the do's and don't's of dating

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so I have not been in a "real" relationship for 10 years now so just out of curiosity what are the do's and don't of dating this way I don't look like a complete idiot when I do get into a relationship

You were in a "real," relationship when you were 8 years old? I find that hard to believe.

Do be a gentleman/lady. Don't be a douchebag.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I think you're just going to have to wing it like everyone else on the planet.

I mean, you're asking for advice on this on an aspie forum... sure, there are some here that are in relationships or married.. but I'd bet that there are more here like myself, 31 years old and I've never been in a real relationship. Ever. Yet.

All that aspie non-relationship stuff aside, you really do just have to wing it and go with the flow doing whatever feels right - it's kind of the only way, especially considering that no one has a clue what they're doing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yafAqdtEofY

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yafAqdtEofY[/youtube]

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

For me it was like trying to learn how to ride a bike or roller skate:

Give it a go, fall down, get back up, dust off, try to think of some things to do differently next time, then give it another go trying to apply the lessons previously learned. Repeat as necessary.

Plus I read about every book on dating I could get my hands on. Amazon loved me for that.

"Give it a go, fall down, get back up, dust off, try to think of some things to do differently next time, then give it another go trying to apply the lessons previously learned. Repeat as necessary. "

YES!! !

Glad to see that someone gets it at last, however there are some things you can do that will help:

1) Either carry enough cash with you or make sure there are enough funds on your plastic.

2) Find a style that you're comfortable with and if you're stuck ask for advice in some of the clothes shops.

3) When you sit down at a table don't sit across from your date, sit at about a ninety degree angle. This makes it easier if it's noisy and it's slightly more intimate.

4) If you're going out in your car clean it first, inside and out.

5) Clean teeth, clean hair and clean clothes. Don't go too heavy on the aftershave if you use it.

6) On a SMALL piece of paper note down some things that you can talk about. For some reason women need to visit the bathroom on a regular basis so when she's away glance at your list.

7) Follow her lead. If it's a meal and she decides to miss the starter then you do the same, that way there won't be the silly scene where only one of you is munching away. The same applies to the dessert course but you could always persuade her that a bowl of ice cream and two spoons is a good idea.

8) A compliment on her outfit sometime during the evening would be a good idea.

Right, someone add to this list

Warning OP, this is going to be a long post, but I hope you take the time to read it and reply to let me know what you think, as it took quite a bit of time to write.

Well I don't have many years of experience but I had my first girlfriend at 15, then did some dating here and there at 17, then another girlfriend at 18, random dating here and there and had my third girlfriend at 21, (broke up a month and a half ago).

This is what I've gathered from my experience and that I plan to use the next time I get into a relationship (which I hope will be a few years from now since I am not interested in relationships at this point in time, but wouldn't mind a fun date here or there):

1. Never get into a relationship with someone just because they like you.
- This isn't to say, don't go on a date with someone just because they like you. There's nothing wrong with someone being attracted to you, and you being flattered and although you may not have been initially attracted, give them a chance and wind up seeing if you connect or whatever.
My biggest problem was that some girl would express interest in me and I'd jump at the chance, we'd start dating and since I'd be in that ultra giddy phase I wouldn't pay attention to any of the facts. Facts like, we had nothing in common, I didn't really know her all that well, she did stuff that annoyed me but I was overlooking it because I liked her too much. Stuff like that.

2. Trust your gut/feeling/intuition.
Seriously. I would have these gut feelings about a girl and choose to ignore them, and then months later after a bunch of heartache and turmoil, the gut feeling has always been right. If something seems and/or feels wrong to you, talk to other people about it and get their advice, and yes, I know most people will still ignore it anyway, but sometimes certain lessons are only learned through experience.

3. If you have a close relationship with your family - LISTEN to your family.
My parents and sister have always been right when it comes to the girls I've dated/been in a relationship with. There was one girl that my sister (and her best friend, who is like a big sister to me also) hated. They were right. They told me they felt like she was fake, I got pissed off at them. Well, they were completely. Freakin. Right.
Now I always am sure to bring my girlfriends home to meet my family and see what they think. Their insights on social behaviors and cues are much better than mine, especially NT women (my mom and sis) so they often pick up on subtle things that I didn't.

