article on dating while aspie

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LKL
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07 Dec 2013, 6:27 pm

This is from a fairly high-functioning perspective. It's true, but it makes me tired to read it.
http://www.salon.com/2013/12/06/dating_ ... s_partner/



Willard
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07 Dec 2013, 7:29 pm

I bail on anyone the second they call themselves "mildly autistic." No such thing. There's High Functioning and Not-So-High Functioning, but there's no "mild" autism, there's just autism. It is what it is. Just because you're able to develop more sophisticated coping mechanisms to disguise your difficulties, doesn't make your handicaps less real. A legless man who learns to get around on prosthetics is more mobile than one in a wheelchair, but their disability is exactly the same.

And as far as dating goes, it's no different than friendships. There are people in the world who will appreciate directness and those who prefer to play NT games. You can drive yourself crazy trying to fit in with the game players, but you'll be happier in the long run if you avoid them, and stick with people who like you for what you are. The social game players will make your life a living Hell.

You may have to learn to navigate the social maze at work, but that's no reason to make it a part of your private life.



semota
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07 Dec 2013, 9:35 pm

"I remember feeling disgust and then curiosity the first time someone explained the concept of “dating leagues” to me"

maybe because the concept of dating leagues _is_ repulsive...?

"lacking the unassailable logic of being entirely direct, straightforward, verbalized, and emotionless"

[irony] thank you for perpetuating a common negative stereotype about aspies... [/irony]

"Not only does this cause people with AS to often come off as emotionless and lacking in empathy, but it makes the process of falling in love almost alien to us — you can’t develop or identify chemistry without knowing how to give off and read cues, or feel truly connected to someone with whom you can only communicate by feigning mastery of a social language in which you’ll never be fluent."

falling in love has nothing to do with the ability of reading social clues.



AScomposer13413
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07 Dec 2013, 11:38 pm

Willard wrote:
As far as dating goes, it's no different than friendships. There are people in the world who will appreciate directness and those who prefer to play NT games. You can drive yourself crazy trying to fit in with the game players, but you'll be happier in the long run if you avoid them, and stick with people who like you for what you are. The social game players will make your life a living Hell.

You may have to learn to navigate the social maze at work, but that's no reason to make it a part of your private life.


+1


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