What's it like being an attractive woman?

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Attractiveness and Attractive People: What's it like being an attractive woman?
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Vinati Singh, I vaguely remember this activity.


Two years ago I fell off the steps of a bus while climbing down and twisted my ankle. What followed was the usual procedure that is common in the US. The EMT's came almost immediately and I was loaded on to an ambulance and taken to a hospital. A few hours later I was treated and discharged.

What was uncommon was how I was treated while going to ER and while I was in the hospital. People were KIND to me, men and women alike. They even went the extra mile that they didn't have to. They wheeled me into a private room instead of making me wait in the crowded ER waiting room. Someone came and asked me if the temperature was okay and if I need the AC adjusted. When I said I was cold, he brought me a blanket and some magazines, in case I got bored. The nurses stopped by, making pleasant chitchat with me. Random people asked me if I was in too much pain, did I need anything... etc. There were other people who were brought in while I was waiting. Old patients groaning in pain were given the provisions they needed and then ignored. A woman who's face was bitten severely by an Akita was left in a corner holding wads of tissue to her face while howling in pain. Nobody was abandoned without treatment but it was obvious to me that others (mostly the elderly, the infirm, the seemingly unattractive) were treated clinically and ticked off the 'to do' charts. A sprained ankle is not priority, so while I was not pushed to the front of the line, my stay was made as pleasant as possible. Why would people do that? ER staff, who understand what real pain is like, certainly knew I didn't need their attention like others did. Why were others treated clinically while I got coddled? Others got more care, but I got kindness.

My mother had a stroke 17 years ago and has had several mini strokes since then. I have made many trips to ER with her. This story doesn't change. It broke my heart that night to see the contrast that I was treated with compared to what I watch my mother go through every couple of years. I came home from ER that day and wept silently, after seeing first hand how differently I got treated versus the people who really needed it. People like my mother, whom the world ignores. Nobody acknowledges the pain, the struggle, the helplessness of the less fortunate.

So do I enjoy it? Every day. Without realizing it. Like any other good looking, healthy, independent person, man or woman. As second nature. The world is just nicer to attractive people. Just like the world is nicer to rich people. I'm not in the dating world. It's not about free drinks, gifts and luxuries. It's about people being nice. Smiling at you when you're having a bad day. Showing a little extra care in dealing with you. The politeness, the attention, the little niceties. It's a privilege and I don't take it lightly.

There are no real problems associated with being an attractive woman that any other woman would not face anyway. The attention from men is fine when it's positive. The leering, the cat calling, the brashness and the threatening nature of male attention doesn't come from aesthetic appreciation. It comes from a place of aggression and all women and even young girls learn this early in life.

The attention does feel shallow at times. It certainly did in that ER room. But who am I to turn away people who in their minds are just being nice? Do they go through a mental calculation of exactly how much niceness my degree of beauty deserves? Of course not. And the flip side is a lot worse. I'm grateful for any positive behavior because I know this is temporary. Eventually I will join the ranks of the elderly, the infirm and the seemingly unattractive.

One thing I refuse to do is to make excuses for being attractive. I know it's subjective and I know it's temporary. I know it's the luck of the draw and I know that I'm just one of many. I know it means nothing in the long run and I know it means a lot for first impressions. So I refuse to go Anon for fear of seeming immodest. I don't control it anymore than I control any other invariable factor in my life. It means nothing to the people who are truly important to me. Does it matter to my husband or my mother or my kids what I look like? When I'm sitting and chatting with my friends do we care what the other person looks like? No. And I wouldn't have it any other way. But I also won't disrespect this privilege by pretending it doesn't exist."

Not talking about your mother, talking about you. Maybe you made them feel good so they were nice. I'm sorry your mother isn't being treated with more respect and compassion. Happens way too much.

I am saying that beauty is not enough to hold people, though it may get their attention in the first place.

