NT seeking advice on crush on an AS guy friend

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I apologize for this really long wall of text…

It’s personally hard for me to write this, because I’ve never really turned to advice on forums before. I tend to keep my problems to myself, but I really feel like I have no one to talk to or ask for advice to about this. I’m a 22 NT college student, I have an anxiety disorder and was diagnosed with PTSD I’m working on slowly through from previous sexual abuse back in high school with a really terrible “friend”. Both of these I’ve worked really hard to get through, and while I’ve made huge progress in finally having friends, I’ve never been in a real relationship. My only experiences are this “friend” from high school, who took advantage of me, and an older man who worked at the school whom I became close to, yet we couldn’t have any romantic contact with each other. He and I are good friends though.

2 years ago, I met a guy at a mutual friend’s party and we hit it off immediately. His friends told me he had mild AS, but I didn’t think about it and we got along really well. We saw each other almost every day that week, yet things changed when I met his best friend, who was a female girl with AS who seemed to have quite the amount of control over him. He did everything that she told him to do, and eventually she became obsessed with one of my own friends, a quiet boy in the group who wasn’t interested in her. Yet she did everything she could to try to get him to notice her, and when he didn’t reciprocate it, she also turned on my other female friends for having “bewitched him”.

Through this female friend, my guy friend learned that I liked him and we only had some physical moments twice. We only made out, and during those times, they were only at night and he was extremely different from how awkward he was during the day time. Even when I expressed that I was a bit scared to go on due to my PTSD, he was very gentle, patient, and he seemed to be very attached to me. In the mornings however, he would pretend that mostly nothing happened, or claimed that he was half asleep, except he sometimes would later ask me if I enjoyed myself the night before.

His friend however continued to manipulate him into setting up scenarios for her to end up with the quiet guy friend, and our group began having internal problems because of her. She also began to control the times I saw my guy friend, to the point that the only time I had ever seen him express his emotions was when he texted me about being upset that he and I couldn’t e together because she was ruining his life. He pretended to had never written that the day after. He also admitted one that he liked me, but didn't know what to do about it, even when I suggested for us to take it slowly. He would avoid discussing relationships at all.

Eventually things came to a very awkward halt among everyone during a trip outing we had all planned, where the female friend became hysterical in the hotel after the quiet boy rejected her. (Or, he had rejected her previously, but she finally caught on). She had a huge row about it, and my guy friend tried to calm her down. Eventually it caused a rift between all of us and a whole lot of confusion, so the female friend and him were asked to leave the trip, but we had spoken to my guy friend that we would eventually see if we could mend things with him after all boiled over. He seemed okay with that, although over the course of the year, the girl tried removing us from all of his social media. We saw him again briefly, and I went to see a movie with him, but he was much more quiet while my best friend said she still saw the signs that he was interested in me. I wasn’t sure, because I assumed that we were all still awkward from the previous incident. By then, we had also learned that he and the girl stopped being friends, but it was a very painful parting.

Over the year, I continued to see him on a brief occasion or see him on Facebook, and he only spends time with a very select group of friends. I was too shy to try to befriend him again until I saw him at a holiday party and we hit it off really well again. I finally then decided to try to ask him to someplace to see if maybe there would be a possibility that we could try again, or if he even still felt the same.
I texted him to go to an amusement park with me, but he never responded. I called the day afterward, and he sounded unsure, till I just bluntly said that I wanted to go somewhere with him, and if he wanted to go somewhere with me. He responded yes, but since he was sick, he’d see how the week went. He sent me updates but we texted little, and then this Sunday morning, I wasn’t sure what to expect. He texted me late into the day asking what our plan would be, so we just opted to catch up over lunch. It went well, we talked a lot and he seemed engaged to share a lot about himself.

It wasn’t until we finished there, when I suggested to go someplace, but he mentioned that he would rather go home since he was still feeling sick. As we were leaving, I mentioned clearly that I had always liked him, and that I had wanted him to know because I wanted to see if there was a chance to move on to something more than just friends. He mentioned that he knew I liked him, but he basically rejected me, saying that he didn’t want a relationship and he didn’t like me like that, even when I asked if he ever saw a chance of that changing. He said no, that probably not. I explained to him that things had changed a lot for me, and I had also seen it in him too, and I wanted to be there to support him, and if we were in a relationship, I would be supportive of all of the things important to him too. He seemed to understand, and he kindly told me that while he didn’t want to push me away, he acknowledged that it took a lot of courage for me to say those things to him, and he appreciated it. Before then, had leaned forward to give him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, I suppose a personal way of trying to let go on my part, but he flinched and immediately pushed me away. He said he didn’t want to, so I didn’t persist and as we talked a bit more, I let him know that regardless of what he felt or didn’t feel about me, I would still be his friend and wanted to hang out and spend time getting to know him. He seemed happy about it, so I suggested if it was okay to hug him, so at first he gave me a quick one-armed hug, so I just awkwardly hugged him back. He then said that was a weak hug, so this time we hugged again tightly, and then he left.

