so I actually got a couple dates from okcupid

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as title says. I'm not sure about how they went however.

the first date
I felt like we really connected. We talked for around two hours and had a lot in common. At the end of the date she let me drive her to the train station rather than avoid me by walking. There were a couple negative or confusing signs and a couple positive signs.

Confusing:
so after two hours I was talking and noticed that glazed look in her eyes and so I wrapped up and suggested we leave. I'm not sure if this means she was bored or if it was just too long + food coma. I'm no sure if this a bad sign or neutral/normal.

When I dropped her off at the train station I think I may have made a mistake. I think I was supposed to get out of the car and kiss her goodbye. She waited by my car for a bit and looked in the window with a confused expression and waved at me. As soon as she got out of the car the pent up stress/awkwardness/ flight or fight response panickiness kicked in and I wanted to go. buss behind me waiting to use the terminal and the last time I tried to kiss on the first date it was rejected and ruined an otherwise pleasant date so idk. I was reading another thread and became more concerned about this particular incident. I don't want to accidentally have friendzoned/shown disinterest in someone who I was very interested in.

After the date she told me she couldn't go out again for two weeks due to financial issues. This could be a premise to let me down easy or she may be living in the city and have bills to pay and our expensive dinner tapped the "going out budget." My NT friend says this is normal.

I'm really really bad at texting due to being bad at comunicating quickly in general and touch screens hate me... also swype... and autocorrect.

I cant tell if she was laughing or fake laughing at my jokes... but that may just have been the way she laughs.

Positive.
Between dropping her off and getting a chance to check my cell she texted me three times. which I took as a great sign.

She is still talking to me on okcupid and we apparently have even more in common than we came across on our date and I struck a chord with a childhood memory (amv hell referance).

EDIT: forgot second TDLR

Second date:
This date was odd. Everything went to s**t. The trains were not running properly due to switches being frozen/ under snow drifts so I ended up being 30 minutes late. She offered to rain check and I decided to try anyways.

Positive:
We had fun talking
she actually waited for me despite my being assholishly late
After the date we kept talking on the train and I went with her even though it was the wrong way (this might have been a mistake on my part)
We talked about going cross country skiing at a later date.
she also is still talking to me on okcupid.

Confusing.
She told me after the date she is leaving for a month to go somewhere... which doesn't make sense because that would mean taking off work / losing her residence potentially given her work situation.

Getting on the train with her going away from my destination may have been creepy. I just remembered she suggested I might be late to my shift three hours later which may have been a hint to F off.

She left with a very terse goodbye. this may have been because she was 18 minutes+ late for a meeting with the group that manages her residence.

She was fidgeting with her hair a lot during the date. In high school a girl I liked would fidget with her hair when we were flirting, but it is generally just a generic stress habit and may not have been positive.

Conclusion:
the first girl is promising. I liked her a lot and I felt like we had chemistry but I think she is more weird/NT than aspie so she will expect me to conform to social norms which I'm already not doing too well at.

Second girl: I had real trouble reading her. I was getting a lot of positive signals but I also may have screwed up a bit. The "btw I didn't mention this but I'm now going to be gone for a month" sounds like she does not want a second date.

I have a date saturday I'm now expecting to get stood up by based on the fact that I asked her out and she said yes but there is no substantive conversation to speak of and when I tried to start one it went unresponded to.

I also have another girl who I'm getting coffee with sometime after the 12th who wants to cook with me if that date goes well so that will be fun and tastey.

My last 2 problems. Let's say that first girl does work out and we get on the path to happily ever after and it's not a Shrek remake.

1) how is she going to feel about me having other dates between our first and then? is that socially acceptable untill there is a formal monogamy clause?
-Could I get my social contracts in writing plox (jk)?
2) some of the info on my profile is fudged. My age is off by a year for several reasons on my profile, will this be seen as a "lie" later on? Can I bring it up?

You may have missed that goodbye kiss signal.

Buuut she's still talking to you.

And it's probably legit that she can't afford to budget for a night out until next pay period, especially since she's still talking to you.
So, sometime within the next week you ask her out on another date for the following weekend or so just after 2 weeks is up so you know she'll have just gotten paid & can say yes to going out if she wants to spend time with you.

