Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Casual sex and Asperger's/autism

Page 1 of 7 [ 109 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 7  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Northeastern292
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,159
Location: Brooklyn, NY/Catskills

30 Jul 2013, 7:54 pm

A line out of the novel I've been writing for the last four and a half years:

"Casual sex is something I cannot comprehend as someone on the autism spectrum, nor have had the opportunity to understand."

Are there some aspies who will just never understand casual sex? For me, it's skewed. At the same time, the fact that I have a hard time with the whole thing, as trying to get close to a member of the opposite sex ends up being too awkward. On the other hand, I've tried so few times. My brother, in a recent visit, mentioned his views on casual sex and now I have this impression that almost every millennial partakes in it.

Am I nuts? Or am I onto something?



Ladywoofwoof
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,879

30 Jul 2013, 8:08 pm

:-) Aw... you're not nuts.
I think that what you've said makes a lot of sense.



wtfid2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,712
Location: usa

30 Jul 2013, 8:10 pm

i would have casual sex if i had the opportunity. i was at the supermarket today and was walking behind a girl i would have loved to have it with..smelled really good.

as for not understanding sex...i feel like im 2...ive never kissed a girl at 23, and it boggles my mind that people can put their heads all over eachother's genitals, get naked and rub themselves all over eachother, and it's jsut so casual....it's so normal...how they can just suck eachother's spit out of their mouths...it's not even strange to them...i couldnt imagine ever doing that with someone..although i wish i had the opportunity..but sex isnt for guys like me...girls dont like us.


_________________
AQ 25

Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

30 Jul 2013, 8:45 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
i would have casual sex if i had the opportunity. i was at the supermarket today and was walking behind a girl i would have loved to have it with..smelled really good.

as for not understanding sex...i feel like im 2...ive never kissed a girl at 23, and it boggles my mind that people can put their heads all over eachother's genitals, get naked and rub themselves all over eachother, and it's jsut so casual....it's so normal...how they can just suck eachother's spit out of their mouths...it's not even strange to them...i couldnt imagine ever doing that with someone..although i wish i had the opportunity..but sex isnt for guys like me...girls dont like us.


most people don't have casual sex,the majority of sex are in a relationship. maybe 10-20% of population are the casual sex type.



Northeastern292
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,159
Location: Brooklyn, NY/Catskills

30 Jul 2013, 9:19 pm

billiscool wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
i would have casual sex if i had the opportunity. i was at the supermarket today and was walking behind a girl i would have loved to have it with..smelled really good.

as for not understanding sex...i feel like im 2...ive never kissed a girl at 23, and it boggles my mind that people can put their heads all over eachother's genitals, get naked and rub themselves all over eachother, and it's jsut so casual....it's so normal...how they can just suck eachother's spit out of their mouths...it's not even strange to them...i couldnt imagine ever doing that with someone..although i wish i had the opportunity..but sex isnt for guys like me...girls dont like us.


most people don't have casual sex,the majority of sex are in a relationship. maybe 10-20% of population are the casual sex type.


I've kissed three girls and I've come close to losing my v-card. Somehow, with my luck, the girl I spend the rest of my life with will have sexual experience that I don't have and I'll feel like the lesser person. And then it will become a fixation. Granted though, that same behavior and thought process helped to destroy a relationship I was in two years ago.

Ladywoofwoof wrote:
Smile Aw... you're not nuts.
I think that what you've said makes a lot of sense.


Well, thank you! I didn't think I was nuts, I just have never understood how guys can woo (for lack of a better term, I know, it's slightly inappropriate) a woman like some do.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,959
Location:      

30 Jul 2013, 9:27 pm

I've had casual sex a few times. It was fun (of course!), but didn't lead to any permanent relationship.

It was only when my wife and I abstained until our wedding night that it was both fun and fulfilling!

:D Yeah, baby!



OliveOilMom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere

30 Jul 2013, 9:41 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:
A line out of the novel I've been writing for the last four and a half years:

"Casual sex is something I cannot comprehend as someone on the autism spectrum, nor have had the opportunity to understand."

Are there some aspies who will just never understand casual sex? For me, it's skewed. At the same time, the fact that I have a hard time with the whole thing, as trying to get close to a member of the opposite sex ends up being too awkward. On the other hand, I've tried so few times. My brother, in a recent visit, mentioned his views on casual sex and now I have this impression that almost every millennial partakes in it.

Am I nuts? Or am I onto something?



For me, sex is purely physical even with somebody I'm in love with. I've never felt the whole "making love' thing. I'd rather be shown love in other ways than that. I love sex though, don't get me wrong. But it's a physical thing to me. I've had my share of casual sex, but it was with guys I was attracted to and it was when I wanted to do it. I can't tie sex and love together in my mind, although I know they go together. It just doesn't work like that for me. Being naked and doing things to somebody doesn't really feel intimate to me. Talking to them and telling them things about how I feel and about myself and learning things about them, and saying nice and supportive things to each other is what feels intimate to me. That is what can make me fall for somebody, not the sex. The sex would just make me call him back sometime. Or not. Depending on how good it was. But I wouldn't not be with a guy over bad sex. I could always teach him.


