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I haven't posted on here in a long time, and I spent the last several months feeling extremely confused about my life and human nature in general. Another attempt at getting a diagnosis resulted in yet another horror show. And another attempt at bettering my life and doing something good...once again tragically blew up in my face.

So I'm posting under love and dating because I met someone new and have been on an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. I like him a lot, but given my emotional state, I'm unsure where this is gonna go. He seems to be like me in many ways, but I'm having trouble accepting that he is who he says he is. Ultimately, I'm having trouble believing that I can end up in a good relationship, so therefore, this guy will be up to no good before too long. But if I can't relax and be myself (and not anxious and upset), then this will go nowhere regardless. So I'm thinking I should get a book or two on PTSD to reassure myself that I can get through yet another life event no matter what that entails. And with that, I should be able to relax and see if this will go anywhere.

I guess I chose to post here, because he seems to have some aspie traits. It might help if I could get insight into aspies in relationships, but if I can calm down my fears and resulting anxiety, then I should be able to see these things through to find out. Does that make sense? I feel weird just jumping in to post after so much time has passed.

I read your post and I know what you mean. I'm in a new relationship myself. I also have issues with anxiety and depression (one of the many things that's lead me to believe I may be an Aspie myself; too many things listen, but I digress) and I keep fearing for the worst. My boyfriend has Asperger's and research is how I found this forum. Just reading about other people's experiences has helped me a lot.

If it helps you, I've read that when it comes to relationships people with Asperger's can be loyal and won't cheat, plus they're honest and incapable of lying most of the time. My experience has been pretty good so far save for when he gets really stressed out, it is then he needs his space, which I try my best to give to him. : )

Yeah, we've both said we would never cheat and have been the ones cheated on in the past. He seems really honest, and says he is a bad liar as am I. We are both socially awkward, and nervous about where things will go. But where he used to talk to me about stuff, he seems to have shut down, which is at least partialy due to my anxiety and distance. I've never felt so guarded before, or so extreme in my worries. But then I have a graveyard of failed relationships at this point and don't need another tragedy. I'm also struggling with things like....when he takes hrs to respond to my text is he intentionally ignoring me. It often seems he only cares about my feelings in so far as they affect him. So I can't stop myself from trying to read between the lines...will he be another controlling manipulator..?.. when can I reassure myself this will last..?.. and these seems to be unanswerable questions given there are no guarantees regardless of how good things start out or could possibly be.

I know...I sound neurotic don't I...?...

Please give him a chance. Talk to him, maybe lay things out, because perhaps he doesn't know.

All I know is I find when I fancy some woman, I yearn, yearn, yearn to know what they feel about me. I just want someone to say they like me. And I'd do anything...ANYTHING to get into a relationship with someone who'd like me.

Don't let him go. For his sake and yours.

Thank you. That is very sweet. : ) we actually spent a lot of time together over the weekend, and I think he has stopped needing reassurance from me about how I feel about him. And now, I'm the one who needs reassurance, but of course I don't want to admit that to him. ; )

OMG It is like you read my mind....... I mean that is exactly the way I feel when I fancy a woman... I just mean wow could not have said it any better

If he's a lot like you he may be somewhat or at least slightly on the spectrum too & he might have problems reading others emotions & needs at least from someone else possibly on the spectrum who's more upfront about things or better at hiding/not displaying them. He may think he's giving you needed/ or wanted space to deal & not know that you want reassurance. The direct approach that us Aspies have may be needed here by telling him & he may appropriate it. As for the anxiety aspect. I had lots of anxiety in my 1st two relationships thou my anxiety was a little different than yours & I felt very insecure which caused lots of problems. I started taking Buspar for anxiety after doing a bit of research on anxiety med because I had a bad panic attack worrying about things in my 2nd relationship & I didn't want to risk screwing things up like I did my 1st. I started getting alittle better but by then it was kind of to little to late & she realized she was better off without a relationship with anyone(not just me) due to wanting/needing alot of independence. I got in my 3rd relationship shortly after & my anxiety hasn't caused the problems in did with the other two but her personality is different & we're both kind of clingy & needy with each other about things so we're both secure about the other staying. If your going to consider the medication route, do a little research on meds & try to analyze yourself alittle & think about what you want to get out of a medication before seeing a doc so you can better explain what you'd like to try instead of just letting the doctor guess about you. It may also help to get counseling for PTSD or other things but you'd may have better luck with it if you can get a counselor who's experienced with Aspergers even if you don't have the diagnoses.

I kind of had the opposite path. I was really excited and secure in my first 3 relationships. It has been downhill from there over the past several yrs, and I'm an anxious mess these days. I'm not terribly interested in medication, and I'm finding that reminding myself when I'm being emotional has helped. Also posting here and then rereading how neurotic I sound is helpful. : ) I've tried counseling, but I have never found anyone who understands me. They think I'm lieing because my life and my way of being in the world doesn't make sense to them. I try to explain this is what happens when a person goes undiagnosed w these kinds of problems. And they say no I don't have those problems. So they are reading between lines they think are there when I'm being blatantly honest. Just a frustrating and hurtful waste of my time and money unfortunately.

I can relate to some of your frustrations. A little envious too, because my own experience has been more obliviousness------>crushing insecurity. Hopefully things take a turn for the better for you again, but until then I'll give you the very expensive advice from my last therapist---"Take more walks."