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American
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30 Dec 2013, 4:00 pm

I heard someone mention how they got a date from OkCupid in another thread here so I was wondering what experiences other Aspies have had with the website. I have never been on a date and I am now into my mid twenties. I feel like something is missing in my life and would consider using OkCupid. I am able to function in such a manner that a date (or a new regular friend) would not suspect me of being autistic although, at some point in the relationship, I would probably have to disclose. Any thoughts?



Eureka13
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30 Dec 2013, 4:13 pm

I was on several dating sites several years ago, of which one was OKC. There seemed to be a lot more people on OKC in my area than on the others (POF, eHarmony, Zoosk). At the time, I didn't know I was an Aspie, but if I remember correctly, there were a lot of "matching" questions on OKC, and I thought they were quite insightful to me personally, asking about things like levels of social comfort, needing alone time, etc.

From what I've read here on WP, it sounds like there are actually many questions on OKC directed specifically to people on the Spectrum. Seems to me there would be a better chance of finding someone compatible simply because of all the questions......and it seems to me that someone with ASD would be more likely than NTs to answer the huge barrage of questions (seems like there were hundreds, if not thousands, of them). I do recall that reading a potential match's answers provided a lot more detailed info than the basic profile.

Through sheer chance, I met my late fiance (the love of my life) on POF. Like me, he was not finding anyone else that sounded "right" to him. Even though we began our relationship kind of by default, it turned out to be the best relationship either of us had ever had.

So, when I get ready to date again, I will probably try OKC again rather than POF (or possibly both), simply because of the things I mentioned in the first two paragraphs above.

If you do decide to go for it, please keep us posted of your experiences. The more information we can share about what works and what doesn't could be of great value to all of us here.......and good luck!



sepia
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30 Dec 2013, 4:30 pm

Go for it. You have nothing to lose. You make a profile and send short friendly messages to suitable types. There is no cost and no obligation. Just remember to use the usual precautions when meeting anyone.
I have used it on and off for a few years and met some amazing people.
(ps. no i do not work for them) :lol:



American
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30 Dec 2013, 4:34 pm

sepia wrote:
Go for it. You have nothing to lose. You make a profile and send short friendly messages to suitable types. There is no cost and no obligation. Just remember to use the usual precautions when meeting anyone.
I have used it on and off for a few years and met some amazing people.
(ps. no i do not work for them) :lol:


Does the site show your zip code or other personal information that they require when you register?



sepia
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30 Dec 2013, 4:53 pm

American wrote:
sepia wrote:
Go for it. You have nothing to lose. You make a profile and send short friendly messages to suitable types. There is no cost and no obligation. Just remember to use the usual precautions when meeting anyone.
I have used it on and off for a few years and met some amazing people.
(ps. no i do not work for them) :lol:


Does the site show your zip code or other personal information that they require when you register?


i think it is free text for the location. there seems to be quite a bit of flexibility on how much info you have displayed on your profile.
will you let us know how you get on?



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Dec 2013, 4:58 pm

For females it can be awesome, for males it is difficult and good only for the very few.

Expect to get a date once in a blue moon.

When you read about others' experiences, the first thing you need to check is their gender because it changes everything.



sepia
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30 Dec 2013, 5:09 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
For females it can be awesome, for males it is difficult and good only for the very few.

Expect to get a date once in a blue moon.

When you read about others' experiences, the first thing you need to check is their gender because it changes everything.


yeah, i think women get more messages statistically. so bearing that in mind (i.e. not to take it personally), you just have to be patient and think quality over quantity.

i met my last boyfriend on there. we went out for just over 3 years and are still good friends.



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30 Dec 2013, 5:33 pm

American wrote:
sepia wrote:
Go for it. You have nothing to lose. You make a profile and send short friendly messages to suitable types. There is no cost and no obligation. Just remember to use the usual precautions when meeting anyone.
I have used it on and off for a few years and met some amazing people.
(ps. no i do not work for them) :lol:


Does the site show your zip code or other personal information that they require when you register?


The zip code is only used to show what city you live in (since the search feature operates by distance between locations). It will show your city but not your zip. As for other personal information, I'm not sure which you mean...I don't recall having to enter anything desperately personal other than where I live and my e-mail (your e-mail is not displayed).

I find that it is relatively easy to get dates and meet people from the site. Proceeding much further than that is a challenge though, for me at least.



