I don't know what to do anymore Q_Q

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Hello, Zodai here.

So, about a year ago I entered a relationship with a fellow WPer (Those of you who were around at the time may or may not know who.)

Everything was going well until about a month or two ago when her uncle died > <

Long story short she got stressed out to the point where she had a meltdown and we broke up Q_Q

I understand that she's too emotionally unstable for a relationship right now - she had made that abundantly clear herself, and I can at least accept that.

But, I'm worried that I won't be able to put us back on the right track after she recovers. I'm hoping I can at least get one last talk so I can sort things out without breaking down in tears every once in a while, but even then I'm not sure if she's even going to respond at this point Q_Q

I'm hoping we can just stay away from each other while she recovers and meet again as just friends after she graduates Q_Q. If we get back into a relationship from that after a while, that would be good. But I don't know how to explain this to her if she's not even going to respond to anything I say > <. Even if I just wait and wait and wait for months on end until that time myself, I don't even know if she'll reply then > <

I know that she still cares about me, even though she isn't capable of a relationship right now - but I'm worried that if I don't sort this out I might lose my only chance of salvaging the relationship when she gets back to normal Q_Q

Does anyone know what to do?

Here's what I'd do:

Stop dwelling on it & carry on with your life. Be happy. Seriously, that's the very best thing you could do for yourself and for her. Then when she's over dealing with whatever she has to deal with however she has to do it for herself, you'll be there and in good shape, willing and ready to talk, be friends, maybe more. But if you spend your time obsessing over this and driving yourself nucking futs over it, then chances are you won't be in the happy healthy shape you'll need to be in to be there for her when she comes around again. Sure, keep her in the back of your mind.. but don't allow thoughts of her and this situation to dominate your headspace and eat up day after day, week after week, month after month when you could be using that time to Be Present and think about the things you're doing live in real life in the moment. Being Present is a major key to being happy.

I'm not understanding this story. You two broke up because her uncle died? Was he so integral to her way of life that his absence meant her falling apart? By the way, did you know her uncle played such a big part in her well being and were you aware of his illness?

Sorry I'm having a hard time explaining it Q_Q

I'll try to explain it > <

-The uncle's death is at least partially related to it. Apparently she's sad that she died, but also apparently talking to me reminds me of him so her emotions are all messed up and she misses him because he was like a father to her and her real father was an abusive jerk and I don't know how to fix this now Q_Q

-I was aware of the illness, but I wasn't aware how big a part he played in her life. He died sometime mid-October, when I asked when it first happened she said she was dealing with it alright, then a few days ago things just went out of control Q_Q. I'm assuming she tried holding it in and that resulted in a meltdown and some severe emotional instability Q_Q. I'm willing to end the relationship for now so she can recover, since we both know that she can't handle it right now Q_Q. The thing is she still isn't talking to me and I'm not sure if I can repair the relationship after she recovers because of that D:

I understand that she's too unstable for a relationship right now, but if she isn't even willing to talk to me I won't be able to sort things out with her so I can fix things when she's recovered Q_Q

You're probably right. She may not be mature enough to handle such a strong emotion and feeling like death and probably needs space to recover.

I can't help but feeling that you two are not finished as a couple, by the way.

I'm hoping it's that way too Q_Q. There's obviously still a chance for me to sort everything out, I'm just worried that if she won't ever talk to me again I won't be able to fix it D:

I mean, I know she still cares about me, but if she's never talking to me again I can't ever get through to her > <

Do you think she'll eventually forget about me if I go too long without asking? D:

I know she needs space, but I'm just so worried > <

She won't forget about you because you two currently post on WP. You'll always be in her mind. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I hope Q_Q

D:

It's not possible to become friends because your real goal will be to get in her pants as friends

...

No, I don't think that's a really good idea.

In fact, that's probably about the worst thing I could do right now outside of making her feel worse on purpose.

Maybe I just mistook breaking up for taking a break because she was stressed?

I don't know anymore Q_Q.

Someone help D:

Hello? Anyone?

I'm also worried about what to do if she logs onto Skype > <

I don't know whether she wants me to keep leaving her alone for now or if she expects me to contact her and will think I'm ignoring her D:

Q_Q

Here's a thought:

Send her a sympathy card in the mail. Yes, snail mail. It's real, it's physical, it's tangible & it shows you care. write a little personal note about how you're sorry for her loss and that you're here for her if and when she needs and that she can feel free to contact you any way she likes, but that you know she needs her space right now so you'll leave he be for a while so she can grieve and deal and process everything. If you don't hear from her at all for a few weeks, then give her a phone call or send an email and follow up and ask how she's doing. That way you're not smothering her, nor are you saying you're going to leave it to her 100% to contact you - because she might not, and she might need/appreciate the follow up contact of you getting in touch with her in a few weeks' time if you haven't heard from her by then.

All this communication stuff really is very much like a business sales cycle process. Things should work out ok if you approach it as such, but not just mechanically.. with feeling & good intentions. But I think you get my point about how it's about timing, communication, follow up, asking the right questions etc - basically selling her on communicating with you. If you get in touch too frequently, say the wrong things, or too infrequently.. things won't work in your favour. It's difficult to find the perfect balance. All you can do is try.