She'll agree to go. Then you'll go out - and this time you won't miss the chance to say goodbye properly.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

welll... I have 2 reasons, the first is disingenuous and the second is paranoid.

1) oktrends shows that 23yo's need to have an income over 40K to get replies otherwise they receive replies at an exponentially lower rate than their peers. however that cutoff occurs at 22 (i.e. 22yo's are allowed to not have their life all sorted), so it's a small .... yeah that sounds like rationalizing to me too.

2) OKcupid has my creditcard info. If their database gets compromised the thieves can charge my credit card and I will have to dispute/ report the theft/ cancel and renew the cart. HOWEVER if they have accurate personal info like DOB, birth location etc etc they could potentially create new lines of credit in my name I would not even know about and the FBI does not side with the victim in those kinds of cases... ever, unless it can be proven in court. I'm terrified of having ghost credit lines start appearing because once it starts it will literally never end because the info gets resold again and again all over the internet and the pace of justice is much slower than my need to eat.

EDIT: can I just ninja-swap my DOB in the system and pretend like it was that way all a along?

So Ok Cupid is working out well for you, huh? Hmm. Maybe it might be the kick in the pants I need to take it more seriously. Yes, I have a profile but I really don't bother writing to anyone. Can't seem to find anyone I'm interested in anyway. Anyway, my AvPD kicks in big time when I look for people. Stupid disorder.

1 year age thing won't be a big deal. Secondly she may be doing the same thing, if she asks tell her the truth but I doubt she'll ask. Point is she doesn't need to know because if you choose her you chose her she won.

Oh and I think you should always try to kiss on the first date, very few women left who are THAT old fashioned. It's mainly used as a way to show you are in fact romantically interested and a way for them to show they are in fact NOT interested. On a first date this seems to be rather essential. If you just don't want to kiss her then don't but remember it's the best most clear signal you can give on a first date. IMO anyways never been on a date xD

so the "gone for a month" thing was me being dumb. Not able to go out for a month because she is taking a bunch of weekend trips, several of which she actually had mentioned before and I derped.

to the guy who is thinking of starting know this:

Okcupid made me feel much worse about myself for months untill I made changes. I literally only got three replies in as many months (though one of them was almost a good match and we went on 4 dates). The best recommendation is not to play by the rules. IDK about other guys but listing my interests and actually describing myself in my profile did not work in the slightest. You really need to get the right mix of questions and then just not answer any more at all, and that may take several tries. With my profile I deleted everything and said "f**k it, I'm just going to replace everything with bulshit. That didn't work, but it was more entertaining to write. The other bit of advice I got was to have your "3 words" that the reader should come away with from your profile to describe you. I'm "funny, geeky, dog-lover." possibly a little smart but I don't give myself too much credit there. So my profile attracts people who would like a funny, geeky, dog lover. After that I needed my questions to reflect those values as well. You need to avoid questions where your judgement is anything less than somewhat important. if your response is "irrelevent" then it truely is. My profile started working for me when I wrote something that followed the "three words rule" while also being bulshit that was fun to write.

Some lines work. Some compliments work. Questions almost never work. No one ever fell in love because they both really loved "hop on pop" as kids. The whole mutual interest thing is kind of arbitrary until the date and doesn't work for starting a convo with romantic intent. Volume of messages is meh. if you are using a bad line no matter how many people you send it to your wont get a response. I kind of have "autism face" in that my facial muscles don't properly engage when I am trying to make facial expressions. I took some pictures to add to my profile and showed them to my NT friend and she said "... but you also look like a cereal killer... like a guy who killed the lucky charm lepheracon... and is going for the trix bunny." So to counter that in my profile picture I made a non-expression facial expression. Which is to say I made an overly exaggerated facial expression more reminiscent of a cartoon character than an actual facial expression. I also got my dog to pose in the picture so at least one of us could be good looking... he has gotten lots of compliments for what that's worth. He's neutered so I don't think he would benefit much if I told him.

When messaging... dont give a f**k what happens. dont get worked up about a particular girl. honestly reading the girl's profile before the third message makes it hard to get to the third message. other than that idk.

I took your advice buff meant a lot of editing down on my profile for ease of reading and a lot of irrelevant questions deleted. Makes sense, if it's irrelevant why bother answering them?

If I marked them irrelevant then they are. If it becomes an issue then it's an issue I won't spend my time worrying over the details.