Saw her for the first time in 10 years!

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In 2002 I had a massive crush in this girl at my school (she was 13 and I was 12 at the time. The last time I saw her was in 2004 and she looked the same (she got pregnant and went to another school aged 13. Her grandmother used to be my childminder but my family had a big falling out with her.


I saw her recently for the first time in 10 years and her once strawberry blonde hair has turned a mousy brown colour, her once lanky slim figure is now fat, her personality not as nice and her face looks different. She also has 2 or 3 children. Overall it made me feel a little down seeing her change so much from the girl I was so enticed too back in school. It completely destroyed my nice memory seeing her older



Anyway How can i get over this because I still feel down about it really? I suppouse on the positive side I was have a biased liking of her no matter what she looks like since she was my childhood crush.

People don't tend to stay the same as how they were when they were 13. Everyone you knew is completely different by now.

Back in late 2011, I met my I'm-glad-she-is-now-my-ex-GF at the 2011 Portland Comic Con. We attended the same school when we were kids from first grade to fifth grade, so we saw each other on a near-daily basis. In fact, we were both in special ed together.

Ten years went by FAST! When we saw each other at Portland Comic Con, her curly blonde hair was straight and had a dark red color to it. Her lanky figure was more athletic. Her personality was less eccentric and more "no-nonsense." Over 18 months, I slowly realized how uncomfortable I was being around her, which eventually led to the breakup last summer.

Anyway, I apologize if this seems rude, but the best advice is that you should get over this girl as best as you can and move on with you life.

Last edited by AnonymousAnonymous on 28 Jan 2014, 4:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Surely it would have been worst if you saw her and she was just as lovely as she was, so you would still want her as much, but you are never going to get her.

I wasn't as lucky as you to see crushes from my youth turn old and fat, so in my mind they are still young and perfect and so I still pine for them.

How I would love to bump into some hideous old hag to free me from my unrequited Love that would instantly become, "How lucky am I that I never married that"!

Have you tried checking FaceBook?


Seriously, though, having experienced both of those situations, the fact is that as previously noted, people change constantly and anytime you're out of contact with a person for an extended period, you're going to grow in different directions and develop in different ways, so that by the time you see them again, the qualities that attracted you so before will have evolved, possibly into something unrecognizable, or entirely unattractive to you.

If you had been paired with that person, and both of you had experienced the same events and the same realities over that same time period, your personalities might have evolved in more similar directions and the attraction might have been sustained.

Or not.

I must admit I'm very jealous of those couples who do seem to grow side-by-side together over time, becoming even more pair-bonded over the years, whose mutual attraction and affection is still evident after decades. I so want to know what it's like to know another human being, inside and out, and know that they, too, know me - understand my feelings and motivations and truly empathize, to the level of becoming virtually one mind.

Is that impossible for someone with autism to ever experience? Does our neurology not have the receptors to allow such a connection? All I know is, every relationship I've ever been involved in lacked that, no matter what kind of overwhelming physical or romantic attraction was involved. But then, they've all been with those mystifying 'so-called' Neurotypical brains (or brains with a completely different and incompatible psychopathy). I have no idea what it would be like to be romantically involved with another Aspergian. Would that increase the chances of a truly spiritual and permanent bond? I know I've had close friends who were undoubtedly spectrumites and those have been the best friendships of my life, so...

Heh - sorry, I seem to have wandered off the path a bit. What were we talking about?

[quote="Nambo"]Surely it would have been worst if you saw her and she was just as lovely as she was, so you would still want her as much, but you are never going to get her.


never going to get her why would you assume that about me? Do you know what I look like? Some people have said I am very attractive and plenty of girls I have had a crush on have liked me back.

Then why get caught up on this one person you knew 10 years ago, who has multiple kids now?

Once I was riding the bus and there was a couple seated right behind me. Well, they seemed to be a couple anyway and I am quite sure that both of them were on the spectrum. They were deeply into a conversation about trivia, and my impression was that their minds were in total sync. Each person seemed to entertain the other by their mutual responses to one another. Their conversation was none of my business and I didn't disturb them in any way, but I couldn't help hear them and I will say that the experience of hearing their conversation left me with a good feeling. Basically, that it is possible to be eccentric and find someone with whose mind you will just "click" and be able to have quality communication.

That's not to say it's easy to find that, but I'm sure it's not impossible.

I also know of some NT people who have been married for decades and their relationships fit that which you described perfectly.

The only possible down side is that when someone has had such an awesome relationship or marriage, and the inevitable happens and one partner passes away before the other, it must be like a heartache on steroids. I don't mean to sound crass, but the higher you climb in life (in anything, even in elation due to a beautiful relationship), the harder you fall (in your heart) when that relationship comes to an end.

Life can be so unfair, and so confusing.

Still don't get your point?

[quote="Nambo"]Surely it would have been worst if you saw her and she was just as lovely as she was, so you would still want her as much, but you are never going to get her.

You saying I am unattractive or something?

Iam sure your not, but you do have Aspergers yes?, I have had tons of Women fancy me, until they realised how socially inept I was, maybe you have more luck with Women?, quite rare amongst us guys here who have probably all experienced unrequited Love, I was addressing thinking you was one of us, I thought I was helping you. my apologies that you have taken this as some sort of personal insult.

Okay thanks

You're upset over a girl who isn't even attractive to you anymore (you've mentioned she's 'fat' and has 2 or 3 kids) when "plenty of girls" you've crushed on have liked you back. It makes no sense to be upset over someone you aren't even attracted to.