Do we face same negative treatment?

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I was talking to my dad about why people with intellectual and developmental disorders (such as autism and Down syndrome) are prevented from marriage and romantic relationships and my dad said "people might prevent them because they are trying to protect them". I then asked what do you mean and he replied "because if they married they might give there condition to somebody else"

So do you think 'we' who are on the autistic spectrum face the same type discrimination that people with Dom syndrome face when it comes to participating in romantic relationships?


I mean for some reason people seem to be obsessed with comparing aspergers and Down syndrome

Your father just told you that people believe in the survival of the fittest. I wouldn't say they were protecting us more than they were protecting themselves. Biology seems to indicate that the genes pass on from one generation to the next and people aren't very accepting of the fact that people they give birth to might have what they feel to be a "defect"

I think what he meant is people being afraid to have unhealthy children if your unhealthy as well.

But to answer some of your question, I was abused ALOT by society because of being different, because of my deficits I was an easy target so I got bullied allot. people are or can be vary mean and insensitive. and most women do not want a male thats in that condition, even though they them selves may have the same disorders, they don't want to chance it worse by having children by the same. yes there are exceptions, but the odds are vary slim to find that with someone.

Much of my problem I didn't recognize when I was younger, was that of my body language, it made me seem to have bad vibes or aura that people automatically judged didn't like nor want to be around, while I was blind to it. it made me an easy target, and since I had social deficits and no friends for support, it just kept happening way into adult life.



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Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 27 Feb 2014, 10:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Unhealthy?????????????? I cycled 70 miles once and am in top physical condition

I wasn't talking physical health, admit it, most of us here are NOT normal.

Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 27 Feb 2014, 10:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Raising kids is simply very exhausting and needs lots of time and effort. Most people put much time in questioning themselves if they feel fit to raise a kid, and if they are able to take care of the responsibility that goes with it. Special kids with special needs will even need more ressources of their parents, so its normal, that this is more bothering to people, then questioning themselves if they are able to take care of a normal kid.

I did my diagnosis, so that I could offer my partner to question himselve, if he thinks to have the energy and ressources, that a special kid would need. If not, it would as well have been ok for me, to get artificially pregnant with the celldonation of another mother and him.

I see nothing bad about other people wanting the same thing, that we want for ourselves: Deciding if we think to be able to take care of a kid that much more likely, then other kids, might have special needs. Having a partner that is thinking about it before, and telling me his true oppinion about it, is in my oppinion of much more advantage, then someone not bothering for it, and then simply leaving, if its not "to his liking".

You are on the same page with a lot of groups. Most people with any kind of physical or mental issues get 'protected' from potential romantic relationships even if there isn't a question of passing down a genetic issue. I think a lot of it is real concern for the person. Blind people, deaf people, handicapped people, & even older people often have friends & family getting involved with their private lives. Mostly, it just out of concern for them, but @ times it probably crosses the line between concern & meddling. Some people like to see certain groups as 'asexual'. It makes them feel more comfortable, I guess.-?

It seems to me that Down Syndrome & Asperbergs are very different things with a lot of variance in each from person to person. They should not be compared.

Very happy to see others who have children or are married respond to this. Its definitely an eye opener

One thing I have noticed about two Aspie women I know (one diagnosed and one is so off the wall Aspie it's obvious) is that they are frighteningly naive and easy to take advantage of should I be a person with poor character. One for example pretty much gave me her full name, life story (including detailed sexual history ) , address, phone #, vehicle make, model and license plate and daily schedule even though I never met her! The other again I know from the local college (not personally but know several of her ex-classmates) has the problem with being too open and trusting, publicly giving her workplace and full name on several free dating sites. She pretty much screams "take advantage of me!" and her profile is far too honest and detailed and of course, she reappears again and again on said sites. One of those women I question why they were being so open and they stated that since I (claimed) to be an Aspie, I must be trustworthy

In both those cases, I broke off contact with both because they were dangerously naive and I am not a predator. I also know one of my mother's friends has two adult children with an extremely rare condition that makes them like school age children (similar to Down's Syndrome except far worse). Their mother rightfully is shielding them from dating (they are in their late 20s) because the sad fact is the only men who will ever be interested in them will be to take advantage of their extremely trusting nature. Obviously a small sample size, but every Aspie girl I have met in real life has been quite naive.

Giant Hockey Fan: We don't all stay naive. Someone comes along and does horrible, horrible things to us and we learn.

It still, even at my age, seems painfully tedious that I should have to put up so many barriers to getting to know people for my own safety. I'm still finding areas where I didn't put up enough boundaries and remedying that.

I haven't really faced any discrimination in romantic relationships, so on that part, I can't really speak. I will tell you that being married (I've been divorced twice) presents some serious challenges for people with AS, as does being around kids. Thanks to the fact that I have always been around people one way or the other, I can tell you that while it is do-able, it requires iron self-control and some very careful concessions to your own functioning. You have to watch yourself like a hawk, almost as if you were two people and one of you was untrustworthy.

