Does my boyfriend have autism?

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-- He hasn't worked for 5 years (lived with an ex for 5 years for free and claimed the situation worked for them both as she enjoyed his company)
He is excessively frugal and refuses to take me out on dates to restaurants as he 'doesn't get much out of food'. Asks me to walk to most places which to me seems inconsiderate because I pay for a weekly bus pass

-- Is obsessed with telling me stories about when he worked 5 years ago, how muscular he was (and gets angry if I am exasperated by his telling me all the same stories). Has a restricted diet where he eats oats, peanut butter, couscous and frozen vegetables (not all together!) daily

-- Is highly anxious and withdrawn and can't be around much noise especially people talking to him (needs to spend a lot of time on his own reading. He enjoys self-studying very much, can read for up to 12 hours a day.)

-- Refuses to allow me to see a male friend of mine (Told me not to ever visit his house as men and women visiting eachother's houses is questionable)

-- Often refused to meet my friends as he didn't feel like being sociable

-- Asks questions about my 'in between' exes (I dated him before then broke up then dated him years later) and can't stand hearing their names or seeing monuments with the same name as the guy

So, why are you going out with this guy?

No one here can tell you whether he's autistic or not - you need a suitably qualified professional for that.

But I think that he sounds self-obsessed, tedious and controlling.

He sounds a bit insincere and inconsiderate.

One thing that sticks out though when I read this is he is definitely sounds introverted. I don't know if you could say autism or aspergers. I'm no expert.

What's wrong with being frugal? Perhaps he really can't afford to take you out to restaurants all the time.

Just saying.

I can't diagnose him as on/off the spectrum, but I can diagnose him as seeming unpleasant, based on what you have said.

And lazy, and obnoxious.

Nothing in your description specifiacally screams autism. More like a**hole.

Your bf has jerkiness.

And that's probably why you love him.

hihi

If he did have AS, would it make all of these traits somehow more bearable for you? Because either way, he isn't going to change.

I agree with other posters that

1) He could simply be introverted

And

2) We could never know either way


But I will say that he doesn't sound much like it to me. He just sounds like a lazy and selfish guy with serious insecurity issues.

I'd drop him like a rock, tbh.

I'm horrified to think that someone would believe that a person is ASD because of the way that this guy acts. What do people think of us? LOL.

Just because a man may be a total Jerk or Jackass does not mean that he has Autism. If a man is treating you this way, then you would be reasonable to dump him and find someone else -- don't try to change him, as it would be like putting lipstick on the metaphorical pit-bull.

Only an appropriately-trained, experienced and licensed mental-health professional can make a valid diagnosis of an ASD. As far as I know, there is no such person on this website; and even if there is, he or she would have to perform a series of face-to-face interviews with your boyfriend before even a tentative diagnosis could be rendered.

Online tests can not provide an objective ASD diagnosis, either.

That jerki(ness), the ladies love it. We sould all wear our hats backwards and carry a bucket of jack links beef jerki(ness).

The bold in my opinion is what I feel an aspie would do (possibilities I would do). I'll go one by one.

-- He hasn't worked for 5 years (lived with an ex for 5 years for free and claimed the situation worked for them both as she enjoyed his company)
He is excessively frugal and refuses to take me out on dates to restaurants as he 'doesn't get much out of food'. Asks me to walk to most places which to me seems inconsiderate because I pay for a weekly bus pass

Working for 5 years has nothing to do with autism. Just him being lazy. I have a friend who is NT that hasn't worked for 2 years. Not as aspie thing.
The other two things are him being inconsiderate. as you said. 2 big turn-offs.

-- Is obsessed with telling me stories about when he worked 5 years ago, how muscular he was (and gets angry if I am exasperated by his telling me all the same stories). Has a restricted diet where he eats oats, peanut butter, couscous and frozen vegetables (not all together!) daily

He seems like he doesn't care about you. Does he ask you questions? It seems like he only cares about himself and not about you. The diet thing could be an aspie sign, though he could just be on a diet plan. Can't tell by that.

-- Is highly anxious and withdrawn and can't be around much noise especially people talking to him (needs to spend a lot of time on his own reading. He enjoys self-studying very much, can read for up to 12 hours a day.)

Aspie sign, though again, there's lots of NT's like that.

-- Refuses to allow me to see a male friend of mine (Told me not to ever visit his house as men and women visiting eachother's houses is questionable)

this is him being an ass. He shouldn't care if you are seeing someone or not. Honestly, an aspie probably wouldn't do that.

-- Often refused to meet my friends as he didn't feel like being sociable

Somewhat Aspie sign, though he also might hate your friends or they have been cruel to him

-- Asks questions about my 'in between' exes (I dated him before then broke up then dated him years later) and can't stand hearing their names or seeing monuments with the same name as the guy

A dick thing to do (pardon my french). Unless you bring it up it's none of his business. I wouldn't do that. Lacks confidence on his part. He probably thinks you'll leave him for one of your ex's.

There's 2 options I recommend.

1) Ask him if he has autism. If he says yes, you got your answer. If he says no and gets pissed at you, leave his ass. He's not worth it. Let's be honest, the fact you asked a message board about this shows you might leave him soon anyway.

2) Just leave him. Seems like a jerk in my opinion.

It's up to you in the end.

Leave him, huh? Would it make any difference to say he is in hospital now recovering from surgery?

Honestly, if you've been dating for awhile I would. You deserve to be treated better. He forbids you to see a friend of his? Sadly, lots of people do that but it's pathetic. They think you'll leave them eventually for them. That dude should act like you are lucky to be with him, instead he feels like he doesn't deserve you.

I can't tell you to leave him, though ask yourself if you are happy with being with him? In a couple months, do you see yourself with him?

Not having a job could be for any number of reasons.
The frugality could be from lack of money due to not having a job.

Obsessive interests are a trait of AS, however; he could just be fixated on the past. If he did have a job and a muscular body 5 years ago, maybe he felt worth more then, and he finds it hard to let go of that time.
Getting angry at you for not wanting to listen to the same stories over and over is a character flaw. Character flaws are not indicative of either having or not having AS.
Difficulty with noise and needing to spend a lot of time alone are AS traits, but they can also be explained by introversion.
The self-studying could be an AS trait or it could be personality.

Refusing to allow you to see your friend is a douchebag move and a red flag for potential future abuse.


Refusing to meet your friends could be an AS trait, or it could be a selfish jerk trait.

That is a sign of being rather childish.