_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


Kurgan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,132
Location: Scandinavia

30 Jul 2013, 9:54 pm

Casual sex is pretty much the natural state, since monogamous relationships between humans are manmade. One-night stands give you good sex and a confidence boost, but they do nothing whatsoever against your loneliness.



Jasper1
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 197

30 Jul 2013, 10:24 pm

Is casual sex like a f**k buddy? Or is it more you meet some random stranger, f**k them then go separate ways?



wtfid2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,712
Location: usa

30 Jul 2013, 11:08 pm

Jasper1 wrote:
Is casual sex like a f**k buddy? Or is it more you meet some random stranger, f**k them then go separate ways?
could be both, but usually refers to a buddy...while the latter refers to a one night stand.


_________________
AQ 25

Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


wtfid2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,712
Location: usa

30 Jul 2013, 11:11 pm

Kurgan wrote:
Casual sex is pretty much the natural state, since monogamous relationships between humans are manmade. One-night stands give you good sex and a confidence boost, but they do nothing whatsoever against your loneliness.
Part of my loneliness stems from lack of validation, and a feeling of learned hopelessness that i am unable to attract decent looking females. While ons would not give me a steady flow of sex, it would atleast show me that i have the looks and social skills to f**k decent girls. This would make me feel bettter about being alone. It would give me hope for the future. It also would convince me that maybe I could meet a girl who would be into the relationship thing. Im a guy who has never kissed a girl other than on the cheek, so ons would do wonders for me.


_________________
AQ 25

Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


Ladywoofwoof
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,879

30 Jul 2013, 11:19 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
Jasper1 wrote:
Is casual sex like a f**k buddy? Or is it more you meet some random stranger, f**k them then go separate ways?
could be both, but usually refers to a buddy...while the latter refers to a one night stand.


Wikipedia wrote:
Casual sex or hooking up are certain types of human sexual activity outside the context of a romantic relationship. The term is not always used consistently: it may refer to extramarital sex, sex in a casual relationship, one-time encounters, promiscuity, or sex in the absence of emotional attachment or love, which can include prostitution and swinging.

Other terms sometimes associated with casual sex include recreational sex, social sex, nonrelationship sex, no-strings-attached (NSA) sex, physical relationship, or sex with no games. Recreational sex or social sex refers to sexual activity which focuses on sexual pleasure without an emotional aspect or commitment. Recreational sex can take place in a number of contexts. It may, for example, take place in an open marriage, among swingers where sex is viewed as a social occasion, or in an open relationship. It can also take place in a casual relationship.


;-) By "casual relationship", they pretty much mean "f*ckbuddy".
And yes, casual sex can also refer to the "shag then make a swift getaway" approach.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,289
Location: the island of defective toy santas

30 Jul 2013, 11:23 pm

it would leave my heart cold and alone after all.



Anomiel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,023

30 Jul 2013, 11:24 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:
[...] now I have this impression that almost every millennial partakes in it.



http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/07/hookup_culture_for_the_white_wealthy_and_beautiful.html wrote:
Let me lay out some statistics that, considered together, seem quite improbable. First, 91 percent of college students agree that their lives are dominated by the hookup culture. Second, the median number of hookups for a graduating senior is seven. That’s fewer than two hookups a year. Only about 40 percent of those hookups include sexual intercourse so, technically, the typical student acquires only two new sexual partners during college.
[...]
Buried in the statistics is information about who is participating in the hookup culture more or less actively. And, it turns out, not everyone on campus embraces the scene equally. Only 14 percent of students hookup more than 10 times in four years and these students are more likely than others to be white, wealthy, heterosexual, able-bodied, and conventionally attractive, according to quantitative studies of hookup behavior. Students who do not fall into these categories hook up significantly less and are more likely to disapprove of or be uninterested in the whole endeavor.
[...]
So what we are seeing on college campuses is the same dynamic we see outside of colleges. People with privilege—based on race, class, ability, attractiveness, sexual orientation, and, yes, gender—get to set the terms for everyone else. Their ideologies dominate our discourses, their particular set of values gets to appear universal, and everyone is subject to their behavioral norms. Students feel that a hookup culture dominates their colleges not because it is actually widely embraced, but because the people with the most power to shape campus culture like it that way.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,289
Location: the island of defective toy santas

30 Jul 2013, 11:36 pm

so it would appear that the privileged ones tend to be cold-blooded self-congratulatory users of people. what else is new?



EsotericResearch
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jul 2012
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 390

30 Jul 2013, 11:37 pm

^this. I only know one person who has confessed to having casual sex, and she is not a university student, but a 30-something who is heavily interested in the kama sutra and tantric yoga. The casual sex paradigm - and the dating paradigm in general - is highly ablist even more than it is racist/sexist.

Some autistics are interested in casual sex (like billiscool said probably around 10% of the population for anyone) and some are not, just like NTs, bipolar people and whatnot.