Physical Appearances of People: What does it feel like to go from physically unattractive to physically attractive?
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Picture:
http://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-d2 ... _webp=true

Kyri Baker, ECE PhD by day, Rockstar by night

My appearance changed quite dramatically from high school to college. My hair calmed down, my skin cleared up, I grew into my gangly, awkward body, I lost the baby fat on my face, and I finally started taking care of my crazy eyebrows. Growing up, I was a nerd. I didn't have many friends, and most of my time was spent alone in my room working on electronics projects, programming, playing guitar or video games.


(((Some background: I'm a PhD candidate in electrical engineering at a top 10 school. At my core, I'm still pretty damn nerdy. I used to be very socially awkward and multiple people told me I probably had Aspergers syndrome. I also had really bad social anxiety, especially in high school, to the point where I would feel nauseous basically every morning at the prospect of having to go into a social situation such as school. I didn't own a single dress, and no boys were interested in me. I didn't have my first kiss until college.)))

After I matured, I started going to the gym, and my appearance started changing, I noticed quite a few changes in my lifestyle and how people treated me. This may just be specific to me, but these were the big changes in my life:

1) I was no longer a wallflower. People started looking at me when I walked around and taking notice of my presence. This was weird and unnerving.

2) Making friends became a lot easier; I didn't even have to make an effort. I was still weird and offensive and I STILL made friends. I started getting invited to a lot of events and parties. I felt like socializing and going to parties was the "cool" thing to do, and the thing I should do and take advantage of.

3) Other girls ask me about and pay a lot of attention to what I'm wearing, my makeup, accessories, blah blah. This is weird. I don't normally notice this stuff on other girls. And I still don't really know how to use makeup that well, but if I have to go to an event or do a photoshoot or something, there's usually someone around that can do it for me.

4) I have two personalities now. One is my real self, which is who my friends and coworkers know, and who makes super nerdy jokes, is wildly inappropriate, and very morbid. The second is the personality I put on for non-technical social situations. No one is going to get my nerdy jokes, even though they may be the first things I think of. I remember once at some fancy party I let one of those jokes slip and got laughed at and called "big bang theory" for the rest of the night. No, this is an art gallery opening, or a fashion show, or who knows what else, where no one wants to hear that stuff...

http://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-60 ... _webp=true

EDIT: Perhaps here is a better comparison; on the right this time I'm not wearing any makeup.

I still can't actually remember what my face looks like now unless I picture one of my Facebook profile photos or something. I still keep thinking of myself looking like I did in high school. Even in a lot of my dreams, I still appear like that girl.

==> Do I take advantage of this? Yes, to some degree. For example, I have a side career playing electric guitar, and obviously, it's easier to become famous when you're good looking. So I try to promote my looks to increase my views on my YouTube guitar vids. You don't get 5 million views JUST being a girl with decent guitar playing skills. You need to be a *hot* girl with decent guitar playing skills! I still feel too awkward to go to certain extents of showing off my looks, like having cleavage shots or something, like other girl musicians on YouTube, but I do know that your appearance is a huge reason a viewer is going to click on that thumbnail.

There are also disadvantages I have encountered. One is having to deal with other girls being competitive or jealous, and being mean to you. This never happened before, so it took me a while to believe that it was a thing. Another is that more often than not, when a stranger approaches you at a party or at a bar, they automatically assume you're not very intelligent. I've had more instances than I can count where I've said "Oh, I'm getting my doctorate in engineering" and the guy became visibly disinterested. A few times I got a "you're joking, right?" It just reinforces that you were just judged on your looks, and that person was not interested in getting to know you for your personality or intelligence.

Finally, I get to share one of my deepest personal story! Please allow me to give you a quick introduction of myself.

Edit: I decided to add some positivity in the end since there were some good that came out of this.

My Story Growing Up
Acne
Some people grow up with pimples and acne, but my case was out of the ordinary.

I grew up having severe cyst acne from the age of 13 to 17. In fact, the term "severe cyst acne" just doesn't cut it. There has to be a medical term for my condition.

Any woo, as you may know, we develop our personality in our teenage years. It's the most important stage of our life.

Can you imagine for one second, that I did not want to be seen or talked to? Not even by my parents?

