Should I offer to visit her?

Post Reply New Topic

I've been talking to this girl online for about 3 months, like pretty much every day and we flirt and compliment each other all the time and already consider each other really good friends.

I really like her and would love to meet her, problem is there's a bit of an age difference (I'm almost 24 and she's 16) and I don't know if her dad would be thrilled to meet me. Normally I wouldn't like someone so young but she's really special and I don't know if I will ever find another girl like her, so I'm willing to wait a while to be with her and just be friends in the mean time. She's the first girl I've been interested in who's actually liked me back in more than just a friendly sort of way.

If I started saving money now I could probably visit her next summer - she lives on the east coast and I live on the west, and I figure if I had a thousand bucks I could fly out there and stay at a hotel for about a week and see her during the day.

Should I bother offering to visit? Like I said I doubt her father will be crazy about the idea, but she said he's pretty open minded, and I feel like if I don't ask now, she might move on and find somebody else. I care about this girl and wouldn't pressure her into anything, I just want to meet her as a friend to start with and I don't have any expectations it will go beyond that in real life; first and foremost I consider her a friend but I think she's really cute as well.

Yeah, I'd bring it up. If she's interested, perhaps ask her to run it by her dad and see what he thinks?

I had someone come to visit me like that when I was 16 although neither of us had romantic feelings for each other. We lived much closer to each other but it was the same basic scenario with the two of us meeting online and becoming very close. I certainly don't regret meeting him. We're still close friends. We did choose to meet the first few times in a neutral zone - a place that didn't belong to either of us. Meeting someone in person after talking to them online can be a little difficult and somewhat awkward at first. It's nice to be able to have that phase without your parents or siblings looking on.

I'd say go for it. You might consider talking to her father about it first though so that he doesn't mistake your intentions towards his daughter. Either that or you should certainly talk to him once you're there. Parents worry about their kids - at least, the good ones do. It's part of the job description.

I would wait until she is 18

You have to be SO very careful. Your basically talking to an underage girl. (Depending where she is, the age of consent may be 17 or 18.)

8 Years is a little more than a bit of an age difference, especially since she is under 18.

I honestly wouldn't do it until she's 18. Once she's 18, she's an adult and your safe. I mean even something simple like asking for a naughty picture is actually "solicitation of child pornography" or "producing child pornography" or "distributing pornographic materials to minors" And it's per picture.

I know if I had a 16 year old daughter, and she wanted to meet a 24 year old who was flying over, I'd be cleaning the shotgun and disabling her computer's wifi.

None of this is to say you are a bad person, or have any bad intentions. Please understand I do not mean to imply any of that. There are just to many stories where a decent, honest guy gets involved with an underage girl, and he ends up with a felony criminal record.

I say talk to her, keep getting to know her, don't do anything that would get FBI agents kicking your door down, and when she's 18, give her a big ass present.

When I was 20 I fell for a girl who was 15 and lived 3000 miles away from me, we met when I was back east for winter break.
She was incredible: precocious, extremely intelligent, wise beyond her years, and very, um, aggressive I suppose is the simplest way to put it.

We never did end up being together, but I've always thought of her as the one that got away, and to this day she occupies a very special place in my heart.
Sometimes I think I should have just moved back east to be with her, but then I come to my senses and realize how much I truly despise the east coast.

She's an amazing woman these days, married and a mother of a beautiful little girl, and we're still very good friends even though we almost never get to see each other since although she's a bit closer these days, it's still hundred of miles and neither of us has had the time or money to make the trek, though I did see her a few years ago when I was in the city she lives in for a convention, and several years before that when I did have some money I flew her out and she went to a friend's wedding with me.
Crazy woman hit on the bride on her wedding night.
Gods I love her, probably always will, and I'm glad that she's doing so well these days after struggling for so many years.

Age is just a number.
People are who they are.

bad idea to visit her if she's 16. I don't know where you live but in the USA that's not only frowned upon. It's illegal. Also, if you live in a different state, i think it doesn't matter what the age of consent is in her state because you're crossing state lines and that makes it federal jurisdiction.

