I think I'm too platonic.

Post Reply New Topic

So I've got another date lined up. I'm not asking how to avoid the friend zone with women you already know. It's more like I end up being that way with women I'm already dating. For example. She keeps on saying I look cute (it probably helped that I lost 36 KG, since I updated my picture more women have been sending me contact requests). So I'm wondering if she expects me to return the compliment. She looks average at best though I wasn't expecting Audry Hepburn. I'm not one to complain about such things she's probably at a level that's befitting my level of charisma and social status. Even so, not only does it seem dishonest to call her cute but I know from experience women have built in bullcrap detectors and they don't respond well to insincere flattery. Any advice on my predicaments would be helpful before I screw up again.

Don't date someone you're not attracted to. What a silly idea and a recipe for disaster.

This, and "platonic" isn't the right word here.

This, and don't debate it either. When you're attracted to someone, or not, you know right away.

I'd think in modern society most attempts at flattery aren't recieved as "you're cute" rather than "i want to sleep with you." I try to keep it simple and rarely use flattery, just, when I feel it's appropiate. I'd think most confident women don't need/want a lot of compliments like you'd think they would back in high school.

First of all, I disagree with the "don't date someone you're not attracted to" advice. If I followed that, I'd still be a virgin with zero relationship (not just sex) experience. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Because it's either that or being alone. And I prefer "that". Almost every girl I dated was "someone I'm not attracted to", and I knew that's the best I could date.

However, find something attractive about her. It has to be physical, though; "she's funny" or "she's sweet" won't cut it. Maybe she has nice hair. Maybe she has a figure you like. Maybe she gives great hugs. Anything at all. Only it has to be something physical about her that you're genuinely attracted to. Every girl has that; nobody is 100% ugly. In fact, the girls I dated in the last year always had at least one attractive feature; usually the hair, because it's easiest to see when I'm looking at her face.

I didn't make this up. It's a tactic escorts use when being intimate with unattractive clients (which is most of them). Normally, women have a visceral revulsion to bad-looking men (designed by evolution to protect them against bad genes), but they use this tactic to overcome that. Nothing wrong with reversing this and using it for your own benefit.

I tend to be attracted to women who are way out my league (isn't everyone?) I don't think I'm going to get a date with one who has perfect cheek bones, perfect Epicanthic folds and a BMI of 17.5. I'd settle for one with a compatible personality. Most relationships don't last your whole life anyway so it's not the end of the world. She's still a step up from woman I hated who was infatuated with me. At least one this one seems to have average intelligence. I was a little put off when I spoke to her on the phone because she sounded kind of working class but I didn't let on. Maybe I'm just a snob. And no, I didn't flatter her. I didn't compliment her much at all in spite of her repeated attempts to flatter me. I was just wondering if I should be. At least I managed to have a descent conversation with this one unlike some of dates who are just so boring they expect me to do all the talking. It's just that if felt very platonic though I'm like that with everyone. Is it supposed to escalate from there or is it a sign that things can't get any better?

Also, I've been getting more requests since I updated my profile pic (if I'd known dieting would boost my social status I would've done it years ago). My next question is, is it moral to date two women on two consecutive weekends if I'm not in an actual relationship with either of them. I'd never be one to advocate infidelity but where do I draw the line? Do I have to dump the first one or can I keep her on the backburner until I figure out which one I have better compatibility with?

Do you have zero integrity? Do you not actually care about the people you're using? Pretty selfish.

That's unfortunate. Stop watching porn.

well, there is bound to be *something* physically attractive, even though the complete picture isn't what you'd hope for (protip: it never is, thank photoshop).
if you dont think she is 'cute' by your definition, perhaps you love her eyes or her hair specifically.

dont fake a compliment, but find a detail you can complement honestly, even if it is only a personality trait. if you can't find anything to complement, you aren't compatible

OK so in real life she doesn't quite as bad as her photo. Not perfect but let's say she's within the bell curve. Maybe it was just a bad photo. I mean, I had to trawl through a lot of photos to find some profile pics and some people don't have that many photos of themselves to begin with. It's strange though because it was in a studio setting and those usually turn out perfect. At least we're about the same height. I'm over six foot so I can't say that about many women. I refrained from sharing my newly discovered weight loss techniques.

Anyway, her appearance isn't really what I'm concerned about at the moment. We got on pretty well at first. It turns out we're both huge Star Trek fans. We had plenty of other things in common. She cracked up at my jokes and seems to possess a high degree of intelligence. Maybe she saw something in me at first. It might explain why she agreed to go out with me after about two minutes of chatting on the dating site. So it was all good and stuff but then maybe she lost interest.

I texted her the next day and she seemed pretty phlegmatic. She said she might go out with me next week (or is that code for she won't?). Maybe I'm just not good at the dating game. She seemed to be flirting extensively and I kept on thinking I should be doing something back. Not sure what though. My hair's not long enough to twirl and I don't have a crucifix to press against my lips. The next night it occurred to me that maybe that's a sign I'm meant to kiss her but that seems sort of awkward with a three foot table between us.

i think if you truly find yourself put off by someone being of a (presumably) "lower class" than you, then you need to do some soul searching about what REALLY matters in life--you know, things like love and connection and compassion, rather than status.

yeah, i know. she didn't sound so bad in real life. it's not as though i'm rich or upper class. my attempts at sophistication are mostly a facade. i'd be working class except that i hardly ever do any work.

if she's working class than at least she does some actual work. i expect nursing is no easy job. i can scarcely imagin myself working an 8 hour shift, let alone 24. i frequently stay awake for that long but that's only because i never do anything dificult so i don't get tired.

not to get defensive but this is an attempt at soul searching, finding love, compassion (within myself) and connection. i''m trying to prove to myself that this is what really matter in life, not how much time i can spend staring at a computer screen like i usually do.

but you're rigtht. i should be more tolerent. if she can tollerate me not sharing her faith than this should be insignificant by comparison.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 25 Mar 2014, 9:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Selfish? I'm 95% asexual. So... let me get this right... If I want to have emotional and physical intimacy with someone I have to want to have sex with them, or else I'm selfish? What the hell?

hmmm. that sounds like her problem with me. not that i'm asexual but due to combination of shyness and social ineptitude i might appear like one.

i'll have to figure something out because i'm not a telepath like most peope are.

That's funny. An Australian complaining about how people speak.

Go eat your fosh and chops