Not interested in woman with children.

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It was said that woman only see 30% of man dating material, which they fight vigorously for. Now it seem like at my age, things seem to be like that for men because many woman already have children and in many cases even more then one.

Woman with children, simply don’t want to go there. As I have spent all of my life an attached and with nobody I could really call a girl friend, I am not willing to pick up someone’s mess.

I can sympathise with others people situation, but it is not for me. I feel like if I don’t find someone soon this is only going to be a bigger problem.

I can understand that, feel the same way. I think I may just be paranoid that a woman with a kid will be looking out for her kid first and foremost. Not that I take issue with that, just that I couldn't get into a relationship if I felt like one of the motivating factors for a woman was some sort of support (not necessarily financial) for her kid. Almost gives me the feeling that I was being used by the person.

Maybe that's not very fair, and I recognize that possibility. That's just how it is for me, at least at the age I am now. Any guy that can handle that kind of situation, more the power to em.

I have a friend who is a single mom and her only successful relationship has been with someone who also had kids. If you don't want to be around kids I think it's good you're being honest with yourself... she had a few boyfriends who were with her for a while, then left because of her child. It would have been better if they'd been aware since the beginning and not gotten involved with her in the first place.

I so agree with you on this and there's nothing wrong with this choice, either. We all have to decide what we will and won't put up with when it comes to a relationship, what we think is desirable or not, what will and won't happen, etc. I already know what I don't want in my potential relationship and this is one of those things. After seeing the stresses blended families can bring, such as arguments on how to discipline the child from a previous marriage/relationship, I definitely don't want a relationship with anyone who's a single mother. Friendship, I can do, no doubt. However, taking it to that next level is asking too much for me.

yes but you never know where love shall strike!

*chav ~ i'm reading a book right now that i think you will like!! !! i'll pm the citation to you when i have it in front of me...

hmm.

interestin

I'd never be able to date a woman who has kids. First and foremost, I'd feel downright inadequate; after all, she liked someone else enough to have kids with him. Another reason is that I'm looking for someone who's be able to spend at least one day a week with me. With kids in the equation, there will be times when the woman will bail on the plans because of the kids, such as the babysitter canceling. And sex (an important part of any adult relationship) will be out of the question entirely. And call me selfish if you want, but if I find myself getting slighted all the time, it'll make me wonder whether or not the woman actually likes me enough to make time for me.

Also, in the process of dating a woman, I'll probably also develop at least a casual friendship with the kids (things like saying hi while coming over and asking them basic questions). If the relationship with the woman doesn't work out, I'll lose contact with the kids too. While I can deal with it fairly well, being an adult and all, the kids will be hurt by having to lose a friend (or even just "a nice man who comes over and talks to them").

Sounds like you guys have three options. Wait till you are really old and all the single women have their kids raised and out of the house & pray that any of them will want to be with someone shallow. Or you can grow up and be a man. Or you stay single your entire life.

[quote="Aspie_Chav"]Woman with children, simply don’t want to go there. As I have spent all of my life an attached and with nobody I could really call a girl friend, I am not willing to pick up someone’s mess.[\quote]

Well that is rather offensive honestly... do you really think that those of us women that end up single with children would really care for someone that thinks their kids essentially are a mess someone you like has to pick up? You really give yourself too much credit. Maybe if you'd get over yourself and all, maybe you wouldn't have as many problems getting a woman. It's men like you that think us women with kids and all especially single ones are just a person with burdens added... I don't blame my aunt for not really bothering with men and choosing to be a single mom to her 2 sons if she had to deal with this from a lot of men. I can see why she gave up. It's hard enough to find yourself in a situation where you're a single mom with kids, don't need a bunch of jerks that won't give us the time of day because we have kids. I'd rather have a real man that would accept my sons if I were a single mom whether they were his biologically or not... those kids will be in my a lot longer than any man likely ever will be if he ever gets an attitude like my kids aren't worthy of having someone care for them.



Life goes on whether we have children with another man or not... we may have loved that other man but doesn't mean that lasts forever for some and some of us are better off sometimes without that man that fathered our children due to various reasons. Doesn't mean we should be punished for loving and having kids with another man... not our fault we didn't meet 'you' first. A man that can't accept that being a woman and a mother is a full-time job and that the children until they are capable of handling themselves will always be a big factor in a mother's time is better off going and having his own kids and then he'll understand what we go through. It's not that we don't want to have sex or that we wouldn't love a man or whatever. If a guy has to get jealous over a woman's kids getting attention clearly isn't ready to deal with a family ever... because it'll happen with their wife/partner when he has kids of his own.

That sort of attitude leaves us women that do want to find someone to love her and her kids wondering if there will ever be a chance at it.

As there are no single women without kids, you are absolutely right!

No, wait, that's not it at all.

Care to actually discuss this, rather than attack anyone that has a differing view than you? Heaven forbid someone admit weakness. Then again, you likely have none, right?



Though his wording wasn't the best (single mother doesn't guarantee mess), isn't it more responsible for him to admit he would be unable to be in that sort of situation fully, rather than getting into such a situation, being unable to deal with things, and making it worse?

Last edited by shadexiii on 12 Feb 2007, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's just the point that after a while it gets very tiring being a woman with two sons watching people that would assume because she had kids with another guy and not with 'him' as in whatever guy interested, that it's a mess. Sure, fine be that way and have that opinion but to call her kids essentially a mess is kinda rude.

how is a woman already having children someone's mess? I would happily go with a woman that already had children, I would care for her and her children equally, make them all happy and loved.

I agree with Mish, that is rather offensive. What I look for in a partner is honesty and trust, I don't mind if she has kids that are someone else's.Very true Mish, couldn't agree with you more.

I have one thing finally to say, I would NEVER consider a woman that already had children someone's "mess", it is quite an insult

Missed that part earlier, not focusing well today...

Sure, it will happen once they have a partner, but as much as I don't like admitting it, your kids and someone else's kids aren't the same. It isn't a clear-cut issue of jealousy. It is part of human nature to protect one's own flesh and blood. While it can work if it is someone else's, for some people that will take a little extra effort. That doesn't mean it isn't possible, just not necessarily as comfortable and / or easy.

I also think I need to explain why I view it as I do a bit better. I'm only 22 years old. In all honesty, I'm not even ready for kids of my own yet. (Emphasis on the yet part...) That would be difficult enough. Someone else's, even if they were kids of someone I cared about, I can only see that as being more difficult. While I say I'd not be willing to be in that kind of a relationship now, it isn't solely because I wouldn't be happy with it. If I can't be ok with it yet, I can't do my full part in such a relationship, so it would be unfair to the woman involved and her kids.

While I don't blame you for being offended, it's also important to understand that not everyone will share the view. The "men like you" statement especially will drive people away. After all, people are hesitant to be around someone who constantly generalizes. I think the following dialog between a woman with kids (WK) and a man (M) will show that I mean.And the cycle continues ad infinitum.

I hope no one was offended by this post. I'm just stressing the important of considering the other person's point of view (namely, a man who's hesitant to date a woman with kids).

Well as I don't have specific names of men... well it's kinda hard not to 'generalize'.

I agree with Aspie-Chav there. Children are fine, but only if they are your own. I have the sensation that single mothers are in the first line interested in their children, so the new partner would be to her like a supporting pillar for the maintenance of them. Of course this would make her a good mother, but just not a good partner (for some at least). Each to his own though.