Dating

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Do struggle with dating due to all the social interaction it involves?

I have tried dating sites and there are sometimes men who want to meet but:

1 They seem to want to meet without giving me enough notice (like the next day)
2 I don't like meeting random strangers to see how we will get on...as that means meeting lots of people and going on lots of dates with different people and that is tiring. I'd rather get to know someone slowly via other means such as online, or via a class, or shared activity than just keep going out on random dates with random men I don't know.
3 It requires far too much social interaction and people who were interested lose interest because I am too elusive, hard to catch hold of and don't always reply to them. I mean I chit chatted last night and today I do not wish to chit chat right now. But people I chit chatted with last night are still sending me emails today anyway and will usually get uppity if I don't reply to them. I don't want to chit chat today, I want to go to a museum and take a bus ride...then I want to come home and do some artwork. I don't want company as the company will expect me to chit chat with them or interact with them. I interacted with people yesterday and today I want to rest in my own world doing my own thing without other people pulling me out of it.
4 They expect sex and I do not like casual sex with random strangers.
5 I find all the interaction exhausting. I get too many emails on online dating sites and can't cope with answering all of them. It is hard to pick which ones to answer as well as they all seem to be pretty much the same...so nothing really jumps out at me.

IE how are you, or hi, or what are you doing etc

So many people ask me what I am doing that I feel like posting my schedule online so I don't have to keep answering that question. The same goes for how are you....argh. Stop asking me stuff and talk about something interesting. My interests are listed on my profile yet no one ever mentions them.

Endless chit chat about how complete strangers are and what they are doing.

Is there another way to find a date without having to join the dating pool or dating site?

I'd prefer to accidentally find a boyfriend via other means.

I'd also rather form a friendship first then let it develop rather than date random men who seem to think I want sex with them when I don't (I don't like sex with someone unless I am bonded with them). I tried dating sites and don't like them. Too many men just wanting a pick up and not wanting to get to know someone slowly first.

Do you struggle with dating as well?

(Thread moved from Autism discussion to L&D)

For meeting people with whom you share an interest, try http://www.meetup.com/ . You can also try groups on Facebook, including https://www.facebook.com/groups/aspiedatingtips/ . (Just for the record, I do not use Facebook.)

Most women on dating websites are bombarded with lots of messages, and those messages are often very short (e.g. "Hi how r u?"). Most women simply ignore those sorts of messages and block the senders. In the event you decide to try online dating again, I recommend you do the same. Also, in your profile you should state something about wanting to take things slowly, and needing a lot of time by yourself. You will also need to establish some boundaries when interacting with people. If they want to see you the next day, but you are not up for it, then just tell them. If you spoke to them the previous day, and they keep pestering you the next day, politely explain you need time by yourself to recuperate. If they can not understand and respect these boundaries, then you will have to cut off contact with them.

You can find lots of other advice (of varying quality) about online dating on the web, often on the dating websites themselves. It is generally recommended that you try to meet in person early on, in part to weed out liars, fakes, and scammers. The catch is, deciding whether or not to meet is made difficult by profiles and messages which contain very little information. Odds are, you are going to have to go on a lot of first dates (e.g. http://www.52firstdates.com/ ). Try to keep these first dates short and simple (e.g. meet for a cup of coffee or tea). Also, try to take frequent breaks from the whole process.

A problem I have with online dating is that I can not relate to most people. Dating websites seem to be filled with people who have happy lives, satisfying careers, and who like to spend their free time engaged in all sorts of exotic adventures. I struggle just to get by in this awful world. C'est la vie.