Any tips on fighting infatuation?

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MDD123
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02 Mar 2014, 4:56 am

So last week I started having feelings for someone, no need for the details unless you want them. Now I think about this person a lot, things such as what would she think, and what am I gonna say to her next. I'm trying to stay focused in school, but I'm not sure I want to cut ties with this person either.

Kind of a weird situation, I know. Thinking about her motivates me, but it ends up distracting me too. Has anyone here been in a similar situation? I'm open to any advice on how to deal with it.


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Persevero
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02 Mar 2014, 7:16 am

Do not actively seek her out. Find a small flaw she has and greatly exaggerate it in your mind - associate that unpleasantness with your mental image of her. Don't actually use it against her though, it's not her fault. Time will do the rest.

Good luck.



Eccles_the_Mighty
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02 Mar 2014, 4:21 pm

Go rent 'Fatal Attraction', that should put you off women for a while 8O


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MjrMajorMajor
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02 Mar 2014, 4:55 pm

Persevero wrote:
Do not actively seek her out. Find a small flaw she has and greatly exaggerate it in your mind - associate that unpleasantness with your mental image of her. Don't actually use it against her though, it's not her fault. Time will do the rest.

Good luck.


Clockwork Orange did not have a good ending... 8O



Homer_Bob
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02 Mar 2014, 4:59 pm

Try to meet as many people as possible, that certainly is not easy for many but don't fixate on this particular person or it could destroy you. You'd be surprised how quickly the next person you meet could be better than the last one.



MDD123
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02 Mar 2014, 9:31 pm

Yea, getting out and meeting more people couldn't be any worse than obsessing over someone. They have free fitness classes at my gym, I'll go with that idea for now. Thanks for the advice guys.


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ArrantPariah
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03 Mar 2014, 11:24 am

How about The Woman in Red?



thewhitrbbit
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03 Mar 2014, 12:36 pm

I'm guessing dating her isn't an option?



Persevero
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03 Mar 2014, 12:45 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Persevero wrote:
Do not actively seek her out. Find a small flaw she has and greatly exaggerate it in your mind - associate that unpleasantness with your mental image of her. Don't actually use it against her though, it's not her fault. Time will do the rest.

Good luck.


Clockwork Orange did not have a good ending... 8O

That's a far cry from social conditioning, haha



MadeUnderground
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03 Mar 2014, 2:02 pm

Eccles_the_Mighty wrote:
Go rent 'Fatal Attraction', that should put you off women for a while 8O



'The Last Seduction' and 'Body Heat' are two good ones to go along with Fatal Attraction too.


My personal favorite of the three movies is Body Heat though. Gotta love young Kathleen Turner :wink:



diniesaur
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03 Mar 2014, 5:15 pm

Just let the feelings wash over you and recognize that they'll go away eventually--crushes always do. Don't act on those feelings--don't even tell her about them--just ignore them and they WILL go away. I've done this so many times.



Pabalebo
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03 Mar 2014, 6:07 pm

It's hard, dude. I've had this problem a lot. Just gotta do what the NTs do... tell her and either get shot down or see where things go. Thinking about what's possible and being paralyzed and not doing anything about it is what kills you. Well... at least it's what's always gotten to me. Everyone's different I suppose.


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MDD123
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04 Mar 2014, 11:15 am

Well, a little movie watching isn't going to hurt either I suppose. I figure this time I'm gonna fight the tunnel vision and keep functioning.

I could tell her, but she already sent "interested" signals, and backed off when I started sending them back. I truly don't have the capacity to figure her out and keep up the pace with school.

I think the best thing I can do is channel all my frustration back into school.


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TornadoEvil
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04 Mar 2014, 2:25 pm

Blowing a hole in your brain is a sure-fire solution. Not an option for most people however and it might just render you a vegetable or with a different personality.

Seriously though, talking to people you know about it can help quite a bit, or at least give you some perspective.



leafplant
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04 Mar 2014, 4:07 pm

MDD123 wrote:
Well, a little movie watching isn't going to hurt either I suppose. I figure this time I'm gonna fight the tunnel vision and keep functioning.

I could tell her, but she already sent "interested" signals, and backed off when I started sending them back. I truly don't have the capacity to figure her out and keep up the pace with school.

I think the best thing I can do is channel all my frustration back into school.


For the education of all of us who constantly mess up on reading social cues, could you tell us EXACTLY what signals she sent and then what signals you sent and what behaviour she displayed that you decided was her backing off?

I have put my foot in it YET AGAIN today with the young ones at work, it's really stressing me out so much I am actively avoiding them, yet that doesn't seem to be the right thing to do either. ARRGHH



MDD123
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04 Mar 2014, 5:05 pm

I assessed these to be signs of interest:
1. A compliment:
"You don't look 30"
2. Inquiries:
"Do you have a date for the dining out?"
"Do you have a girlfriend"
3. Clarifications:
"My boyfriend... oh and we're not together anymore"
"I'm not getting back together with my husband when he gets out of prison"

We had a lengthy conversation about future plans. At a different point, I attempted to make small talk with her by telling her why my sister may have sounded mean when she picked up the phone. She did a "Bye, see you next time" (this was abrupt)

I actually bought a cellphone so I could talk to her and offered to do some documentation and inventorying for her. Positive responses so far. Then I asked her what she normally did during the week, no response.

That's where I'm at right now, and I'm not sure if I blew it or what. Story of my life.


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