I still have anxiety problem with just looking at my mom, dad, and brother in the eyes today. Don't even get me started with how bad it was with strangers. This is probably the biggest problem that I had to get fixed.

Fortunately my acne is under control, but I still have scarring (which I've already got multiple surgeries done). I'm not too insecure about my face anymore, but I do have to get over the fact that I no longer have acne on my face.

http://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f0 ... _webp=true


Overweight and Anti-Social

I was chubby from 15 to 18. I guess food was one of my means to enjoy life if nothing else was going for me. I also played an MMORPG game similar to World of Warcraft because that was my other means to enjoy life.

My social interaction definitely lacked big time growing up since I spent 8+ hours on the computer from the age of 13 to 18. It was pure isolation and I remember how my parents were extremely worried about this.

Me growing up pudgy (At least my acne was gone, yay! But I was still unhappy)
http://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-0e ... _webp=true

Skin disease

Lastly, I developed seborrheic dermatitis on my face.

This was when I was 21. I went to the ER and honestly thought I was going to die. I couldn't sleep for days because it was too uncomfortable. I had smelly yellow liquid discharging from my head, skin, body, almost everywhere. It was very uncomfortable so I didn't sleep at all that week. I didn't know the true definition of sleep deprive until I experienced it myself.

Also, can you imagine? My life didn't really get better until I turned 20. I was enjoying life but then, I am hit with this skin disease!

The good news however?
Having seborrheic dermatitis really set things in place for me. I'll be honest and say that at this point in time, I was already getting muscular and a getting a bit too cocky. Being hit with this skin disease reminded me of my old acne days and that I shouldn't be in over my head.



How is my life today?

After seeing all those pictures, some of you may wonder how I look like today. Well, after years of trying to improve myself, here's what I currently look like today:

From fat to fit
I can definitely say that fitness helped me get through tough times. When I feel depressed, I hit the weights. When I feel like I've hit rock bottom, I hit the weights.

Simply hitting the weights was a solution for everything, and it gave me positive results in return
http://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7a ... _webp=true


From unattractive to attractive
Now I'm not saying this because I think I am. I'm saying this simply because I've heard it enough times.

Yes, I had to hear it "enough times" to really believe it. Nevertheless, it feels pretty damn great to hear that I'm no longer repulsive looking.

Now, how does this all feel to me?

Very euphoric. I have a hard time believing that I'm here sharing this story.

I have been offered to model for a skin company (for acne scar treatments) and I am currently sponsored by 2 fitness industries.

What I've experienced from my upbringing and past has made me very, VERY humble today. I am thankful in some ways what all of this has taught me.

If you were to see me today, you'd see a normal guy who looks like he has it all together, but that is far from the truth.

Internally, my mindset is still.. Hmm... How should I say this... Screwed up?

Why do I feel like my mind is messed up?
Think of it this way. If you threw someone in a society that was a lot different from what they're used to believing in, they are going to have a hard time adjusting to the norms.

My life acted in a way that was like an off-on switch. And I had no clue how to respond to it.

I started getting attention and opportunities that I didn't know how to act upon.

I didn't have very much experience with socializing in the beginning. I can be very socially awkward at times since I failed to pick up social cues correctly, especially from the ladies. Let's not forget, I used to look unapproachable because there was no smile on my face. (It's a lot better today)

Let me expand a bit more on my lack of socialization, you might find it interesting.

Lack of socialization
My lack of socializing in the earlier years lead to problems like no self-confidence, having self-doubts, being extremely shy, having high anxiety around people, or even having anxiety about street lights turning red before I'll even make it!

These are all a big turn off for girls, which is where it gets even more complicated.

You see, when girls see me, they automatically assume I'm dating other women left and right. They assume I'm a player since I dress pretty well and I'm fit. So why the heck would most approach me, right?

In fact, it's the guys that should be doing the approaching, not the ladies.

...Well, It took me the age of 23 (and yes, I'm 23 right now) to realize that women will generally not approach you. I have to do the approaching myself, and I have been told that I look intimidating.

To clear up some stuff, yes, I have been hit on and called handsome, etc. by the opposite sex.