1. Definitely wait until she is 18 before meeting her in person.

2. In the mean time be very careful about the content of your contacts with her. It is far too easy for you to end up on a sex offender list.

3. If the two of you are still interested in meeting by the time she is 18, make the first event a family affair.--That is, arrange to meet her at a neutral place, but with at least one family member present. I suggest some sort of outing followed by lunch or dinner. But definitely include the family. They are likely to feel very uncomfortable about someone from so far away and 8 years older than her wanting to spend time with her. You must do what ever you can to calm their fears and let them get to know you. Perhaps you could spend a couple of weeks there at a hotel/motel that year during a vacation, so that you and her family can have time to get acquainted.

4. In the meantime don't give up on finding someone in your area. Long distance romantic relationships rarely work, but there is nothing against keeping her as an I-net friend without "benefits."

Wait, what?

It's illegal to visit an underage friend?

I'm not sure I follow that line of reasoning, and I think you'd be hard pressed to find a law on the books that makes it illegal to do that.

I'm not saying that it's necessarily the best idea, as people can sometimes think that things are happening that aren't supposed to be, but I'm pretty sure that just visiting a friend is never illegal, no matter what their age happens to be or how many state lines you have to cross to do so.

It's certainly illegal to have sex with someone below the age of consent in any particular state, and it is illegal on the federal level to transport a minor across state lines for the purposes of sex, but it's not illegal to travel to a state as an adult and have sex with someone there so long as they are above that state's age of consent, on either the federal or state level.

Moreover, the OP stated that he wants to visit her as a friend and not for any sexual purposes, so I'm not sure what you're really talking about here, Alex.
Jumping to conclusions maybe?

Yeah I don't know why people are talking about it being illegal to meet up with someone underage. Sixteen-year-olds aren't allowed to socialise? The OP didn't say he wanted to meet up for sex, in fact he said:

It is a bad idea because male/female friendships tend to gravitate to the romantic (at least on one side or the other). And any romantic relationship between a 16yr old and a 24yr old is very much frowned on, especially as they have already began to communicate in a flirtatious manner. If ANYTHING happened the OP could be convicted as a sexual predator and that label would stay with him all of his life, and he would have to register where he lives (for his whole life).

It is safer not to risk anything and to not have any physical proximity until she is 18.

No one said it's illegal to meet friends, or that the OP was interested in sex. However the OP has said he as feelings for her and that could lead to things.

Yes, age is just a number, but there are also legal ramifications and legal issues, and the OP would not be the first guy to have his life ruined over seemingly innocent behaviors.

We are just advising the safest possible action, since sometimes it's only the appearance of something. For example, the girl's father could discover this, and call the police, and while the OP might ultimately be not guilty of anything if they just talked, it would still be a huge stressor.

I think you should visit her but be careful to not break any laws. If you really feel a strong connection to her and it might be the love of your life, you´d regret it if you didn´t give it a try. It probably has to do with me not being an american but I think that talking with her dad and searching for his approval just seem strange. I don´t think the age difference is that big. When I was a teenager I had many friends 14, 15, 16 years old that were together with guys that were 18-30 years old. They were on the same emotional level. But 15 is legal in Sweden so in that aspect it´s different for you, but if you´re willing to be platonic it´s allright, no?

If I found out a 24 year old flew across the country to visit my 16 year old daughter and I didn't even meet him, I'd hunt him down.

Not introducing yourself, if you decide to do this, can just make it worse. To some extent it's just a matter of courtesy, but the big issue is she's under 18, so he's still her legal guardian.

People are very sensitive, there are a lot of predators out there, and I was just reading an article about how it can be more difficult for people with Aspergers were there may be a larger differrence between physical and emotional age.

It's not an issue of me being emotionally immature, I would date a woman my age or even up to early 30s; I just think this particular girl is really special and I can overlook her age. I realize that I'm treading on treacherous water though with her father and possibly my own family too. I just hope her dad is understanding about it because I know if I was her dad I probably wouldn't be crazy about the idea, even though I'd just be visiting as a friend.

But if you were 12 when you had your daughter, wouldn´t you be more understanding? (if you really are 28 and have a 16 year old daughter that is).