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How can I learn to be happy alone?

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Brianruns10
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05 Feb 2014, 1:47 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Clearly there was a lesson to be learned here and that lesson is that you are unlovable.......... :roll:

See you in a few weeks when you make several other threads for the next girl........ :wink:


Nope, you're wrong. I'm done, for good. Just gonna focus on loving myself, and loving the life. So if someone comes along, that's a bonus, but I'm happy either way. I'm just done trying now. I can't put up any more with how cruel some people can be, or worse than that, that apathy most have. I'm gonna live for me.


Sounds good! :thumleft:

I'll be sure to quote this exact post in your next date thread. :wink:


I must ask, what is your deal? Why do you take such a personal interest in me particularly? Is anyone holding a gun to your head, compelling you to monitor my posts and to write responses aplenty. Look, I'm not perfect, I'm trying to figure stuff out, and I'm quickly growing tired of how you're always there ready to with this snide comment or that. Is that all you have going in your life? Because that's sad. I mean, I know I'm not perfect and I've got issues, but I get out, I exercise, I'm trying at least.

Just do me a favor. If you don't have advice, please don't bother anymore. Because your snark is not welcome.



Brianruns10
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05 Feb 2014, 1:49 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
Eureka13 wrote:
I wish I could learn to be happy alone, but I know what a nearly perfect relationship is like, so I keep wanting that again. Unfortunately, since I'll quite likely never be satisfied with anyone who is not essentially a clone of my late fiance, the chances of me ever finding it is slim to none.

It probably is a good time to take time for yourself, develop yourself as a person. Aspies are purported to mature later in life than NTs, so it is not unusual for an Aspie (especially a male Aspie) to marry for the first time relatively late in life. By that time, the women will be more mature, as well, and less likely to treat other people as badly as young women seem inclined to.


"late fiance?" Did he pass, or did you mean "ex-fiance?"


He was killed by a drunk driver last August.


Words can't even begin to express what I feel. I wouldn't wish such pain as what you've felt upon the worst people in the world. I'm deeply, deeply sorry, and I wish for you all the best.



Cafeaulait
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05 Feb 2014, 3:14 pm

Start loving yourself, and all good things will come 'round



Geekonychus
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05 Feb 2014, 4:17 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Clearly there was a lesson to be learned here and that lesson is that you are unlovable.......... :roll:

See you in a few weeks when you make several other threads for the next girl........ :wink:


Nope, you're wrong. I'm done, for good. Just gonna focus on loving myself, and loving the life. So if someone comes along, that's a bonus, but I'm happy either way. I'm just done trying now. I can't put up any more with how cruel some people can be, or worse than that, that apathy most have. I'm gonna live for me.


Sounds good! :thumleft:

I'll be sure to quote this exact post in your next date thread. :wink:


I must ask, what is your deal? Why do you take such a personal interest in me particularly? Is anyone holding a gun to your head, compelling you to monitor my posts and to write responses aplenty. Look, I'm not perfect, I'm trying to figure stuff out, and I'm quickly growing tired of how you're always there ready to with this snide comment or that. Is that all you have going in your life? Because that's sad. I mean, I know I'm not perfect and I've got issues, but I get out, I exercise, I'm trying at least.

Just do me a favor. If you don't have advice, please don't bother anymore. Because your snark is not welcome.

The fact that you still don't get it is proof to me that a self-awareness deficit is the root cause of your issue. Unfortunately thats something only you can figure out.

If you want to take your issue to a place without any snark, you should be posting this in The Haven. Based on your history on this forum, it's plainly obvious you're phishing for sympathy and not actual advice. I get it dude. It sucks. But experience isn't worth s**t if you constantly learn the wrong lessons.

I'll post in whatever threads I want to (including your next dating thread) but I'm done with this one.

I'll leave you with this:
A pet dies and you decide you can no longer get another one after that.

Think about how this might relate to your dating issue..........



aspiemike
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05 Feb 2014, 4:33 pm

Spirituality and Faith were the answers for me. May be something for you to look into perhaps. That's all I will leave you with


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Jono
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05 Feb 2014, 4:42 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I think I've finally broken today. I got a really cruel message from a woman with whom I'd been corresponding. We'd written back and forth, and I didn't hear from her in a few days..that and with a big winter storm we got, I sent her a quick, "Hey what's up? Are you snowed it too?" that sort of thing. She wrote back: "Your messages make want to punch you in the face. You[r] annoyance rattles my brain to no avail."

