OKCupid Message tips?

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Any ideas on how to word them or maybe things I should consider adding for a first message?

Don't tell them they're beautiful!! I highly recommend making no direct reference to their looks. Women learn early to expect guys to like them only for their looks, and I'd be willing to bet most women consider that very shallow behavior. In a later message, you might mention that you like they way they look, but not until you've exchanged a few messages first.

Comment favorably on their profile in general, maybe say that you noticed you had a lot of things in common. Then comment on one or two specific things in their profile that you really did like. For example, s/he said she likes (pardon the cliche) pina coladas and walks in the rain, and you do, too, maybe you can tell a cute/funny story about one or both, or simply claim that those are your favorite things, too. Maybe expand a bit, ask if s/he prefers pina coladas with the big slice of pineapple or lots of maraschino cherries. Or if s/he prefers warm rain/cool rain/rain with wind...etc.

The point is to let them know that you actually READ the profile and didn't just look at the pictures. And, not only did you read it, you have the ability to comprehend what they wrote, and you can carry on some type of conversation about it.

And a little bit of humor, if you think the situation warrants and you are up to it, is always a good idea. Gentle humor, maybe a little subtle (but not too subtle), to see if you're on the same wavelength there. An example of that might be the time you went for a walk in the rain and it turned into a hurricane. Something that really happened to you that you can be genuine about. I think women may have radar for "genuine" - I honestly don't know if men do or not (I suspect not). Not that I haven't been fooled by non-genuine guys into thinking they're genuine, but women (even Aspie women) are a bit more attuned to that aspect than I think most men are.

I'm having trouble with the being funny part >.< I mean I'm really funny everyone I talk to says so but being funny right away with what they say can be pretty difficult sometimes. The other stuff I'm already doing, commenting on bad traffic and how I agree, mainly about books we share interest in and movies that we both like. I also try to end it with a question so they have something to start with themselves.

Sounds like you're doing a good job, then. I meant to mention to ask a question, and you already have that covered.

As far as being funny .... maybe for one of your mutual interests you can google "<mutual interest> jokes" and see if there's anything that makes you chuckle. If so, pass it on, but don't try to take credit for it - just say "I recently heard this joke." By sending something that makes YOU laugh, it is also a test to see if she has a similar sense of humor.....

That's a good idea, I did manage one joke a line from a movie. I'll try to google some, sense of humor is important to me especially if she can make me laugh.

Keep a first message to a paragraph (3-6 sentences). Ask at least 1-2 questions about something interesting in their profile. Use perfect grammar. Only message people with whom you feel compatible...don't message someone you have next to nothing in common with.

I get around an 80% response rate when I follow the above advice, which is higher than many of the numbers I've seen thrown around.

So far like 10~ messages no replies and two from women who started them but I wasn't interested. I try to choose women I find interesting and have some things in common. If I don't see anything in common I don't message them.

So....how's about some tips from men for women? Do the same "rules" apply? What do men like to hear in a first message?

I think alot of the same rules apply, try to seem interesting and give them a way to talk to you. Maybe focus on just seeming friendly and not overly interested you you might drive a guy off. Of the messages I've gotten on dating sites it's almost always "hey", "you're cute ", or my favorite "hi". The don't make it any easier to talk to someone and don't really show the person as having much value for a conversation.

LOL! Those are the kinds of messages I remember getting that I eventually stopped responding to at all.

But the "don't seem overly interested" thing is good to know. Can you give an example of one that comes across as "overly interested"?

Not really no... I mean I got one girl who was clearly interested and I got her # and we just texted a few times before I got bored of how uninteresting her messages were. It's hard for me to put that in words as women don't usually seem all that interested in me as of yet.

The advice here is really good and it's basically the same advice I give. But I think even by following these "rules" you can still go wrong. It would be a lot easier to nut it out if actually examples of messages were given, so we can see exactly what might have been a turn-off. I know that's rather personal and I wouldn't expect anyone to do that, but I'm just saying that it's tricky to pinpoint the problem (if any) if all we have to go off is that you followed our broad advice.

Cos it sounds like you are doing fine.

If your messages really are flawless then it's your profile text, photos, or answers to questions.

If you mean me, I've posted my okcupid profile on hale_bopps thread. I don't really know what to do about those I put some new pictures up with better clarity and changed some things on profile. But to be honest I've tried about ten messages which isn't that many.

Okay so you probably should really work on the humour bit in your messages. I say that because you state in your profile that you are really good at making people laugh, then there's no proof of that in your profile which to me comes across as a little serious. So your message is your next chance to show your lighter side.

I'm not sure about telling a joke, that seems a bit formulaic to me, but may as well give it a go if others feel it would work.

Yeah, I'm not saying that it's the *best* idea, but if nothing else humorous comes to mind, better to demonstrate yours somehow. I can usually find a play on words using something they said in their profile, or maybe I've just done SO much writing in my lifetime (due to hiding behind written correspondence because it's easier for me than face to face) that it's become over time easier for me to naturally write humorously (although I quickly learned not to use that style here - it is too easily misinterpreted by us strictly literal types!). Also, I tend to respond in nearly identical style to the way someone writes me. If they write stiltedly, my writing may be a little stilted, too. I've spent a LOT of years training my mirror neurons....LOL.

Speaking of that Aspie literality, that's another thing I've had to do - learn to NOT take everything absolutely literally and be able to work out if maybe they meant it tongue-in-cheek, or humorously, or ironically. It's definitely been a stretching exercise for me, so the other bit of "advice" I might offer is to do your best to read between the lines. I think the more you can read between their lines, the more you can write between your own.

http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2013/ ... n-okcupid/

I got a reply just noticed it maybe 30 mins ago plan to reply tonight. Thing is I've already broken some of the rules here in this list. What does everyone think of these tips?