Just looking for a meaningful relationship

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So today I was sitting in my therapist office, full of people, standing room only, holding off a panic attack, I started thinking.
I've had two relationships in my life, one lasted six months, while the other lasted a mere month and a half. The first relationship started out on a whim, at a basketball game, he just asked. I had known this guy since fourth grade and never really saw him as much more than a friend. Sophomore year I had a class with him, World Civilizations (you probably don't care about that). But anyway, we talked casually and ate lunch at the same table with some mutual friends. Then the game came and it changed. We were really happy, or so I thought. I thought I loved him and I thought he loved me too. We did regular relationship stuff, he came to my house, always my house, watched TV, and basically that's it. Hung out at school, and that was it. We never went out in public, just school. I honestly thought nothing about it at the time, just that I thought I was in love with him. We never went out on a date. Everything was good, I was happy. About five months in, it started getting weird, even though I thought things were good. He started talking to this girl who went to another school that I never met. But again, I never thought anything about it.
He came over one last time, I didn't know it was the last time. I felt like I really knew him and I could tell him anything. I told him that I had Asperger's and that might explain why I acted a little weird sometimes and how I reacted to things. Although he seemed calm at the time and I thought all was good, I started having suicidal thoughts for no apparent reason. Again, I thought I could tell him anything, so I told him about this. He seemed calm again and assured me that it would be ok and he would do anything for me. Feeling better, I slipped away from the thoughts. About a week later, he called me. As things had been going, I thought I knew what was going to happen, and it did.
He told me that he was 17 and in the prime of his life and shouldn't have to deal with someone who had "these problems", meaning the Asperger's, he broke up with me and said it was all for the best and hoped I could overcome my "difficulties".
I slipped back into thoughts and sunk deeper and deeper. That was the end of that relationship, but the ridiculing persisted and still does to this day. I volunteer at a local school that has several special needs children. Now knowing that I had "these problems" he assumed that I was in this class because I was autistic, and that I was now "ret*d". He posted this all over Facebook and all of my friendships ended.
Then, I met this guy at a football game who had no idea who I was and anything about me. He "asked me out" (locally, it just means to be boyfriend and girlfriend, not going on a date). So we "dated". We did the same type of things that I had done before, going to each others houses and nothing out in public. I really didn't think anything about it at the time either. He seemed like he was understanding, so I told him. He tried to help, and kind of did. But about a month later, he wanted to break up because he "couldn't help me and didn't want me to suffer". We reluctantly broke up and this time it didn't bother me as much, but it still did.
So, after all this rambling, I really just wanted to vent about how I feel about how I have never been on a single date in my life, and how I have never been kissed, and how much it sucks and how much I stupidly cry almost every night about all of my relationship troubles. I know I'm young and probably have enough time to find "the one who understands". But I need to be loved by someone since my family doesn't really know how to deal with my "differences" either.
So, what I really want to know, and I would love responses, is how I should deal with all this and if anyone has any tips as fellow Aspies have for meaningful relationships.
Anyone can private message me or respond to this post, I don't care if I talk about myself in open forums, I'm an open book. So just let me know, I would appreciate the responses and support from everyone.
Thanks,
Lauriefrance

Sounds lousy to have to go through all that, at least you made it six months. I had one gf and it lasted about 48 hrs. Seems strange to not go anywhere though except to their houses. Why bring any of these things up (autism, suicidal ideations) if everything was fine at the time?

speaking figuratively here, the OP will likely have to go through lots of chaff to find her wheat. a good man is hard to find.

So are you still in high school or a little out of hs? I'm NT and I had NO relationships at your age. I did at university and have continued to do so. With variable success...

Suicidal ideation is not something that teen boys are prepared for. Aspergers maybe not either. I don't blame them for not wanting to stick around. That may sound cruel, but that's a heavy load to lay on a teen. And honestly they're no prize anyway... as boys mature into men - then they're worth having. Right now you're learning about relationships and so are they.

If you're having suicidal thoughts, if you're having panic attacks then maybe a relationship isn't what you need. Getting healthy, getting educated should be your first priority.

Also - this whole 'proper date' thing...I wouldn't worry about that too much. That's for grown-ups, you're a kid. I don't mean that in a patronising way (though I realise it sounds like that). But because of ASD, you may not be picking up cues about the boys pulling away emotionally. But this is something you can learn to be more aware of.

Good luck. Try to relax.

even in college you wont have many "proper dates" because everyone is broke. (might be differant in UK). Most of my dating involved surfing from couch to couch and "walks" to nowhere because no money.

Most highschoolers are too immature to handle heavy stuff. The first guy sounds like a grade-A dickhole. There are times that I am glad I never got diagnosed in school. They would have put me in special-ed classes (possibly meds) and my ridicule would have been so much worse.