I've realized at that moment, that I'll never understand people. I'll never relate to them. I'll never be able to comprehend someone who can be so capriciously cruel. I've looked back at the whole of my attempt at dating, and what good has come of it. And I realize it's nothing. A lot of heartache. A lot of money spent on dinners and movie tickets that I could've spent on things like my baseball card collection...things I know will last and won't abandon me or insult me. Trying to find love and acceptance where there is none, only judgment and apathy.

I'm done with it all. To hell with love. To hell with companionship. To hell with people.

I need to find a way to learn to be content as I am. How I can I repress, and banish away these desires for love? How can I squeeze thoughts of women out of my head and focus simply on living a good, quiet life dedicated to that which I can control, that which I am good at?


Sorry to hear that. She sounds like a real b***h.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Feb 2014, 5:46 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I think I've finally broken today. I got a really cruel message from a woman with whom I'd been corresponding. We'd written back and forth, and I didn't hear from her in a few days..that and with a big winter storm we got, I sent her a quick, "Hey what's up? Are you snowed it too?" that sort of thing. She wrote back: "Your messages make want to punch you in the face. You[r] annoyance rattles my brain to no avail."

I've realized at that moment, that I'll never understand people. I'll never relate to them. I'll never be able to comprehend someone who can be so capriciously cruel. I've looked back at the whole of my attempt at dating, and what good has come of it. And I realize it's nothing. A lot of heartache. A lot of money spent on dinners and movie tickets that I could've spent on things like my baseball card collection...things I know will last and won't abandon me or insult me. Trying to find love and acceptance where there is none, only judgment and apathy.

I'm done with it all. To hell with love. To hell with companionship. To hell with people.

I need to find a way to learn to be content as I am. How I can I repress, and banish away these desires for love? How can I squeeze thoughts of women out of my head and focus simply on living a good, quiet life dedicated to that which I can control, that which I am good at?


I would reply her quickly: "Look, show respect and respect yourself, I am not your punching bag when you are in a bad mood, ok?" - don't use insults.

They always apologize after you show such low people your canines and your spine in a respectful manner, they would feel belittled, soooo smalll and ashamed.

After she apologizes, tell her that you no longer want to talk to her and block her. They might get to the extent to try to contacting you in some alternative way, if this happens, get your revenge, it's your turn to yell at her and telling her she's annoying - and block her again, you don't want a such person.

I love it when this happens.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 06 Feb 2014, 3:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

anna-banana
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06 Feb 2014, 8:38 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
I think I've finally broken today. I got a really cruel message from a woman with whom I'd been corresponding. We'd written back and forth, and I didn't hear from her in a few days..that and with a big winter storm we got, I sent her a quick, "Hey what's up? Are you snowed it too?" that sort of thing. She wrote back: "Your messages make want to punch you in the face. You[r] annoyance rattles my brain to no avail."

I've realized at that moment, that I'll never understand people. I'll never relate to them. I'll never be able to comprehend someone who can be so capriciously cruel. I've looked back at the whole of my attempt at dating, and what good has come of it. And I realize it's nothing. A lot of heartache. A lot of money spent on dinners and movie tickets that I could've spent on things like my baseball card collection...things I know will last and won't abandon me or insult me. Trying to find love and acceptance where there is none, only judgment and apathy.

I'm done with it all. To hell with love. To hell with companionship. To hell with people.

I need to find a way to learn to be content as I am. How I can I repress, and banish away these desires for love? How can I squeeze thoughts of women out of my head and focus simply on living a good, quiet life dedicated to that which I can control, that which I am good at?


I would reply her quickly: "Look, show respect and respect yourself, I am not your punching bag when you are in a bad mood, ok?" - don't use insults.

They always apologize after you show such low people your canines and your spine in a respectful manner, they would feel belittled, soooo smalll and ashamed.

After she apologizes, tell her that you no longer want to talk to her and block her. They might get to the extent to try to contacting you in some alternative way, if this happens, get your revenge, it's your turn to yell on her and telling her she's annoying you - and block her again, you don't want a such person.

I love it when this happens.


word. whenever you find a toxic person in your life, cutting off all ties is the thing to do.

now, that doesn't mean you should become a hermit for the rest of your life, but if you seriously want to be happy alone, here is some advice that worked for me:
1) get a dog
2) take SSRIs

honestly, the years I spent living on my own with my dog & being medicated were really quite happy. I was content to not have any sexual desire (the SSRIs took care of that), and having a dog meant always having a loving creature around, without any of the fuss that relationships entail. I didn't even know what loneliness felt like until my dog died (imho having the Internet, which takes care of the need to vent & exchange ideas, true loneliness really boils down to not loving & not being loved on a daily basis, which is why dogs are so awesome to have).

so if I ever decide to be single again this is what I will definitely do.