Some of you may still say "You're far from ugly, so why wouldn't you approach?" I totally agree, I am working on that. Believe me. But you have no idea how hard it is to break out of this d*mn shell, especially since I've been in it for so long.

I am making little progress each and every day (making eye contacts, being more direct). So that's something for me to be proud of.

Now Where's All The Positivity!
Being that I had a lot of alone time to myself, I read up on a lot of interesting stuff on just about anything, got new hobbies, improved on myself, and developed a few skills. I'll list them below.

(Also, did you know that lonely people are actually interesting because they process so much knowledge?)

I started blogging to speak my mind. This turned out pretty well since it taught me how to code, market myself, and how to write so that I can captivate people emotionally.
I settled a goal where I told myself I'll be as fit as genetically possible.
I concentrated on having better skin care, quality haircuts, got colored eye contacts, dyed my hair, pierced my hair, got into fashion, anything that was going to improve my looks.
I later became a Google Agent for their Search Engine (I quit after a year though) from the experience that I had and from meeting the right person.
I started to get on YouTube to just put myself out there (and to practice talking), which I find very fun to do since I love being on camera.
I started learning how to sing, which I will open a music channel on YouTube in 2014 once I get more vocal practice and a bigger fan base, which by the way, I have almost half a million followers across Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr.
I created my first start-up company almost near the middle of 2013.

I achieved all these things because I wanted to add value to my life. I wanted to be someone important. But often times, people don't see what I've been through to know why I am very determined. They just think that I got lucky or something.

If you truly read all the way down here, you can clearly see it has nothing to do with luck. My motivation and determination is what built my success.

And last but not least, wow, you guys made it all the way to the bottom of this?!

Well, I must thank Quora for allowing me to write this deep personal story of mine, and you guys for reading all the way at the bottom of this. So glad I can finally let this out :')

I read recently that how you talk often means you get better treatment in hospital too. I can't find the article. It was in the Guardian I think. Something about equality in hospital treatment (or rather the lack of it). I don't feel like I have any problems with medical staff. I am articulate and sound middle class. I was shocked to find that some people felt like they weren't treated with respect because of how they talk.

Moral of the stories: LOOKS ARE VERY IMPORTANT!! !! MORE THAN WE EVER THOUGHT

Moral of the stories: LOOKS ARE VERY IMPORTANT!! !! MORE THAN WE EVER THOUGHT

I've always thought that looks were massively important in determining how people treat you. I'm male and I think this goes for men as well as women. People don't like to admit it though - we're conditioned not to admit it. We like to think we have more depth than that.

I've always felt that I am unattractive. I've always been told that I'm unattractive and mocked for it, despite the fact that since my early teens I have taken a great deal of care over personal grooming, hygiene, clothes and manners.

People often make unflattering compare me to some monster or other - the most frequent being Lurch from The Addams Family. I currently have a surgical wound on my forehead (having had a BCC recently removed) and last week my (female) boss suggested that I look like Frankenstein's monster...

I am beginning to wonder if my Autism has something to do with this "appearance" - that it is my blank, expressionless face and awkward body language. I try to counter this but of course I can't do it convincingly all the time. As I say I expend a lot of effort on my grooming and hygiene so these are not an issue. I dress in clean and tidy clothes but I can't wear the latest fashions because they just don't make these clothes in my size (plus, I'm 47...)

I guess that I will never know how much of what puts people off is my physical appearance and what is non-verbal communication but it is heartbreaking. Throughout my working life it has been very easy to see that when a good looking guy starts in the office, some women start putting out an "I'm interested" vibe to him (even before he has spoken a word to them). This doesn't happen to me. Flirtiness in the office environment seems to be behind an awful lot of who gets promotions, who gets trained and, in downsizing situations, who keeps their job. I'm at the bottom of the pile.

I do think that good looking people just get better treatment across the board. Often really good looking people are really nice because they have received such good treatment from others; I don't believe that it's the other way around: i.e. that they are attractive because they are so nice). In my experience it has been the less attractive people who have tried to bully or ridicule me as a way to try and claw their way up the social totem pole.