Aspie girlfriend not replying

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On Friday, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go on a horse carriage ride Sunday at 2. She texted back saying she wasn't sure yet because she's behind on work projects from before she left town earlier, but that she would know on Sunday.

I probably should have waited til tomorrow to hear from her, but I texted her this evening at 6. The church I go to sometimes is really close to her house, and my friend from church invited me to an event there tomorrow. I texted my girlfriend to ask if we're still on for the carriage ride tomorrow, or if she would like to just hang out instead earlier in the day when I'm done at church.

It's almost midnight now, and she hasn't replied. The last time we talked, she seemed excited about the carriage ride and was replying back to my texts quickly. She even said, "I have been behind on some stuff lately and busy because of that, but I still want to spend time with you," without me asking.

She has Aspergers and can get really absorbed in her projects, so she occasionally forgets to text back. But this is starting to drive me crazy because my ex broke up with me by just not replying to my texts anymore and I'm afraid of being abandoned again. Would it be a good idea to stop by her house after church tomorrow? Should I talk to her about my anxiety?

Man, I feel for you--the Aspie guy I'm dating does EXACTLY this kind of thing.

All I can tell you is that his lack of replying almost always means nothing. He just gets distracted, usually with work, and forgets to write back. I know that Aspies are all different and so I don't want to surmise that just because my BF doesn't reply because he gets distracted, that's also the reason your GF doesn't reply. It's hard to field this one because with anyone else, that almost always means that the person isn't interested in you. But after six months, I completely believe that my guy just absolutely cannot multitask and it's nothing personal. He can't even make coffee if I'm in the same room because then he'll talk to me and get distracted.

Anyway, my heart goes out to you. It's probably nothing personal, but that is still super-annoying. I spoke to my guy about it (as gently as possible) a few days ago, and he apologized and said he'd try to reply more promptly from now on, so maybe you could ask her to do the same thing? And yes, definitely write her again and ask for confirmation. Be kind, but be clear.

I would explain to her it's important she let's you know at least a day ahead of time so you know what the plan is that ay id you two are doing it or not because it gives you anxiety if you don't know. Hopefully she will listen and reply back.


My ex did this to me and it drove me crazy and gave me anxiety and wouldn't answer his phone or nothing so I decided to move on and give up on him and not be in a relationship with him anymore. I will not be treated this way. Just one of the reasons why we're not together. His excuse was he is busy but it doesn't take no more than three minutes to make a phone call and tell me what day and what the plan is and what time he is picking me up. So I never buy the "I'm busy" line. It just tells me I am not important and I am not wanted and I am being played with. I don;t even see how this is multitasking. You make the call when you are home from work or get off work. He certainly didn't do this when we first met and then he started to after we moved out of his apartment.

This applies when there is no explanation for why I am receiving such behaviour from someone else.

I simply hate the "no reply" treatment myself. Nothing turns me off quicker when someone is that rude to me after such a period of time when we are dating. I can understand not replying for a few hours. But going a week waiting to reply to me is only going to piss me off after the anxiety of wondering what I did wrong, or trying to figure out why she wouldn't be interested in me anymore. My experience with this type of situation has convinced me to not even bother replying to such people when they decide to get back to me. Usually these type of people in my experience only get back to you when their first option didn't work out.

As for an Aspie girl's behaviour, I couldn't tell you if its because of the above, or because of an inability to multi-task or what not. I do know that I have a habit of forgetting to reply to some friends. But to the one I am dating, I try and respond as quickly as possible.

If it was me in this situation, I wouldn't be able to give you an answer until i was sure i could get the things i needed to get caught up on finished....and then I'd aspie focus because I'd want to get stuff done so that i could see you, and then it would be the middle of the night or the following morning and i'd think there was no point in calling you now because i'd lost track of time and you're probably mad or disappointed.

some people just don't have or want to have their cellphone rule their moment to moment.
Relax.

And if there's a time crunch or the delay bothers you, CALL.
There is such a thing as TALKING - which involves much less time wasted on poking buttons and waiting for replies

Call. Call. Call. If anyone gets in this situation... Phone!

I often get my friend asking me if I "just reply to a text then throw the phone across the room"
And prettymuch he's right. I HATE waiting around for another reply - who knows how long it will take for the invisible friend to reply?

I just go about my business. If there's a real need for a conversation RIGHT NOW then dedicate time and respect enough to phone me and have a conversation.

Texting is not a conversation: It's a waiting game.

DON'T show up at her house unexpectedly (I'm here shuddering at the thought of someone doing that to me).

DO talk to her about your anxiety.

It means nothing, probably. I always used to forget to text people back. I just didn't check, I guess.

My reading of the above:

She stated she would know on Sunday. Admittedly driven by baggage from a prior relationship, you chose to disregard her request and text before then.

Speaking for myself as an Aspie who has been on the receiving end of clingy behavior, not too unlike that described above, it has always prompted me to begin rethinking my interest in continuing that relationship.

It seems the most common denominator in both cases was your text messaging. If your girlfriend is ignoring your texts, and your last girlfriend did also, then maybe you can take a close look at your use of text messaging to see if something about it is self-defeating, and pushing people away.