New Year's Kiss...

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Let's just start by saying I don't know what to do anymore...

Last week one of my best friends (N) had a get together at his house. The original plan was to have a lot of people over but weather and late planning thwarted that. A few of my friends, that had become N's friends, came as well and we all had a good time, but there was a theme I was noticing and it was that most of my friends are in a relationship, and the one's that aren't are getting their rounds.

I guess N's girlfriend (T) was also trying to get some friends over as her and N were going to try and help me out. Now T likes me a lot and thinks I'm a good guy, which is why she thought her best friend of 15 years would be perfect for me. She showed me a picture and I was very excited and T said she could ask her to come next week for New Year's where N was gonna throw a larger party.

So I was feeling real positive the whole day and got to the party a little early. I figured I waited long enough (22 yrs.) and my time was finally coming to finally have a legit friend that's a girl...yes 1, even a friend. So as me and N are playing some PS3, T is in the other room on the phone...with her friend.

Now her friend (S) goes to school in Florida but is back home for the holidays and will be coming back for good after she graduates in the spring. She had some relationships in FL, but she never met the right guy, so T asked if she wanted to meet me. Now N stepped away to go to the bathroom so I eavesdropped and then heard T encouraging S to come only to hear her say things that suggested that S wasn't into me and didn't want to give me a chance.

I then found out T sent S a picture of myself, so that probably explains it.

So when the ball dropped I seriously had to hide because I didn't need to see virtually everyone at the party kissing their significant other.

I just don't know anymore man...I don't have a single fiber of luck in me and I'm just not sure how I'll ever meet someone. I work now so I'm at that stage where girls aren't spoon fed anymore, you know, being in a class whether it's high school or college.

I'm sure others know how I feel but it's just so depressing...I long for that kiss on New Year's...just like in a month from now I'm going to be horribly miserable on that stupid day in February.

Then I get ragged on by my mother and my sister who think it's a joke. There like 2 bullies laughing at my misfortune. I constantly hear "You have no personality," or "No wonder why no is going to look at you." My favorite though is they think I'm gay...I don't know it's really depressing and I'm constantly angry/depressed. Then I get in yelling matches because my every flaw has to get pointed out.

What should I do, I just don't feel like putting myself through any more misery...I just need this one thing to happen, to set me free.

You remind me of hovv I felt before I lost my virginity. It seemed like such a giant big deal and I just had to do it so my life could go on. It seemed like everyone else vvas doing it before me. etc. In reality, they vveren't all doing it & I had had more action at a younger age than most. But still, I had this major obsession about doing it for a vvhile. Then that calmed dovvn and it vvas still 3 or 4 years until I finally did have sex vvith a female friend of mine at the time. It vvas good, but it didn't solve everything - it only solved that one problem & got that obsession off my mind. All my other problems remained. It vvasn't the silver bullet panacea I vvas vvanting it to be in terms of then having social & relationship success. Also, I then agreed vvith some of my other friends vvho had said "it's just sex, it's not that big of deal," back vvhen I vvas obsessing & stressing about it to the extreme

Same goes for you. That NYE kiss vvill be nice, but all it vvill be is a NYE kiss. It'll get rid of the stress over that one thing, but everything else vvill still be vvhat it is and you'll still have other problems and social/relationship constraints. That's not to say you shouldn't have a goal of getting that one thing, vvhether you meant a NYE kiss or sex or ____, but just don't expect one thing to change everything. You've got to vvork on yourself, change & improve yourself, if you vvant everything else to change around you and your circumstances. Physical health, mental health, diet, exercise, meditation, therapy, counselling, practice practice practice at vvhatever you vvant to perfect etc. You're going to have to do a lot more hard vvork on yourself vs. expecting some fairytale kiss to change your vvhole vvorld.

I can't really determine if it's a relationship you want more, or just a NYE kiss. If it's the latter, it would be over in 2-5 seconds and you would realize you're back exactly where you'd started and nothing had really changed. Don't let some arbitrary point in the Earth's orbit chosen as the first-day-of-the-year be a pressure point/goal marker by which you must accomplish something (nor Valentine's or any other day).

Change the parts about you that aren't critical to your identity (clean yourself up, lose/gain weight if that's an issue, nail down some direction in life) but don't worry about changing who you fundamentally are in order to 'make yourself more attractive'. Then the person won't really be interested in you, but a mask you have put on, and that likely won't keep you happy for long. I'm pretty sure most of us do not have potential partners flocking to us: we have problems that most don't, and ones usually centered around interpersonal difficulties, which means we're probably going to be facing battles that are more-uphill than usual. Also consider sites that focus on groups meeting up over common interests, you could make friends there if you have a common link already, and who knows where that could go (but I would not advise going to them specifically for date-hunting since that's not really what they tend to be about, unless it's a dating group).

It's a relationship I want...I'm just so lonely and these events just depress me. My best friend N had been together with T for like a year and a half and he's just so happy with everything. I just want that, or at the very least, I just want a relationship with a girl...someone to talk to, to go and see a movie with.

I guess the NYE kiss is just a metaphor for how I'm feeling. I just can't stand being in public and seeing affection and it intensifies when my friend and his girl partake in the action. Now I'm not gonna tell him to stop, because I would do it too, so that's why I disappear when those moments take place.

I'm just not sure, I've done all I can do to improve myself. I usually feel confident and optimistic, but to others, I'm not someone that they want to be with. The main problem is I really don't know how to become just friends with a girl...to me it seems like I'm going to talk to you because I want to go out with you or that's it...not sure how to make a move without it seeming like my intention is to date them.

I don't know, I'm just on my own island at this point...I never had the practice in high school ( wasn't popular so I stayed shy) and college was better but I still never could close the deal...and then when I was close, they were all engaged, so my bad luck killed me there.

I can relate it can be very lonely to go through life watching people celebrate these events with their partners. It doesn't really make me feel better but I think their lives are just as boring and tedious as mine, probably more, because I don't have to do anything if I don't want to.

Nobodies going to stop me spending the day in bed. And they might laugh at me and say the day is wasted if I spend it in bed, but I say their whole life is wasted for latching onto the first person they liked in school and marrying that person and eventually having ugly children with them.