Very close to giving up on my marriage

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He is not my best friend. He won't walk across the street to help anyone. I can't tell him anything, good or bad.

But I think he'll try to keep our son from me. It would be bad for him to grow up with a parent with anger issues. He wouldn't physically abuse him, but he'd demonstrate screaming, cursing, knocking holes in walls behavior to him.

And even if I could get my son, who would be interested in a heavy, middle-aged poor woman with a small, difficult child?

Would something like a trial separation be a good way to take a pause? It sounds like your husband obviously needs to work on ways to better handle his anger.

And as I'm sure you've heard, who gets main custody of a child is often a function of who has the better lawyer.

And sure, a heavy middle-aged woman can meet someone. Of course. For me, meeting people in general seems impossible until it seems amazingly easy. And I'm experimenting with putting myself in position and then undertrying.

try the Surrendered Woman, Laura Doyle approach. just for a few days.
you might be amaaaazzeeedd at the change in him.
Of course if he doesn't start caring for you, actually practically, then by all means stop.

you see men have egos, they want to be heroes and leaders to lovely women. It's so, so easy for women to get into the fun

My heart goes out to you, I have been through a divorce and it can be devastating. I don't have much advice to give but my thoughts are with you.
Make sure you are absolutely certain that this will be the right thing for you and your child. I am sorry

I have tried that Surrendered Woman thing, but I don't think my heart was in it because I have ADD and it's hard to get out of my head and look around me most of the time. He thinks I do it on purpose because I don't care, but I did care.

If I trip over his shoes in the middle of the night and wake him up, he thinks I did it on purpose. If I make a mistake with the checkbook, he calls it "sabotage". He goes out of his way to use the most blaming language possible when offering "constructive criticism". "You destroyed the Pyrex bowl." No, what happened was that the Pyrex bowl fell off the dishrack when the big cutting board fell over onto it. He says his choice of words is an attempt to be accurate in describing the situation. I'm really tired of being talked to this way. Nothing is ever his fault.

sounds definitely like time for counselling; for an independent voice to hear the language you are both using, and give some perspective

This is a common view of psychology, that people should be blamed for unconscious acts and everything they do. I think it's a very mistaken view. But be that as it may, it is a common view.

Any way there are some positives right now that could be built off of?

And it's a shame to get a divorce when maybe all that's needed is separate vacations, even though your husband definitely sounds like he has some anger issues. Does he understand that apsies just matter-of-factly need a lot of alone time and it's no reflection on him?