Dating anxiety! Date tonight! Help!

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Cafeaulait
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14 Feb 2014, 5:46 am

Hi everybody,

So a guy I met online wants to go and have a drink with me tonight. We live in the same city at 10 minutes distance of each other. He asked me yesterday night on facebook but I just felt so tense when he asked it that I couldn´t respond to any of his messages anymore. The boy is 23 and has aspergers too.

Even though we kinda connect on the internet and I want to see him, I have such dating anxiety! Rationally I know that I should make a big deal out of it and have nothing to lose, but all that is going through my head is: 'What if there is no connection? What if it turns out to be a disaster date where we end op looking at our smartphones all the time. What if it gets really uncomfortable?".


Oooh gooooooooooooood.


I don't know what to do. Does anyone recognize this?



MR_BOGAN
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14 Feb 2014, 6:15 am

Cafe you remind me of this meme.

Image

It's normal. He will probably be just as nervous if that makes you feel better.


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Deuterium
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14 Feb 2014, 8:00 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
What if there is no connection? What if it turns out to be a disaster date where we end op looking at our smartphones all the time. What if it gets really uncomfortable?

Then leave and shrug. Better luck next time.

Just be cautious if he's out for sex.



Yuzu
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14 Feb 2014, 8:17 am

Oooo fun! It's ok to be nervous. Maybe alcohol would loosen you up a bit (but be careful not to drink too much). Have a great time!



Bodyles
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14 Feb 2014, 9:23 am

Think about the absolute worst thing that could happen, from your perspective, in such an encounter.
Then realize that that thing isn't actually all that bad.
Then remind yourself that he's probably just as nervous, if not more so.

Rinse, repeat as necessary.

I call it the 'what's the worst that can happen? & they're more scared of you than you are of them' theory of dating.



yournamehere
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14 Feb 2014, 9:57 am

Tell him how you feel, and why.



Cafeaulait
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14 Feb 2014, 12:35 pm

I know he is just as nervous as I am.

I keep repeating to myself: what's the worst that could happen? what's the worst that could happen?

uglhlglhhhhhhhhhhhhh oooooooooooooh



Deuterium
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14 Feb 2014, 12:46 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
I keep repeating to myself: what's the worst that could happen? what's the worst that could happen?

The worst that could happen is getting hit by a car on the way there, probably.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Feb 2014, 12:49 pm

Take a deep breath.

Remember, if you feel nervous then imagine him naked - didn't work with me though.



Cafeaulait
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14 Feb 2014, 12:50 pm

But it's not just the talking to him itself.

It's the whole thing that goes in advance: meeting up at a bar, having to 'find' him first in a dark and crowded place...Maybe I won't recognize him right away. etc
It's things like that that make me nervous.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Feb 2014, 2:17 pm

PUSH THE BUTTON! PUSH THE BUTTON!

Image



Bodyles
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14 Feb 2014, 3:06 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
But it's not just the talking to him itself.

It's the whole thing that goes in advance: meeting up at a bar, having to 'find' him first in a dark and crowded place...Maybe I won't recognize him right away. etc
It's things like that that make me nervous.


Everything will be fine.
He wants to find you.
You want to find him.
You'll find each other.
You'll start talking.
You'll have a drink.

It'll be great fun, no matter what happens after that.
I promise.

If it's not, you have my permission to come back on here and berate me about my lack of foresight.



goldfish21
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14 Feb 2014, 3:19 pm

Be calm, think rationally.

If it goes well, great! You may have met a new friend or boyfriend or friend with benefits or activity partner or whatever you two decide.

If it goes absolutely horribly, so what? You're not obligated to see or talk to the guy again. No one else in your life is going to know any of the details about a lame date unless you tell them, so there can't be any judging or whatever. You won't have lost anything because you didn't have a connection with the guy or a relationship or anything. You'll be right back where you were, as whole as you've always been, nothing more nothing less - so who cares?

Even if it goes terribly, you'll have at least made an effort and tried! You'll have met someone new, gone on a Valentine's date, ruled someone out that you don't want to be with, learned to calm your anxiety about these things and get outside your comfort zone a little bit... so many positives to having gone through the process even if the end result isn't ideal.

But instead of worrying about what could go wrong, maybe you should try focusing on what could go right? I mean, what if the guy is totally awesome and you click with him and enjoy each other's company, share some great conversation, smiles & laughs all evening? Think happy thoughts and happy things may happen... focus on the negative and you'll manifest that reality because you'll make yourself so nervous and anxious and worried and so forth - so don't do that!

Try going for a run/doing some exercise to lift your mood a little, take a hot bath, enjoy some peaceful music, spend 20 minutes on peaceful meditation, spend a few minutes doing some "power poses," to boost your confidence by literally altering your hormone levels in the process... and then go out with the intent to enjoy yourself even IF he turns out to be someone you're not interested in seeing again. Then you'll end the night with a smile having accomplished a whole lot of good things even if a second date or boyfriend isn't the end result.

Relax, enjoy. 8)


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Cafeaulait
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14 Feb 2014, 6:19 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Be calm, think rationally.

If it goes well, great! You may have met a new friend or boyfriend or friend with benefits or activity partner or whatever you two decide.

If it goes absolutely horribly, so what? You're not obligated to see or talk to the guy again. No one else in your life is going to know any of the details about a lame date unless you tell them, so there can't be any judging or whatever. You won't have lost anything because you didn't have a connection with the guy or a relationship or anything. You'll be right back where you were, as whole as you've always been, nothing more nothing less - so who cares?

Even if it goes terribly, you'll have at least made an effort and tried! You'll have met someone new, gone on a Valentine's date, ruled someone out that you don't want to be with, learned to calm your anxiety about these things and get outside your comfort zone a little bit... so many positives to having gone through the process even if the end result isn't ideal.

But instead of worrying about what could go wrong, maybe you should try focusing on what could go right? I mean, what if the guy is totally awesome and you click with him and enjoy each other's company, share some great conversation, smiles & laughs all evening? Think happy thoughts and happy things may happen... focus on the negative and you'll manifest that reality because you'll make yourself so nervous and anxious and worried and so forth - so don't do that!

Try going for a run/doing some exercise to lift your mood a little, take a hot bath, enjoy some peaceful music, spend 20 minutes on peaceful meditation, spend a few minutes doing some "power poses," to boost your confidence by literally altering your hormone levels in the process... and then go out with the intent to enjoy yourself even IF he turns out to be someone you're not interested in seeing again. Then you'll end the night with a smile having accomplished a whole lot of good things even if a second date or boyfriend isn't the end result.

Relax, enjoy. 8)


You are right. I admit this soothed my anxiety a bit. Because we were both exhausted of our day we decided to move the date to sunday. So now I have two days to warm up to the idea which makes me feel a bit more comfortable.

Oh god, I can't believe I'm probably going on a date!

I'm gonna be reading this topic again on sunday before the date.



Cafeaulait
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16 Feb 2014, 10:17 am

OH MY GOD, the day has arrived.

I DON´T WANNA GO. I DON´T WANNA GO. I DON´T WANNA GO.

BUT I REALLY DO. YES I DO. I DO, COME ON.


Shoot me please.