I felt like I understood his behavior, I didn’t blame him for him reacting the way he did. I think I’m very confused as to admit that maybe he just got over me in time, but I also wondered if he was just not wanting to deal with all of those things that happened in the past with us, regardless of us trying to disregard them. I wondered if he was scared to do anything based on what happened with his former friend. I knew it was painful for him, and she had before hinted that she had also sexually manipulated him. I care very much about him, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, so I do feel a bit heartbroken that he probably doesn’t feel that way about me. I think I just came here for advice in wondering if there would ever be a miracle of a chance that he might change his mind, or if there is anything I can do as a friend to continue to be supportive to him.

He kept saying for us to talk more later about it, but I don’t even know if I should talk to him about it? I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable, but I would like to be a good friend and supportive to him. I genuinely hope that one day he could change his mind about me. I think it hurts because we had such great chemistry, and now it’s so different.

I came on here because over the past week I’ve been on this site trying to find the right things to do and say with him. I didn’t want to mess this up again. He tells me that he’s such an oddball, and I’m so shy…I went here for advice because I wanted to have the courage to finally tell him how special he was to me. I thanked him later through text for today like nothing else happened and while I got no response, I just feel mixed in wishing it had been different. I don’t know if I should really move on with my feelings, or stay and hope something will change if we get to see more of each other?

Either way, I say thank you to this forum for any advice given, as it is much appreciated, but also giving me the chance to share a bit of my feelings and hope.

To me you sound like a very brave person.
I don't know about the whole romantic thing so I'm not going to pretend that I do. But you said that you care a lot for him and if you just want to be his friend then I'd suggest to stay patient and just be there for him, (this is if it doesn't cause you too much pain and only if it's something you really want). I have friends I sometimes won't see for a year but it doesn't mean I care for them any less and any time we see each other we're just like we've always been. Obviously I can only talk from my own point of view but letting a new friend "in" to my world takes a lot of time and patience for that person. Do what you feel is right for you and all he can do is do what feels right for him.
On another note I'm not sure if an amusementpark would be such a good idea for an early date due to the immense sensory overload one can get from them and the crowds of people, but maybe that's just me.
Hope this helped in some way, take care. (:

You seem like a very nice person. If it was me I would move on. I don't know if that's helpful advice.

I agree with the above poster. I would move on.

However, that isn't to say you two can't be friends.

BUT, I don't know if you're anything like me but if I have strong feelings for someone then I can't be friends with them for a long time. I'll be nice and we can chat if we cross paths, but I need some time away from them to fully get over them if they're not interested in me.
Hanging around them would just be a heartache for me and it would be hard to really have a true friendship so some time away would do me some good.

Sometimes it doesn't take months... Like I wind up dating and developing strong feelings for someone else, then I can re-engage with the other person before and not have feelings for them any more than just being friends.

I really want to personally thank each of you for your replies.

It has been a heartbreaking experience for me, but because of the my own personal past, I feel like even if things didn't go the way I wish they did, I suppose it'd be for the best. I deeply care about him, and I can find it in myself to be able to spend time with him as a friend. He mentioned that he did have a very close group, and that with time, he'd see if I could be part of that. I'd like to try, because I'd like to be in his life and I want to see him hapy too. I feared a lot that the past incident and losing that female friend might have been hard on him. I wouldn't ever want to be angry and leavve the friendship. In some ways, we acknowledged both that despite past feelings and incidences, we still met up and hoped to chat as friends. He seems to like groups a lot and spending time in groups, and he liked my friends a lot back then. He seemed open to planning new things and implored me to talk to him more soon, so I might wait a few days or so and on the next group event just invite him and make a plan. I think he might benefit too for us to be friends within a friendly group environment. And it might help me too be able to have a good friendship with him without any pressure. He is sincerely a very intelligent and kind person, and I wish nothing but happiness for him.

Yet romantically, I think it might be an opprtunity for me to move on. I sincerely wish that things would change one day if we got to know each other better and developed a real friendship, but I think I might also have to keep searching too actively because it may or may not work out that way.

I really appreciate the replies and it means a lot to me that you all gave me really great feedback. I think it's helping me push forward a lot and even have more strength to be a good friend to him. Thre might be days where it will hurt, but I have a great deal of unconditional care for him that really has no category, but it strengthens my efforts to have a good friendship with him.

Thanks for the amusement par tip by the way,He mentioned he wasn't too fond of the place, only unless in a group.

Also out of curiosity (and possibly NSFW or triggering) but based on the scenario I explained about him possibly being sexually manipulated by a friend (I know she confirmed this, but I only assumed a certain level of nature was bad considering how both described it), has anyone here been in a similar situation, and did it pshed them away frm wanting to be attached to anyone?

Once again, thank you so much.