aspie/craigslist/lie/break-up

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my aspie bf lied to me about writing someone on craigslist, even though he made it clear to me that lying to him would be a huge issue.

i thought that aspies found it hard to lie (he told me this).

so, we broke up.

Nope. Aspies don't find it difficult to lie. They just find it difficult to keep their lies from others. that is all.

Some aspies are very honest.

Some aspies are not.

yes. i was just reminded he had said this to me once. that if he lied he wouldn't be able to keep track of it.

Us Aspies not being able to lie is a common misconception. We tend to have a hard time with social rules that would require us to lie or bend the truth due to us not getting or having problems with social rules in general & us being more straightforward, upfront & less tactful so people assume we cant lie when the reality is that we have the ability to like NTs if we saw a good enough reason to. Some on the more sever end of the autism spectrum can have a hard time understanding/knowing/comprehending the difference between truth & non-truths or the difference between reality & fantasy; the latter is more common with certain things related to AS like being too overwhelmed by our environment or isolated due to our AS issues causing us to live in our heads too much or developing a psychotic depression due to things problems related to AS. Also some of us like me are thought to be liars as kids because we don't explain things well, have a very unique/warped perspective others don't get or agree with, have a history of problems like being bullied & accused of being bullies by our bullies or getting in trouble due to problems with others, not understanding things, meltdowns or other AS related things.

I had no idea of what craigslist. So, I googled it and check it out. Did he tell you why he lied to you? Any reason for it?
I am myself very honest, straightforward and direct.

I am an exceptionally good liar. I just choose not to because most peoples reactions to blatant honesty is funny to me. Also lying can be exhausting.

i assume he didn't want the reaction (breaking up) if he told the truth. :-/

i asked him straightforward if he was writing anyone on craigslist and he said no (three times). i said, "i can't believe you're lying to me."

i walked out (i was spending the night at his place)...then realized when i was talking to friends about the situation that he may not know that the relationship has ended, so i wrote him an email letting him know (because he also does not accept lying) that lying was unacceptable and that i was moving on.

he hadn't contacted me since i walked out on him (physically) and he has not contacted me since the email.

Well, you had your reasons to feel bad about it. How can he tells you that he wouldn't lie to you, and then do it like that? Did he even apologise?
He shouldn't have hide that stuff to you; you were his girlfriend. He should have trusted you and told you the truth.

Also, in my opinion, it's hypocrite to say that you don't accept lies, and then you go, and lie like that.

well folks it's been about a month. we separated for three weeks and have made up. i love him.

We are not good liars. People can see through our deceptions most of the time.

We don't like being lied to because we have the opposite problem. It is hard for us to understand when others are being dishonest and why they are being dishonest due to limited social intelligence.

yea, he said he can lie but prefers not to because he forgets the initial lie and eventually gets caught!

Maybe that is something you can hold onto to help you feel safe in the relationship (that he will easily get caught if he is being dishonest).

To help you out... I said this to a few people, and some girl friends of mine as well when they got frustrated at an inability to read me.

"take me at my word as I can be literal with the things I say. Reading between the lines may end up frustrating you from time to time. If I am not being honest or forthcoming, you will know."

Its nice to see things work out. Hopefully you guys put in the trust and faith needed to cultivate a growing relationship. I will give you some recommend reading materials if you would like. Just PM me. I am not certain you have read these books I would recommend... but hopefully one of my suggestions will give you an idea of the differences between being Aspie and being a man.