My OK Cupid Profile- lots of women look, but do not messege

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Joined: 8 Oct 2010
Age: 35
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08 Jan 2013, 12:53 pm

After my ex broke up with me several months ago I opened up a OKC profile.

I've messeged some girls and women and get some replies back. The conversations seem to just die out- we are just too different and have only a few common interests. That is understanable-
what I don't get is that a decent number of women, (women that I would be nervous talking to or thinking that theres no way she finds me attractive) are browsing through my profile. they visit several times but do not messege me- i've actually only gotten ONE messege from a woman since I made my profile in the first week of DECEMBER.

if really beautiful women visit my profile repeatedly, they must be reading my descriptions and finding them somehow off putting or just not a good match. I really hope that me being truthful on my profile is not TMI. I dont know. tell me if it is, especially the female WP'ers! if it ever sounds bland, or desperate tell me. I'm a very straight forward person and have some trouble with humor. I totally understand humor but I'm very bad at expressing myself that way.

Will you take a look at my profile and give me your opinions on how I can improve my profile?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/mkt415

thanks !

Stargazer43
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08 Jan 2013, 1:13 pm

I thought that it looked fine, the only thing I would suggest is completely remove the entire "most private thing" section or replace it with something different. Talking about your ex's, in particular how you didn't have any attraction to some of them, can be very off-putting. Also keep in mind that women will very very rarely make the first move or send the first message, so if they are viewing your profile they may well be interested, but just want you to message them first (don't try to understand it lol).

rickith
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08 Jan 2013, 1:17 pm

I don't know much about online dating but if they visit your profile repeatedly then maybe you should take the initiative and message them (if their profile interests you aswell, ofcourse)? Perhaps they expect men to take the first step online much like that is sort of expected of them in real life?

deltafunction
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08 Jan 2013, 1:19 pm

I don't know much about online dating, but here's my tips from reading your profile (and reading a few too many women's magazines lol):

-get rid of the part about your ex. It seems as if you still have feelings for her and no one wants to be a rebound. It's best not to bring up past relationships. Also is one of those pics of you and your ex? It's not exactly something a potential gf would want to see right away. She'd rather think that you've burned all the old pics lol.
-Maybe show more of your strengths in the self-summary. I'm not sure how long people look at profiles and if they take the time to read the whole thing, but anything about marketing has told me that they probably don't. So show more strengths right away... like an advertisement for yourself. Again, didn't do online dating so that's just my opinion.
Overall it looks pretty good to me, but maybe a bit TMI. You really put yourself out there on your profile to give a good representation of yourself, but it kind of projects some insecurities. Maybe just leave a bit for the imagination and leave the details out. Any girl who is interested in your strengths can get to know your insecurities and faults over time.

kerryt84
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08 Jan 2013, 1:19 pm

Overall I think it sounds really good. I see no huge issues with it. A couple of things I'd suggest though are changing the first paragraph - start off with mentioning your best characteristics and features and don't mention terms like INFJ which the majority of people won't have heard of.

Also in the private thing you're willing to admit part I wouldn't talk so much about ex girl friends - most girls really don't like that.

alex
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08 Jan 2013, 1:21 pm

Most girls on dating sites don't message guys. They wait for you to send a message first.

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I'm Alex Plank, the founder of Wrong Planet. Follow me (Alex Plank) on Blue Sky: https://bsky.app/profile/alexplank.bsky.social

cubedemon6073
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08 Jan 2013, 1:25 pm

deltafunction wrote:

How does it project insecurities?

deltafunction
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08 Jan 2013, 1:35 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:

deltafunction wrote:

How does it project insecurities?

Um mainly in the self-summary and the most private thing paragraph. Aside from the above, some self-deprecating humour in the first paragraph. I think that listing strengths should go first instead, and some of the part about uncertainty for career path can be left out until later.

Just my opinion, maybe others see it differently. Also I think it depends on the kind of woman that you want to attract... Some may go for listing insecurities. Others may make a decision based on comparing strengths and certainties.

Edit: I knew there was some reasoning behind this.
Warning though, this may not be the kind of woman who you would want to attract

Quote:

Very attractive women can sense fear and insecurity the way a moth smells pheromones, so be light, fun and entertaining. Boyish charm can take you a long way with these women -- many of the great-looking guys they date can be seriously personality-challenged.

Dating very attractive women requires a seemingly big ego...

Read more: http://ca.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_1 ... z2HPk3BTJ7

Last edited by deltafunction on 08 Jan 2013, 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hyperlexian
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08 Jan 2013, 1:52 pm

welcome back! it's been a while, glad to hear you are on the right track and back in school.

i agree with the above posters, remove everything about your ex's in the "The most private thing I’m willing to admit" section, except perhaps this part:

Quote:

I'm still a novice when it comes to relationships.

(along with some other bit of interesting detail)

the picture of you with your ex is also a bit much. you might also want to consider that at least 3 or 4 of the pix appear to be party shots, so it gives you a party vibe that feels slightly out of step to the text you have written. it may be worthwhile to take some new pictures that better reflect your profile, unless you are still partying a lot (in which case you should rethink something in your profile, as you seem more calm and reflective than some of the pictures indicate).

if a female visits your profile more than once, it is often a hint to you that she might be interested in receiving a message from you, especially if she rates you.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2013, 3:04 pm

rickith wrote:

That.

alex wrote:

Most girls on dating sites don't message guys. They wait for you to send a message first.

and that

and also the ex thing.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2013, 3:07 pm

alex wrote:

Most girls on dating sites don't message guys. They wait for you to send a message first.

Which doesn't make much sense tho.

Aren't girls on dating sites SICK of receiving bunch of messages? Why don't they start sending messages instead?

BlueMax
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08 Jan 2013, 6:18 pm

^^^ They want to have the power to either approve or reject.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2013, 6:54 pm

BlueMax wrote:

^^^ They want to have the power to either approve or reject.

and they usually respond "I've tried to do the first move before but I got rejected, it was hurtful, so I decided to not do it anymore" or "I was forward but this scared the guys I approached" ...things like that, they get rejected like once or twice, they quit this way and leave it to the males to do the approach. Of course, males don't have the second option unless they're celebs.

ruckus
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08 Jan 2013, 7:03 pm

I message guys who interest me all the time.

MXH
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08 Jan 2013, 7:43 pm

OnE in a million a trend doesn't make.

And all the girls to have ever messaged me simply said one of those messages like "heeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" or "hi you're cute" etc, which are messages that when sent to women get instant rejection by most

yellowtamarin
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08 Jan 2013, 8:15 pm

MXH wrote:

ruckus wrote:

I message guys who interest me all the time.

OnE in a million a trend doesn't make.

No, but I'd say it's pretty close to a trend among women on this site.

(I browse anonymously myself so the visiting trick doesn't work.)

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

alex wrote:

Most girls on dating sites don't message guys. They wait for you to send a message first.

Which doesn't make much sense tho.

Aren't girls on dating sites SICK of receiving bunch of messages? Why don't they start sending messages instead?

It's not a matter of instead though, if these women send messages as well, that's even more work, because it won't make the incoming messages stop.

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