4. Sharing common interests isn't as important as sharing future goals.
Common interests is important, but I don't think it's as important as where you want to go with your life. Now for short term relationships this doesn't apply, but if you're looking for long term it's important to find someone who has the same goals in life as you do, so you guys can grow together.
Myself, since I'm going to college, getting a degree, probably going to grad school - I'd like a woman who also is getting her degree or has one and is wanting to work. I'm also watch what I eat, exercise and enjoy doing outdoorsy things in the mountains (hiking, camping, rock climbing, fly fishing, mountain biking etc) and I'd like someone who has that lifestyle too.
Common interests matter even less if you find someone who enjoys trying new things. I will give anyone's interest or activities a chance, especially if they're things I've never done, I expect the woman I'm with to be the same way with my interests.

5. If you're new to dating, I personally think seeing multiple women at once, or flirting with potential options is better than focusing on one person, if that one person is just a casual date and you two aren't a sure thing.

What I mean by this is, say, you're going to school and you meet one girl in your class and another girl at the cafeteria. You guys chat it up, flirt, have a good time, you ask if one wants to go to dinner and the other to a coffeeshop. These would be considered dates. Get to know each one, sort of see what works for you, see your options. Don't just focus on one girl until you see one that really clicks with you. Having more options and being a bit more selective helps prevent the issue I talked about in number one. I personally wish I had done this when I was a freshman in college because I had multiple women interested, but because I had such a one track mind I stuck with the one girl I had started talking to first and completely ignored the other women, not even giving them a chance or getting to know them. Who knows, if I had given some of the others a chance, I might have chosen one of them and wound up with a much better freshman dating year experience than the disaster I went through.

6. Having a good relationship with your girlfriend's friends isn't necessary but it is extremely helpful
Although sometimes it CAN be detrimental, if they're like super annoying or something like that, but for the most part if you're dating a good girl, she will usually have pretty good friends too. Being on the friends good side makes things amazing, but if they don't like you for one reason or another, you can pretty much kiss the relationship goodbye. I've met psycho friends who will bad mouth me, sabotage me, and just in general talk sh!t about me to my girlfriend behind my back. They also would encourage my girlfriend to cheat on me or dump me or just whatever BS, and then when there's problems in the relationship and you reach out to her friends for help, they will just lie or tell you more BS.
Also if she's the kind of girl that hangs out with her friends a lot, then it limits the amount of time you can spend with her because chances are you won't be invited to go along, (assuming you want to.)
But if you're on good terms with her friends, it is good to go along to some of the things, since you and her friends are both important parts of her life.

7. Getting on the parents good side is important
Now this depends significantly on whether she is close to her parents or not. I've been with both kinds. One who was so close to her parents they were literally her best friends (and she had no other friends in high school) and one who talked to her parents about once a month. Parents, like friends, can drive a serious wedge, if not completely end a relationship if they don't like you, for whatever reason. Now, every girl's parents I've been with has loved me except for one, and that was because of my race. There was nothing I could do about that and by the time I realized that my relationship with this girl had been completely pointless since it was going to end over this, I came to realize that what parents say/think is very important when it comes to a girl who is close to them and I should have never kept dating her. (She warned me within 2 weeks of us flirting and getting "chummy" with each other, but she never once said that this would mean the relationship would have no chance or would go completely nowhere because of it)