The thing is, while you are trustworthy, your instincts are wrong in dealing with NTs, and you have to control yourself during meltdowns so that you don't strike out at people while your body thinks you are dealing with a survival issue. You will have to make serious, sustained sacrifices to be and stay in a relationship, and those sacrifices will feel alien and unfair.

Only you would know if you can be willing to deal with 24/7 NT needs, or if it would be a better idea for you to be alone.

I have no idea what a protective family feels like, or whether that helps. I didn't have one. All I know is the nature of the sacrifices I've had to make to be around others and the way I have to watch myself, to prevent myself from lashing out at others when I'm stressed, melting down or otherwise under pressure.

Comparing autism with downs syndrome is a bit different to comparing aspergers syndrome with downs syndrome. I think people hear the word "syndrome" and they just assume its a similar problem.

TBH, Its rather offensive comparing people with AS with Downs syndrome, as they are nothing alike. I have much more in common with NT's than anyone with downs syndrome.

I totally agree they are nothing alike but I have to admit I get along with GREAT with those with Down Syndrome. Most likely because I can relate to their inability to connect with "normal" people and the resulting frustration of facing discrimination. One DS person was angry because they were getting laid off just because their govt subsidy was ending. I would be do: this person was EXCELLENT at what they did. Every DS person I know also has a heart of gold which I like to think I have as well.

@GiantHockeyFan I think you should not mismatch childish naivity with the possibility to learn from failures. Having an mautrity disorder is rather typical for Aspergers, so emotionally both of us are told to be "a bit behind our peer". But even real innocent kids will learn from failures. I am still a bit naive, when it comes to friendships or whatever. So it happens quiet often to me, that someone might take advantage from me, because of me thinking of that person as a friend, and so might engage in that friendship, but then will be very disappointed. But I have as well learned to deal with my naivity, and my bad ability to judge people. I either can be so suspicious to trust absolutely noone, and then will be as well friend to noone. Or I can allow myself to befriend people, even when being fully aware how bad I am to decide who is really a friend to me and who is not. The thing is too simply set yourself limits, you dont cross. You dont have sex with someone, if you dont have a physical need for you on your own. Any kind of aggression, pushing, whining whatever about that, simply signs an a**hole. No stuff like borrowing away certain amounts of ressources, without doing a private contract about that. No giving away of your credit card number, passwords, ... This are all things I needed to learn, but to learn it, gave me the ability to finally be living on my own, have a nice partner, ...

My father was just like the mum you described, that prevents her kids from being confronted with the world. When I was 14, he was forcing an "ability and IQ-test" on me, for proofing me, that I was too stupid to live on my own, because of him being convinced of that. Luckily it resulted otherwise, and leaded to me being able to make lots of experiences (including bad ones), that for some parts, might be real sh***y. But living in an fake barbie world, is sh***y as well, because just as you will never be able to endure "real" s**t in your plastic barbie world, you will as well never be able to really "live your life", engage for a job, go for my own place to live for, being forced to think about how to deal with owning a place and care for it, meeting my actual partner...

Never being allowed to drive with an skateboard, might prevent you from an serious injury, but it definitly will cause you to never ever enjoy the fun of skateboarding.

Hear, here!

Totally agree and that's one reason why I am so far behind my peers. Yes, my mother didn't allow us to skateboard and refused to let us ice skate on a pond (in Canada no less... it's a cultural rite of passage!) and shielded me from everything. I understand why she did it (as an undiagnosed Aspie it becomes obvious looking back) but in the end she did more harm than good. I become afraid to try ANYTHING, including making friends and entering into a relationship and that coupled with the bullying made me extremely distrustful and caused me to push away people who in hindsight were just trying to be friendly.

She resisted me moving on my own and while it was tough at first I have been highly successful. Just wish like everything in my life I did it 5 years earlier than I did. Oh well hindsight is 20/20!

However, I can say what it is like to be raised by a parent with AS, my father is undiagnosed AS, it's incredibly obvious considering a significant amount of indicators and tendencies which are classic AS that he displays. I would know, like father, like son. I however was diagnosed at 13 and I received the understanding and support from my family growing up to assist in my transition to adulthood, my father is from a different time and AS was not known of at that period and therefore he was considered the town eccentric or that he had a 'condition' most of his life and received no assistance.

He has hard enough trouble handling his own affairs let alone raising kids, he loves my sister and I dearly but due to his upbringing and sharing our condition, this was made difficult. His meltdowns were more frequent than mine ever were and between that and alcohol abuse, my mother was forced to leave him. I have a steady relationship with my father now and he no longer drinks to that excess but his issues in relating to others because of his AS are ever present. This is not to say that raising children by Aspie parents isn't possible, but I think it's more correct to view it as a case by case perspective. Having spent quite a bit of time around children and lived with a friend who has a little baby girl I think my condition wouldn't affect me enough to warrant me unsuitable for parenthood.