Just looking for a meaningful relationship

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So today I was sitting in my therapist office, full of people, standing room only, holding off a panic attack, I started thinking.
I've had two relationships in my life, one lasted six months, while the other lasted a mere month and a half. The first relationship started out on a whim, at a basketball game, he just asked. I had known this guy since fourth grade and never really saw him as much more than a friend. Sophomore year I had a class with him, World Civilizations (you probably don't care about that). But anyway, we talked casually and ate lunch at the same table with some mutual friends. Then the game came and it changed. We were really happy, or so I thought. I thought I loved him and I thought he loved me too. We did regular relationship stuff, he came to my house, always my house, watched TV, and basically that's it. Hung out at school, and that was it. We never went out in public, just school. I honestly thought nothing about it at the time, just that I thought I was in love with him. We never went out on a date. Everything was good, I was happy. About five months in, it started getting weird, even though I thought things were good. He started talking to this girl who went to another school that I never met. But again, I never thought anything about it.
He came over one last time, I didn't know it was the last time. I felt like I really knew him and I could tell him anything. I told him that I had Asperger's and that might explain why I acted a little weird sometimes and how I reacted to things. Although he seemed calm at the time and I thought all was good, I started having suicidal thoughts for no apparent reason. Again, I thought I could tell him anything, so I told him about this. He seemed calm again and assured me that it would be ok and he would do anything for me. Feeling better, I slipped away from the thoughts. About a week later, he called me. As things had been going, I thought I knew what was going to happen, and it did.
He told me that he was 17 and in the prime of his life and shouldn't have to deal with someone who had "these problems", meaning the Asperger's, he broke up with me and said it was all for the best and hoped I could overcome my "difficulties".
I slipped back into thoughts and sunk deeper and deeper. That was the end of that relationship, but the ridiculing persisted and still does to this day. I volunteer at a local school that has several special needs children. Now knowing that I had "these problems" he assumed that I was in this class because I was autistic, and that I was now "ret*d". He posted this all over Facebook and all of my friendships ended.
Then, I met this guy at a football game who had no idea who I was and anything about me. He "asked me out" (locally, it just means to be boyfriend and girlfriend, not going on a date). So we "dated". We did the same type of things that I had done before, going to each others houses and nothing out in public. I really didn't think anything about it at the time either. He seemed like he was understanding, so I told him. He tried to help, and kind of did. But about a month later, he wanted to break up because he "couldn't help me and didn't want me to suffer". We reluctantly broke up and this time it didn't bother me as much, but it still did.
So, after all this rambling, I really just wanted to vent about how I feel about how I have never been on a single date in my life, and how I have never been kissed, and how much it sucks and how much I stupidly cry almost every night about all of my relationship troubles. I know I'm young and probably have enough time to find "the one who understands". But I need to be loved by someone since my family doesn't really know how to deal with my "differences" either.
So, what I really want to know, and I would love responses, is how I should deal with all this and if anyone has any tips as fellow Aspies have for meaningful relationships.
Anyone can private message me or respond to this post, I don't care if I talk about myself in open forums, I'm an open book. So just let me know, I would appreciate the responses and support from everyone.
Thanks,
Lauriefrance

I'm sorry for your relationship troubles. It appears to be quite common among aspies.

Before I can give you any tips or advice, however, I would like to know how old you are.

This information would help where I might go with my advice.


Edit: You can PM me if you don't want to post your age on the forums for whatever reason.

I see.

Assuming you are in high school this sounds like an extremely normal dating experience, despite the focus on apsieness.

These early relationships tend not to last forever or even all that long. This would happen no matter what because people at high school age are in the process of becoming emotionally mature, but are not there yet. This means that as they become more mature they will change, you will as well. This tends to lead to relationships not "working out" in terms of lasting forever.

let us know how old you are so we can contextualize our advice. Advice for highschoolers is different from dating later on.

Well, there are individuals who are very immature. I mean, it's not age related.

yes but we are strangers on the internet so the very best we can do are generalizations based on our own experiences and perceptions. Thats why any and all advice should only serve as a frame of reference, rather than taken as an ultimatum to be completed as stated without consideration.

My fellow Illinois-ian gets it. I've repeatedly resisted asking you what part of IL are you.

I'm in the Southern region, near Saint Louis.

Bring it, stalkers.

I am a college sophomore minus (local term sorry I don't know a general term for it) to all who were wondering.

Yeah. Come back with your complaints when you're out of your teens and staring down the thick end of 30.

ok, if your in college it changes a bit. in general, the first two years of college are used to have sex with as many people as possible and or as much as possible. A LOT of guys feel like they should be hooking up (thus the prime of his life/youth comment you got). This doesn't mean that they actually will get much action: but it's what they think they want because they are still emotionally immature.

This doesn't mean this is what YOU should do especially if you want to keep your romantic view of sex. There are plenty of guys who are not playing "the game" but the ones who are the best at it will also be the ones who are the best at getting your attention and confidently asking you out. You can totally initiate, which will help you avoid being played a little. I would recommend making a list of 5-10 boys and try to get them to notice you, go up and talk to them, or even come right out with it and try to ask them out. keep it light/ not serious at first. Do not get hyper-focused: see the "limerance" thread. Make sure you keep a clear head in the initial stages.

1st step is to eliminate obvious a**holes. Then eliminate people who you do not prefer. After that you can start letting your emotions do their thing a little and make a choice.