________ I may add more to the list above but those are just tips that I have learned.


Little tips for dates

1. Do maintain good hygiene
2. Do make eye contact and smile
3. Do dress nicely (according to your style)
4. Do not talk with your mouth full
5. Do not make the first date a movie by itself; coffee and a movie, dinner and a movie. Something that involves you two chatting for a bit then a movie. Unless of course the girl just implicitly asks to go to a movie.
6. Do pay for everything if you were the one that asked her out. It is my personal belief that the inviter should pay, no matter the sex, but many peoples' opinions on this differ, so you're best bet is to pay for her when you invite her out, and pay for your half when she invites you out (unless she offers to pay, then let her do so).
7. Do have decent conversational skills. If you don't, you may want to practice with friends, family, or even strangers (cashiers at a check out line, etc)
8. Do not talk about sensitive topics on first date, unless she brings up a sensitive topic. I find it better to leave that kind of stuff to later dates.
9. Do try to find out what her future goals are and where she wants to be in life, and what she's doing to get there, and see if that lines up with yours.
10. Know what your dealbreakers are and try to determine if she has one of them as quickly and as subtly as possible.


That's all I can think of for now but I may be back. I know not everyone will agree with everything in my post but again this is what I have found through my personal experience and what information I have gathered through that experience. I then use that information to try to have better dating experiences. It won't work for everyone but it's working for me.

Also, if you had asked this question to me when I was 18, or even 20, my answers would be totally different in the first part, but the second part would be pretty much the same.

@madeunderground
I have to say dude that is a very very very very long post I don't have time to read it right now but let me assure you I will

A cliffnotes version:

DO: Whatever I wouldn't do.

DON'T: Do what I would do.

Source: Myself being relationship-less since birth.

If you follow that guide, you will be just fine.

In my experience, you have to study her choices and the way she acts. You gotta get a good grip on her personality. TRUST YOUR GUT! I cannot rationalize this enough, I feel sometimes it's like my gut is NT, but my brain is Aspie. So many times where my gut gave good/bad vibes about a person and were usually right. I ignored my gut alot when I was in HS and it caused conflict and/or pain. Study her behavior, listen to past stories she has to tell. Sometimes when people are telling stories about a choice they made or a situation they were in, they slip up subtly and give you a good clue of what that person is like.

For Example, I use to be friends with this girl whom I met off another friend of mine. She was pretty charismatic and we got along good for the most part. (Nobody I know expect my family knows I have Aspie). One time she was telling me about this guy she was seeing and how him and her had so many similar interests, how they got along so well [You get the point]. Only problem was, he had a small penis. She had previous Boyfriends with big schlongs and was contemplating leaving him all because of his small member. She'd say things like " We get along soooo well! But I can't feel anything during our first time having sex and I don't wanna mislead him.". He had his own place, which is why I think she is still with him. [He ate her out really good too]. This is when I started having second thoughts about her, I thought she was selfish because of her decision and my gut told me "DANGER! Take her out of your life". But I brushed it off and continued to be friends. Then another day she told me a story about how she went out with this fat kid in boarding school, refused to suck his schlong and have sex with him, but only let him eat her out. I told her that was f****d up and her response was "Well he was fat and I'm not gonna f**k a fat guy so I made him my b***h" This is when my second thoughts about her selfishness grew stronger and my gut grew more suspicious, but once again blew it off. Then one day, months later I called her out (She sold weed to me at amazing prices, almost too good to be true) because the quality of her "Dank" didn't get me high; And she straight up said "Well I never said it was dank" which is BS because everytime I'd buy from her I'd ask "How good is this dank?" and she'd be like "Ehh". Her first reaction was a pissed off "Well if you don't like it go deal with someone else", followed by a bunch of sorry's and "We are still friends, right?" afterwards. You know why she apologized and asked if we were still friends? Because she knew she slipped and f****d up. That first response was like her conscious awakening and being exposed. From that point forward, I ignored any further contact she attempted to make to me and she just happen to stop selling weed 2 weeks after that BS went down. Isn't that a strange coincidence? My gut was right about her selfishness.

Sorry for boring y'all with my personal BS, I just had to make my point across clearly.

The most important thing to do is to meet someone. That's the step I can't get past. Beyond that, I haven't a clue.

Dood, your 18 with hormones raging, I didn't get to get laid till I was almost 30, and believe me it wasn't for the lack of trying.