Women changing men.

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Have you ever noticed a lot of women attempt to change things in their men (way more frequently than vice versa)?

Trying to change little things, big things, and they go as far as attempting to change personality traits? In other word, to "tame" him. And can they really succeed?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens ... a-man.html

Nope, and nope. Not saying there aren't women who are searching for "projects", but those lifestyle pieces are just silly filler fluff. The same women would probably be writing about becoming bridezilla a couple years down the road.

Yes, I've heard women saying this all my life. But my Mum married my Dad with that attitude and told me she was wrong and I should never say "oh, I'll change him" because it doesn't work. And I would add that it's not fair on the person you are trying to change.

I read something written by a man who said that women think that they change us, but we just don't let them see the things that they don't like, We're still doing those things though.

Women expecting men to change is a way for some of them to feel they have accomplished the ultimate: rescuing a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal and rehabilitating him into a well-trained fashion accessory. This is one way to explain the Bad Boy™ routine, wherein some women may tend to fall for the Bad Boy™ who treats all women badly rather than the Nice Guy™ who is already willing and able to treat her like royalty. So she goes for the Bad Boy™ and turns him into a little project. Her ultimate goal seems to be that she wants the "Bragging Rights" to declare that she is the sole reason that he is no longer a Bad Boy™. She has changed him -- Mission: Impossible, Accomplished. What a woman -- self-empowered, influential, and capable of polishing a turd into a diamond. Then she dumps him for a new project, leaving him to wonder why he bothered to change at all, and giving him an excuse to go back to his Bad Boy™ ways and be a jerk to every other woman all over again.

It's an ego thing.

Do you know why women think they can change men? Because they get worn down by loser after loser propositioning them swearing they will change for the better just as long as she will have him. Before and during relationships. Men will say ANYTHING to get laid and women will believe anything to feel loved.


Edit: to be fair people of both sexes can and do change, sometimes it's just about changing habits - we are able to change habits and if changing a few habits means you can have a good relationship with someone then I don't see what's the big deal

I have met women who have tried to change me into being an extrovert, tried to change me into not talking about certain things they considered "unmanly" tried to stop me from drinking, or smoking by whatever force they could think of. It not only made me feel unaccapted, it made me feel as if I couldn't be trusted (ie, they couldn't trust me to stop addicting habits on my own).

There is also the approval factor. The second your woman acts unapproving of you, and blatantly gives another man approval right in front of you, you may have to consider that the relationship between the two of you is over.

Not all women. My dad continues to say that my mom accepts him for him and doesn't try to change him and that's one thing he loves and holds dear to him. I don't think a man should marry a woman who is trying to change him and vice versa. If someone falls victim to someone trying to change them, then they weren't secure and strong to begin with and you aren't ready for a relationship in that circumstance.

Apparently all the guys I've dated didn't get the memo that only women are supposed to do that.

It's very discouraging when a woman has spent half a lifetime trying to reform a man, then he gets an Aspie dx. The only way out then is - out.

I think that spouses tend to change each other. Being around me changed my husband and being around him changed me. Both for the better, I think But I don't think there's anything wrong with changing, even openly requesting a change. For instance, my husband was initially extremely NOT understanding about mental illness, so when I got diagnosed with PPD and PTSD, we had friction. I told him that he needed to educate himself and sympathize with me, so we went to seven months of marital counseling. And of course I expected him to change that negative mentality-- I don't think that's unfair of me. And he loves me, so he put in a ton of effort and grew as a person so that he could make me happy. I used to be extremely harsh and unemotional with him, but I learned that he needed some softening in my words and thoughtful gestures in his love language (referring to The Five Love Languages). So I grew for him as well.

If I were to get married and go twenty years without growing or changing (or hell, living unmarried and going without growing or changing), I would feel stagnant and like a failure. Live is meant to be a constantly teaching, changing, fluid experience.

The Five Love Languages is a great book. I can kind of tell based off your response that your husband's primary languages are Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service (I think I'm right, but correct me if I am wrong).

Eureka13-- I agree that going into a relationship with a mentality of, "If I change all of his hobbies, friends, and personality traits, he'd be great!" is bad lol I was just meaning that expecting growth and compromise is, IMO, healthy.

aspiemike-- Words of affirmation and physical touch Two of my weakest points! It's taken a lot of work to meet in the middle, but it's worth it. And if you know anything about Myers-Briggs, he's an SF, so that adds another layer of communication barriers between us lol.