Dox47
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30 Dec 2013, 6:19 pm

Here's my mini guide for using OKC that I posted here a while back, it's worked well for me:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5575841.html#5575841


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buffinator
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30 Dec 2013, 6:26 pm

I got A couple of dates on okcupid. I dated one girl for about a month but she formally asked me to be monogamous with her and then she broke up with me by email. I got another date that I was very excited for but there was a massive snowstorm and she canceled on me. She said we should reschedule but when I tried to set up the next date there was no callback and eventually I gave up. Besides that there were this and that where I'd ask a girl out and she would say yes but then nothing. I got a couple of numbers from people who proceeded to interact with me very sparingly, not at all, or confused the crap out of me.

I'm still talking to people and I've gotten better at eliciting first responses but... idk. Once I get the number it goes downhill quickly because I sometimes spend a long time thinking of a reply on okcupid and when that switches to texting instant response is required.


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30 Dec 2013, 7:02 pm

I had an OKCupid account until a few months ago (since I actually met my current boyfriend on DeviantArt), and I have to say the experience was...interesting.

I had a couple of creepers who couldn't take a hint message me, I had one guy try belittling me into marrying him (I have a screencap of that, but I'm not sure if it would be okay to post here on WP), but that aside I made some new friends, planned a date here and there...

I don't think it's a bad site at all, I would just advise people be careful. I even discovered this tool awhile back: http://callingoutbigotry.tumblr.com/pos ... or-okcupid



American
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30 Dec 2013, 7:15 pm

I really appreciate everyone's information and advice so far. I have not created an account yet because I'm too scared! First, it sounds like there are plenty of people on OkCupid who I would prefer to have no knowledge of my existence. Second, I have never dated before or have I, you know.... I would be looking for a woman in my age range (~mid twenties) who is okay with that. I guess I just don't understand how it all works and I am hesitant to put so much personal information online. It will be there forever (well, probably not after the heat death of the universe, but a really long time!).



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30 Dec 2013, 7:21 pm

American wrote:
I really appreciate everyone's information and advice so far. I have not created an account yet because I'm too scared! First, it sounds like there are plenty of people on OkCupid who I would prefer to have no knowledge of my existence. Second, I have never dated before or have I, you know.... I would be looking for a woman in my age range (~23-27) who is okay with that. I guess I just don't understand how it all works and I am hesitant to put so much personal information online. It will be there forever (well, probably not after the heat death of the universe, but a really long time!).


I actually put the zip code for a piece of land I inherited from my dad since I come from a really small town no one's ever heard of (but I would probably be easy to locate if someone decided to venture over here). Maybe if you feel uncomfortable you could put the zip code for a neighboring town and increase the distance you could like matches to be from you? I don't think OKC asks for your full address. : )



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30 Dec 2013, 7:46 pm

I got a few dates out of it, and lost my virginity with someone I met on there, but nothing long-term.

The vast majority of people with the same interests had "conservative" and "theist" as dealbreakers.

(I'm a Christian and vote either Republican or Libertarian)


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American
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30 Dec 2013, 8:02 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I got a few dates out of it, and lost my virginity with someone I met on there, but nothing long-term.

The vast majority of people with the same interests had "conservative" and "theist" as dealbreakers.

(I'm a Christian and vote either Republican or Libertarian)


I'm an agnostic, usually vote Republican, and have views that are mostly libertarian-conservative. So, it is tough to find people who share my views concerning both religion and politics. However, I am totally okay with a Christian woman, seeing as I am a "wait until marriage" type of person who completely shuns drugs, alcohol, and just about every vice (except for fried foods).



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31 Dec 2013, 1:10 am

American wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
I got a few dates out of it, and lost my virginity with someone I met on there, but nothing long-term.

The vast majority of people with the same interests had "conservative" and "theist" as dealbreakers.

(I'm a Christian and vote either Republican or Libertarian)


I'm an agnostic, usually vote Republican, and have views that are mostly libertarian-conservative. So, it is tough to find people who share my views concerning both religion and politics. However, I am totally okay with a Christian woman, seeing as I am a "wait until marriage" type of person who completely shuns drugs, alcohol, and just about every vice (except for fried foods).


I am a Christian, and definitely can't do the abstinence thing (in fact, I would need sex after just 3-4 dates). I have no problem dating someone who votes Democratic. However, animated sitcoms (Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, etc.) do not have much of a female fan base, at least not in Houston.


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