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I'm lost.
Since coming to the conclusion of fitting the Aspie profile, my other half has burned out. There have been a significant amount of factors that have been making life hard for us but I can't see myself as THE reason why all that has been going wrong is my doing or not doing, so to speak.
It appears that after reaching my diagnosis, I have been labelled and I'm not myself anymore. He kind of judges everything I say or do as traits. I can and do understand he's tired. Things are not well. Yet I feel he is using this situation as a cause.
I have tried harder to be better in many ways. More active. More atentive to details. Asking things when I don't understand. Explainig when I think my words weren't good enough.
I don't think I am a bad person. In a relationship I mean. I know I sometimes forget things especially if I'm stressed. But I'm working on that.
I wish he could take things diferently. Not pointing out "if you do that people will find it weird". Most of all not using sentences like "I'm giving up" or "you're degenarating".
Dammit, it's not fair It's so not fair.

You probably aren't. It may be that your significant other is not coping well with finding out that what you have is essentially incurable, and that all the things which s/he may have been dealing with are not going to end.

It's not that things have suddenly gotten worse, it's that now it's clear that whatever s/he is responding to is permanent, or at least not temporary.

This doesn't have as much to do with you as you might think--s/he will need to adjust. They may do that smoothly, or s/he may decide that s/he cannot adjust.

All you can do is what you're doing: work to be more responsive and to keep communication open.

I hope things resolve well.

Yes. One of the things Mr Six pointed out many times this week is that he hoped I some how evolved socially. Be more expressive. Stand out. Enjoy going out more. Stuff like that. He assumed it was more about my temper and the way I was raised.
I've tried to make clear I'm the same person. I guess he gave up some hope to change me. Stupid thing is we've known each other about 13 years or so and r together for about almost 10. Half this time living together. It pisses me of juuust a lill bit. I'm good enough to be wih him all this time and now I'm a rotten apple? Gah! Please!! Hello? After all we've been through? C'mon!

I'm sorry to hear it. I hope this turns out to be temporary and Mr. Six apologizes for it at some point.

mouthyb, thank u for your kind words.
I have trouble starting a conversation wih Mr Six about this issue. He's too fast for me I'm afraid. I spent half the time digesting the last thing he says and at a point he moves on while I'm still processing the last sentence. I also get to emotional being aware of my clumsiness with wordsnwhen sepaking to him. He's not patient. He gets distressed cause he says I'm inteligent so he doesn't get why I do not keep up with the conversation. I get so stressed I start crying which only makes things worse. I get so stressed I mute. I get so stressed my mind goes somewhwere else not to stand there listening to me. I can't objectively say he's wrong in some points, but thatapplies to me as well. And as much as I rehearse rhe conversation in my mind, I can't put hings out he eat I hoped to.
Perhaps we need time, as this seems to much to handle now. Trouble is I really need his support. Not on this particulsr subject, but in som many others. And I feel alone at this point.

He needs to accept you--fully. It sounds like he's trying to push you to his own ideal. He needs to accept (and appreciate) the here and now vs some future ideal he's pushing toward. Just how I read it...

I am amazed anyone could make some sense about what I wrote. It's such a mess. I hate typos.
An issue like AS is not like a broken leg. If your leg is broken, somebody steps on it, sees it and apologizes. If you have somethings others can't see, they step on it and don't apologize cause they don't acknowledge the damage.

I dont know how old you are, but it seems to me that your partner is not actually partner to you, but to the person, that he thought he could create by using you as a basic pattern.

If he wanted to be with a more active partner, that is more attentive to details, that is not doing this or that way because it might look weird to other people, more expressive, standing out, enjoying going out...

Then why the hell is he engaging with some, that is not that active, not paying that much attention to details, and doing things that others might think of weird, is less expressive, not standing out, and not enjoying to go out... ? O_o

Sure, everyone can adjust a bit, and will do so out of OWN interest, towards his partner. But it seems for me, that he thought of you as a completely variable Play-Doh, that can be turned from house to elephant.

Compromises is less about forcing your personality on someone else, but about finding the ways, that pleases both peoples personality the most. So I understand, that my partner is more interested in going out, and he understands that I am less interested into it. So I dont force on him to stay with me every weekend, and he dont force me to go with him. And both of us are happy, knowing that the opposite of us, is having a good time, and will be happy and relaxed. That whats counts to us, that our opposite are happy themselves, instead of bending themselves as much as possible to make the opposite happy, without caring for themselves.

Hi Schneekugel.

I'm 35.
I don't mind compromising. I always try to see both sides on a subject. Maybe I don't do it naturally, but I educated myself in order to do so. I can make an eford to improve some things, which I know can benefit his life, my own as well as ours, together.
I agree he is pushing things now in a way he wasn't before, and we are not dealing well with it. I am not what he saw in a vision. But facts often speak louder than words. So if we are together this long. I'm not sure if what he wants is what he says he wants. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the dust to settle. I can´t communicate with him right now because he's all about "me, me, me, me, me" at this point. And if I open my mouth it goes pretty much like this...
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8WLYzA0lCs[/youtube]
... the "Bada Boom" part he gets, as it needs no translation.

He's being a jerk and using your disability as an excuse to treat you badly. It's as though he somehow thinks that Autistic people are inferior to Neurotypicals. I know you've been together for ten years, but is it possible for you to break up with him? Because if you talk to him about this and tell him to stop, and he keeps treating you that way, you probably should. He's taking advantage of you.

Agreed. Some of his statements have been hedious. I can't excuse him for that. It's hurtfull. Part of me wants to leave. Yet it is also true that this man is the person that showed me how my own family poisoned me since childhood and gave strenght and means to get rid of that influence. This is also the man that stood up for me when some people tried to take advantage of me, people who I thought were my friends and in fact were not.
Even at work, speaking of coleagues he never saw, he gives his opinion from what information he gathers and is seldom wrong.
He never did me wrong. That doesn't make his reaction right. Yes, he's neglecting many good things. He's also neglecting me. I have a handicap, always had and always will have. It cannot be fixed but it can be handled.
If I can improve in some way, I won't give up on that. He needs to figure out if he's in or out. I need to step out a bit because right know I physycally represent frustration to him.
I can hold him account for hurting me. I can hold myself back not to be hurt. I cannot ask to him not to react.
I'm not choosing to be a victim. I told him he can't put AS all over what I say or do. But if I'm fully conscient of what this is because I endure this all my life and now I have a name for it, if this asks others to be patient with me because I lack some skills that most people have, how can I deny someone time to soak things up? How can I expect pacience if I if give none?
He's not excused for what he said. I'm not his punching bag. I'm not inferior. I'm diferent. He needs to deal with it. We've had 10 years so far. I can aford to give him a lill more time to adjust.
It's never right when someone hurts you. But I know I also hurt people in the past and didn't realise it. Sometimes not after many years.
He's not an Aspie. He won't take that much time to realize it. If not, well, the rest of my life is a mess anyway. It's a big bull, life is. Either I take it by the horns or it it'll get me.

Calling him a jerk did make me feel better. I shall put this as a note in my mental toolkit for emergencies ^^ thank you so much for that

Hi.

Am happy to say Mr Six apologized.

Not happy with his atitude though. He now tries to explain me everything as if I was 10 years old. I think he means well, but it turns most of our conversations into something which I find exausting. Not that we argue. Ok, sometimes we do cause I start to steam up about his need to provide me a road map for life. It's cool, but I'm functional. No need to do go over everything.
I find exhausting following his logic, or better said "People's logic" provided by ©Six.Inc. The good part is that he gets when I'm tired and holds back.
So... It's kind of a (re)start ^^