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06 Feb 2014, 11:56 pm

Okay I know I'm a little late to the party, but you've hit on something REALLY important that a lot of people (even Neurotypicals) NEED to realize.

You have to be okay with yourself on your own before you can be ready for a relationship.

You don't have to swear off dating for good. You just have to get to the point where your life is perfectly fulfilling WITHOUT a relationship. Have friends, interests, a life, etc. and don't be desperate. People will actually like you better when you're not looking for a relationship--and when you do find someone you're interested in, it'll be because of who they are, and because you truly care about them, instead of just "Oh hey look this person might be willing to put up with me." It'll be about them, not you...and they notice that!

Just get used to being single. Focus on your life and your friends and your interests and realize that it may suck now, but when you do find peace without a relationship, you'll be a lot happier.



Brianruns10
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07 Feb 2014, 3:06 pm

diniesaur wrote:
Okay I know I'm a little late to the party, but you've hit on something REALLY important that a lot of people (even Neurotypicals) NEED to realize.

You have to be okay with yourself on your own before you can be ready for a relationship.

You don't have to swear off dating for good. You just have to get to the point where your life is perfectly fulfilling WITHOUT a relationship. Have friends, interests, a life, etc. and don't be desperate. People will actually like you better when you're not looking for a relationship--and when you do find someone you're interested in, it'll be because of who they are, and because you truly care about them, instead of just "Oh hey look this person might be willing to put up with me." It'll be about them, not you...and they notice that!

Just get used to being single. Focus on your life and your friends and your interests and realize that it may suck now, but when you do find peace without a relationship, you'll be a lot happier.


That's what I'm going to work really hard on doing. Loving myself, and loving where I'm at, and just focusing on doing the best I can. But as to whether I let someone else in? Doubtful. I'm sick of being hurt by people. Someone's really going to have to prove themselves to me, and even then, there's gonna be ground rules. I'm not going to sacrifice my bigger goals or priorities for them, or anyone. Not any more. Too much time wasted already doing that. From here on, I live for me and no one else.



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07 Feb 2014, 3:45 pm

I am sooo open to being in a relationship but i am just not meeting anyone!!



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07 Feb 2014, 5:54 pm

This same kind of thing happens to be pretty often. I can never figure out what the hell people want. You are not alone, OP.



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07 Feb 2014, 9:01 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
I am sooo open to being in a relationship but i am just not meeting anyone!!


are you on dating sites?

you seem like a ok lady, i'd meet you if you were near by lol

i don't meet(as in go out and see them) women, the ones i've talked to on sites lose interest in me fast or are far away.



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07 Feb 2014, 11:23 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
I am sooo open to being in a relationship but i am just not meeting anyone!!


I wish you lots of luck in the future. Keep trying, be willing to try different things, but also give yourself a break from it if you need to.



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08 Feb 2014, 2:45 am

....You can always be an otaku and drink at home and watch anime and play video games and post on wrong planet! A lovely temporary escape from the harsh reality!


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08 Feb 2014, 5:12 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
I think I've finally broken today. I got a really cruel message from a woman with whom I'd been corresponding. We'd written back and forth, and I didn't hear from her in a few days..that and with a big winter storm we got, I sent her a quick, "Hey what's up? Are you snowed it too?" that sort of thing. She wrote back: "Your messages make want to punch you in the face. You[r] annoyance rattles my brain to no avail."

I've realized at that moment, that I'll never understand people. I'll never relate to them. I'll never be able to comprehend someone who can be so capriciously cruel. I've looked back at the whole of my attempt at dating, and what good has come of it. And I realize it's nothing. A lot of heartache. A lot of money spent on dinners and movie tickets that I could've spent on things like my baseball card collection...things I know will last and won't abandon me or insult me. Trying to find love and acceptance where there is none, only judgment and apathy.

I'm done with it all. To hell with love. To hell with companionship. To hell with people.

I need to find a way to learn to be content as I am. How I can I repress, and banish away these desires for love? How can I squeeze thoughts of women out of my head and focus simply on living a good, quiet life dedicated to that which I can control, that which I am good at?


Clearly online dating is a bad choice for you. Don't bother with it. People would not speak to you like that in real life. If you can't understand what people are like on the internet, you're never going to get anywhere. You seem to get very upset with internet people which should be addressed before you bother using it for dating.

I actually think people who have issues with being single/ wanting to look perfect or some other obsession are compensating for some underlying issue which is the real problem. The underlying issue is always to do with your feelings about yourself. Would pay for you to find yours. I'm currently paying a shrink to help me find mine.