I am so confused right now.

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I met this girl. We both liked each other and felt comfortable around each other from the start. We both fancied each other but her previous boyfriend had abused her so she said she didn't want a relationship and she was not interested in casual sex either. I met her today and suddenly she said she was going on a date with a new boyfriend. She is avoiding eye contact with me (not conversation) but there is a part of her that still fancies me and no, I am not seeing/wishing for things that aren't there. What to do ?

Did you two ever discuss feeling for eachother?

The fact that she told you that she doesn't want a relationship right now usually ends up meaning "I don't want a relationship with you." That is about 99.9% of the time that this ends up being true. Very rarely do any exceptions to the rule get made.

She knew you liked her and she feels bad about having to tell you that she is seeing someone else. So cut her some slack on that part. Tell her that you were happy to get to know her and that you wish her the best with the new boyfriend if you choose to leave her alone. That would be my recommendation.

Edit to add:
You'd feel a lot better about this if you can say something nice to her and keep practising this positive vibe for yourself and other people as well. Try not being negative about this or you will likely feel bitter and resentful.

Thanks for replying to me and the advice, aspiemike. I have a thread a few pages back called something like '45 and going on my first real date'. I would appreciate it if you took some time to read it and offer me some more advice if you think something else. She has wanted to be and has been so close to me and I with her. We were in the lift today and she leant against me. When we were talking in the pub today, she was nice and polite and genuinely interested in talking to me. All the time looking straight at me to reply to me but not looking directly into my eyes. Even when she leant on the table directly facing me several times she didn't even back off when I did the same. Her body language hasn't changed in any way like you would expect from somebody not interested in you. I don't think I am in the friend-zone quite yet. I genuinely wished her good luck on her first date with her new boy-friend. She went to the ladies but left her friend talking to me. I told her friend that whoever her new boy-friend was, he was a lucky man and then I left. It is very possible she does indeed have a new boyfriend but could she be trying to find out how I feel about her by seeing what my reaction was ? She certainly knows now. I also think that she is on the spectrum as well or has some kind of social disorder. She is seeing a psychiatrist and has recently had a brain scan. Can I salvage this or should I leave it ? As you can probably tell from my previous post, we were/wanted to be so close to each other but why are we drifting apart ? I cannot see what I have done/not done for things to change like this. I wasn't clingy. What can I do if she won't see me without being around other people or having a friend for support ? She wouldn't even phone me. I didn't have any chance to tell her how I felt as I was never alone with her for long enough. I just assumed that she knew as she always wanted to be so close to me and I was willing to let her over and over again. Maybe she just didn't realize much I needed to trust her to get that close to me without me wanting to back off.

Gregory, I can't read through that thread right now. But based on your second message and the details involved, you will have to place some boundaries on this friendship with her and she is going to have to respect these boundaries.

She won't hang out with you alone and that is a telling sign she isn't interested in romance with you and she also told you the line of "I'm not ready for a relationship". That is as direct as she is going to be with you.

There is no doubt in my mind that she is seeing how interested you are in her. Look up the word " orbiter" because I think she is making you one of hers.

Do your best to be friendly wiyh her and respectful. I don't see how you are going to be more than friends with her. And I don't know how often you will be in contact with her. She may answer when you call or may not. But I feel she may call you when trouble hits paradise and you need to stand your ground if that happens

IMO, sometimes the best bet is to get out of dodge. It's tough but sometimes for the best depending on how the feelings are.

There is this common theme on light movies/books.

Someone waits for the other person to marry them/somewhat change for a long period and eventually they give up/meet someone else/whatever.

After this the protagonist has to face the fact that the other person was ready to commit/change/whatever, they just didnt want to do it to be with them.

This applies on this situation. As much of a connection as you may have felt it wasnt enough for her to give you a chance and she met someone else that made her reconsider things.

Fairly common stuff

There isn't anything to do, so do nothing. This isn't a reason to like her or try and go after her. I would just try and stop thinking about it, however that needs to happen, and try and find someone else.

Thanks for the replies and advice.

Like a typical aspie I have the constitution of a saint but all I did for a lot of the evening was cry. Initially that spark was there for both of us. Now it's going or has gone. Forget it ? I must for her sake but for me, it will take a long time.

Orbiter ? Not sure about that. Even if she was, she would have only got the confidence or got that confidence back from being with me. She was at the stage where she wouldn't hang out with anyone alone or flirt with anyone but meeting with me made that change. With her new-found confidence she seems to have found someone else. I understand that I am the one that is f*cked up due to the way this sh*tty ASD has affected me and she is not to be held accountable for that.

Find someone else ? All I want for most of the time is be alone. Even if I didn't I would be at the same situation again. Once I like someone I little to no control over the fact that I would genuinely do anything they asked or wanted. That's why I have a history of being physically/sexuallly abused. Nothing in the world will take that vulnerability away. Sh*tty AS.

I'll try not to give up, though. I am thinking about going to a lunch club run by my local charitable Autistic Trust.