How can I be romantic?

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How can I be romantic. Getting back together with ExGF has been a topic of conversation between almost since she dumped me. It's almost like she wanted a break from me. In her words, she says I need to get my s**t together before she can be with me. She later changed this to we both need to get our s**t together before we can be together.

She said my depression made it difficult for her since she already has depression herself. She now says I've gotten a lot better at combating depression. She said I was too disorganised. I've gotten a bit better at that too, I haven't locked myself out anymore times but I still have trouble with time management.

I got her to admit she has problems too. She acknowledges that she nags me. She started crying and she said that since I can see flaws in her that means I wouldn't want to be with her. She said that since she likes fairy tales and romances it influenced her to think her lover would see her as perfect.

I have a different way of viewing the world. I told her that while I don't think she's perfect this is not an insult because no one is perfect. I told her I'm not waiting for the perfect girl because the perfect girl doesn't exist. I told her that while I'm aware of her flaws I accept them and I don't see them as unusual because all people have flaws.

I told her that I can't stop thinking that she has flaws, anymore than she can stop thinking about elephants after I tell her not to think about elephants. I can't control my own thoughts like that and I can't lie to myself.

She told me that when she cries it's because she really can't help it, not because she's trying to manipulated me like I previously though.

Anyway, on to the point. She said she wanted me to romance the f**k out of her. Nice idea but I'm not sure how to do that. She has these romance movies and Youtube videos where a guy makes some big effort to make a romantic gesture and she says it's the amount of effort that makes it romantic. Of course small gestures count as well.

Anyway, she's a fan of Bollywood romances. I got her to acknowledge that real life relationships won't be like Bollywood romances. That's an unrealistic expectation. But I also have to acknowledge that is was unrealistic of me to expect that she'd make herself look like a supermodel for me. I think all my time on the pro ana forums gave me unrealistic expectations about what normal women look like and what normal dietary habits are.

She keeps watching this movie called Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. She told me to pay particular attention to one part, where the guy asks the girl, what is it that girls want. ExGF said she speaks for all women. She said "A girl only wishes that someone would love her to such an extent that no one has ever loved to somebody". That's quite a tall order, eh?

Anyway, I would like to make her feel romanced but I'm not sure how to go about doing that.

It's even weirder since our relationship is on hiatus and we keep alternating between flirting and being platonic. I don't want to do something creepy or demanding. I don't want to push things too far while our relationship is on pause.

Romance comes naturally or you have to work hard at faking it.

It's suppose to be spontaneous, which having to work at it isn't. But at least you'd be trying I guess.

I don't think it should be about big gestures. Romance is suprising her with flowers on non holiday, or a small gift,mor breakfast in bed, suprise kiss on the back of her neck.

People who can write can do poems. Might be taking her on a hike to spot with a view and having s picnic. Remembering things she like and her past. Like taking her to somewhere important in her past. Could be a resteraunt where her parents first dated, or where you first met etc. I think romance would vary per person. What one lady finds romantic others might not or worse find it cheesy.

Thst said i dont know. I've had things I've done called romantic or cute.
I always brought s single pink rose to dates, it shows admiration. I'd like to bring two to the next if I'd ever got s second date.

One lady liked black so I tried hard to find dark purple rose, close as one can get to black.

FYI
Yellow is for friendship
White for weddings
Red of course is deep love more the deeper. Never give a lady 12 red roses when just going out.

Hardest problem was keeping the rose healthy til the date.

I don't think I'll give roses anymore. I dont know thst most women care for romance anymore

It's about showing you care.

Also I don't think you should get back together with her, you two seem toxic to each other :s

Hmmmm this girl seems like she she wants a bit too much in the way of gestures. Sometimes a love letter that declares your love is a wonderful gesture. Or telling her how beautiful she is as you lay together. Big gestures don't always equal romance.

You could take her out for a nice meal, buy roses and wine and dine her.

Or if you have alot of money why not hire an elephant and turn up outside he house

Jokes aside I agree woth sly's reply completely! Those small things are what makes romance.

Your exgf may be a bit fansiful in her ideas, especially if she is watching all that bollywood romance. Thst stuff is impossible (although I suppose you could dance and sing to her)

Maybe you're right Sly. I keep on thinking I want to be with a skinny girl but skinny girls are out of my league. Only fat girls like me  

But I like her personality. I keep trying to convince myself that a fat girl with a nice personality is nicer than a skinny girl with an unknown personality. 

But when I see skinny girls I want to cry because I know I'm probably doomed to marry a fat girl  

But I should have done stuff like you suggested. I kept on thinking of getting her flowers but I never got around to it. I kept on thinking of taking her to the hill that overlooks the city one night but I never got around to it.

I should do more for her. On our first date she gave me home made cookies. She used to cook all my work lunches. I should appreciate her more.

Not all girls want that.
What she said - it's an unrealistic expectation.
Worse, it's one with vague parameters.

Because if that's what she wants - has she ever felt like you did that for her? or could do that for her?
You should ask her.
And if she says yes, ask her for details. Specifics.

If she doesn't know, how are you supposed to know?
If you don't know, how are you supposed to do?

You sound like you're trying, and she sounds like she's making you try.
May I ask - why?

Why were you on "pro ana" forums?

Because I want to lose weight.

By being an anorexic? Anorexia is a mental disorder. You should spend time watching weight loss shows. Right now I'm watching Jackie Warner videos and found a new protein shake I want to try. You need to exercise and eat a good diet. Lift some weights.

It seems to me that you don't much care for this person to be your girlfriend - more like you feel you're just getting the scraps that other people didn't want. Is that how you feel?