Why is "forever" always supposed to be the goal?

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Onewithwings
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05 Feb 2014, 9:23 am

What is wrong with being with someone while you both want to be together and eventually parting ways when it's over? I mean, breakups are generally no fun, but a lot of people seem to believe that the only reason to be together at all is if you know or at least think that you will one day want to be with that person for the rest of your life...


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Soccer22
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05 Feb 2014, 9:39 am

Why would we date someone if our only expectation is "this one will only be for a year or maybe It'll end at 6 months". That would mean you think the relationship is doomed before it even started. Kinda pointless to invest into someone if you don't think it'll last. If you don't think it'll last, why not just stay friends?



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Feb 2014, 9:45 am

Friends with benefits / Short terms is what you want.



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05 Feb 2014, 9:51 am

I see nothing wrong about that, as long as you keep as well the relationship easy. Both sharing work and housework, having a rented flat. Absolutely no problem, if you want to depart.

Once you get into more, loaning a credit for a house you want to live in, having children, ... departing is not that simply anymore. There are kids and normally they will want to have contacts to both their parents. As well that a shared credit for a house, that you dont want to share anymore, causes troubles ...

Dont get me wrong, as long as you dont get into that "hard stuff", I see nothing wrong about simply being with that partner as long as it works, and departing if it does not work anymore.

I think, when it comes to mentioned "hard desicions", THEN you should already have spent more thoughts on your actual partner.

But the last thing on earth I suspect from new relationships is, that THIS WILL BE THE ONE LASTING FOREVER! ^^



yournamehere
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05 Feb 2014, 9:56 am

why do ducks do what they do. together forever. I guess your not a duck.



Onewithwings
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05 Feb 2014, 10:05 am

yournamehere wrote:
why do ducks do what they do. together forever. I guess your not a duck.


huh?


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Schneekugel
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05 Feb 2014, 10:14 am

I think he simply wants to say: Some people are interested in finding an partner for a long time, because of it being something that makes them happy. So ducks behave like ducks, because of them being ducks.

And if you are no duck, there is as well nothing bad about it, but you should care, that your partners are no ducks either. So be honest to your partners, about your expectations in relationships, so that you can find someone that fits with your expectations. :)



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05 Feb 2014, 10:20 am

Don't feed the ducks.



Onewithwings
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05 Feb 2014, 10:21 am

I have been. My current boyfriend and I talked at length about it before getting together.

It's not that I am opposed to the idea of life-long relationships, I just don't see them as the only "successful" relationship where all others are "failures". I think as long as 2 people leave each other better off for having been together and knowing a little more about who they are as a person, it shouldn't be viewed as a "failure" but as a closing of a chapter in your life.


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05 Feb 2014, 10:28 am

I don't like investing in things which decrease in value over time. The best things in life take a long time to cultivate with no workarounds, and two years spent on something for s**ts and giggles is two years not spent on them. There's only so much "me" to spend.

Ultimately, I don't care what people want to do with their love life.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Feb 2014, 10:35 am

And the time of closing has come I guess?



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05 Feb 2014, 10:38 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
And the time of closing has come I guess?


You don't have to go home, but you can't. Stay. Here.

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05 Feb 2014, 10:52 am

I dont so ending an relationship as failure at all. When you start an relationship, you actually dont know yet, if it will work, and if you both fit together. And its pretty normal, that you might find out, after a certain time that you need to truly know your partner, that you might not fit that well together. Not fitting does not mean failing.

As said, I´d simply not do certain serious stuff, like kids or buying a house, as long as you dont feel settled down with your partner.

Actually the partnership with my actual partner and newly husband, that I am now with for fourteen years started with me having the feelings of: "I dont think that it will work. (Because of my problems and treats.) But he is really nice, and it would truly hurt him, if I said I did not want to try an relationship with him, so ok lets try it at least and see what comes out." XD

From my experiences before, I´d have expected to give up at least after 6 months, when realizing, that all the love in the world, dont manage me to become a superextroverted party-barbie. ^^



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05 Feb 2014, 10:59 am

Schneekugel wrote:
I dont so ending an relationship as failure at all. When you start an relationship, you actually dont know yet, if it will work, and if you both fit together. And its pretty normal, that you might find out, after a certain time that you need to truly know your partner, that you might not fit that well together. Not fitting does not mean failing.

As said, I´d simply not do certain serious stuff, like kids or buying a house, as long as you dont feel settled down with your partner.

Actually the partnership with my actual partner and newly husband, that I am now with for fourteen years started with me having the feelings of: "I dont think that it will work. (Because of my problems and treats.) But he is really nice, and it would truly hurt him, if I said I did not want to try an relationship with him, so ok lets try it at least and see what comes out." XD

From my experiences before, I´d have expected to give up at least after 6 months, when realizing, that all the love in the world, dont manage me to become a superextroverted party-barbie. ^^


I agree that it's impossible to know at the beginning where things will go. Even if you think you know someone when you start dating, a lot of new things can be discovered in a month, three months. or five years. However, I've never gone into a relationship without it being where I'd like to stay and looking like it has a real chance.



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05 Feb 2014, 12:49 pm

I think that attitude is fairly common in today's American society. People move in together after being together a while & aren't thinking about marriage till they've been living together a while if they ever get married.
I only had limited relationship experience but I get obsessed with my partner & stay obsessed even after we breakup. I really hate breakups because even if I know it's the rite thing in the end because it's very hard for me to meet anyone & connect with them & I got used to my partner & love predictability & routine


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05 Feb 2014, 2:23 pm

If I had no plans in being in a long term relationship, there's a good chance I wouldn't bother with dating at all. (Note, I said good chance, there is also a chance I still would date short term).

I just don't see the point in me developing a strong bond for someone if I just know that it'll end in a year or two. I would not invest my emotions in it much, which would make me distant, which wouldn't make the relationship as good in the first place.

Also, let's so hypothetically I only want a short term relationship: Then I find the girl of my dreams, we're great together, blah blah blah, but I'm like, ch'yeah, doin' the short term thing sooo... We break up in 2 years. She moves on and finds someone else and then gets married to them forever.

Wtf? I'd be pissed.

If short term is all I had to pick from, I'd just rather be alone and have a bunch of friends with benefits. No sense in having short term relationships when I can have a bunch of female friends who I get down with from time to time.