The REAL reason why I don't date.

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The truth is that anybody that has showed me affection I have pushed away.

I feel like my standards for myself are very high and I'm quick to judge (passive).

I have always obsessed over my looks and while I don't believe I am ugly I feel like I can always improve.

Many people that I meet I'm pretty apathetic towards and I find them uninteresting.

Does anybody else suffer from high standards for themselves and others?

A little bit. I can be open minded when it comes to looks or even weight but I've been repelled by girls who don't meet my standards of intelligence. Also I hate being hit on by girls who are significantly older than me.

It doesn't help when they have kids either. Think of me like Captain Picard. The trouble is, a lot of them that don't have kids want them. That's an urge I'll never understand.

Do I have overly high standards for myself? Probably. It was such standards that motivated me to go on a diet but since I lost 36KG/80lb maybe that turned out OK.

I keep thinking I should get a better job. I keep thinking the job I've got now doesn't count because it's not a "proper" job. I think of other jobs I could do than think I shouldn't get them because they're working class or only suitable for college age. Then I think I have to get some kind of middle class professional job but they're kind of hard to get into. Harder if you're approaching 30 like me.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It's also the main reason why I had so few relationships earlier on in life so I suggest that you learn from my mistake

A good exercise is the application form for a computer dating website. Look carefully at the section where you are describing your ideal partner and then see how flexible you can be, my list looked something like this:

Age: My age +2Y to -7Y
Height: Anything above 5ft
Weight: Anything except overweight
Hair: Don't care but please have some
Eyes: Don't care
Racial Origin: Don't care
Religion: Don't care
Job: Don't care
Politics: Don't care
Star sign: Don't care
Interests & Hobbies: Don't care, but it's nice if you have one
Kids: Don't care
Status: Divorced, widowed or single

The result was that I met LOTS of ladies and I'm living with one now because sometimes things work out.

Great except women don't tend the have the same attitude. One particularly common thing is they all want a man with a good job and my job isn't (hint: it's part time). Women have the utmost contempt for men they consider lazy.

Ok, don't date.

I have been told my standards are rediculously insane

it is a deal breaker if you are dishonest (this one they accuse me of being unreasonable, but I am jtired of people lying or cheating me)

and your standards way different from mine


Age: must be legal
Height: don't care
Weight: Anything
Hair: Don't care
Eyes: Don't care
Racial Origin: Don't care (and you can't be a racist, you would not believe how many I have run into)
Religion: can't be a devout anything, prefer atheist or agnostic
Job: Don't care
Politics: MUST be left of center (I hate fighting and anyone to the right is NOT going to get along with me)
Star sign: Don't care
Interests & Hobbies: not into sports or especially not any type of hunting or killing (yes fishing is included)
Kids: only if grown and out of the home like mine
Status: Divorced, widowed or single (yeah not into anyone cheating OR a poly relationship)


I have lost out on several ones, the last womon who messaged me ended saying we were pretty compatible from the tests and all - when I checked her out she was a racist and a few other deal breakers - after I pointed a few things out and we messaged a little she quit, she can't handle someone like me ( I don't date outside my race - only humans)

Dishonesty is a deal-breaker for me as well. How can you have a relationship with someone you don't trust? Your standards don't seem too high to me.

I have this problem, but I realized that social customs basically force people to act in ways that make them seem uninteresting. It's considered inappropriate to talk about anything "deep" when you've just met someone; people stick to boring small talk and put on a bland mask of social conformity. So I give people a chance by waiting until I know them better, sometimes I try to think of ways to let them know that it's ok to be themselves with me or even take the initiative to steer the encounter to something more exciting to see how they react.