Overall experience with online dating: + or - ? (MALES ONLY)

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As an ASD male, your overall experience with females in online dating has been
Positive 18%  18%  [ 10 ]
Negative 35%  35%  [ 19 ]
Neither positive nor negative 18%  18%  [ 10 ]
No experience / not an ASD male / just want to see results 29%  29%  [ 16 ]
Total votes : 55

FMX
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05 Apr 2014, 7:14 am

A certain female WP member keeps telling me that online dating (in particular OKCupid) is "fun". However, based on everything I read here from guys it seems like nothing, but a frustrating, painful waste of time. I hear things like: the guy has to make all the effort, the women don't reply, they don't show up to dates, they like to play games, they're just crazy, etc. In general, my impression is that women on OKC and other dating sites treat men very poorly indeed. So, as I often do, I'm looking for evidence that I'm wrong!

Please vote and reply only if you are a male who has experience interacting with females via online dating and you think you have an ASD (whether diagnosed or not).

Please evaluate your overall impression of your experience. Was it fun? Frustrating? Exciting? Disappointing? Did you enjoy it? If you've had a positive experience I'd be interested to hear what you think contributed to that, if you know. (Eg. if you think it's because you look really hot in your profile photos or you said something really clever - it's fine to say so!) If you know what contributed to a negative experience, of course I'd be interested in that, too.

Note that I'm not asking whether you eventually found someone or not. That's largely about you and your luck, but I'm more interested in what the process was like and how you were treated by the women on those sites, which reflects more on them (though of course your behaviour is still a factor).

And yes, I'm aware that there are similar threads in existence, but they're usually along the lines of "should I try OKC?" or "is there any chance for me?" or "is it worth it?", but I'm asking something more specific here.


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AutisticGuy1981
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05 Apr 2014, 8:38 am

I think it depends on what you really have to offer.

Those of us that don't work have very little to offer even if we are getting more money than a lot of people who do work, so we are instantly shunned because of that anyway.
It's also pretty hard to appear interesting if you don't really have a social life.

I wish more people on dating websites were totally honest, I know some of my ex wife's friends are almost nothing like what their profile says.
They are just as boring and introverted as I am for the most part, In fact I'm pretty sure I spend less time indoors than they do....

As a men you also have very limited options and most the people you do share interests with are very selective about who they reply to so unless your really good looking you won't have much of a chance.

I've noticed some of the really good looking women on here that have linked to their profiles in the past don't mention they have a disability at all and you would think they were completely NT if you didn't know they posted on here.

So unless your good at faking NT social behaviour then I wouldn't bother getting your hopes to high


It might help if people were more educated about the spectrum and didn't get scared as soon as they hear HFA or aspergers.

I think I have a lot to offer because of the type of person I am and women are always going on about where are the nice guys that don't cheat and go out drinking all the time...
But they won't even give you a chance unless you go clubbing with friends etc which is exactly the opposite of what most husband material guys do.

I know I can be a good husband because I was married at 19 and we didn't separate until I was 30-31. (she was 26 btw and had a 7 year old child so she was quite a bit more mature than I was but I adapted fine to a father role in her sons life)
I had no issues looking after my son when he was a baby, I was really good with him and as he got older I used to take him to the local park to kick a ball around etc on most days.

Just because I have autism it doesn't mean I'm mentally retarded and incapable of being a good father or a good husband but it's what most people assume.

I personally believe I'm better at settling down and being a family man than the majority of NT guys out there.



Last edited by AutisticGuy1981 on 05 Apr 2014, 9:35 am, edited 3 times in total.

yournamehere
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05 Apr 2014, 9:26 am

Horrible... I have not tried that particular site, but others... horrible. A picture tells a thousand words, and songs say soo much. Reality paints a different picture, and makes a book of non fiction. Maybe I will go on there, and pick out the trolls.



yournamehere
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05 Apr 2014, 9:34 am

Hahaha. I looked at the poll, and so far nobody picked positive.



Stargazer43
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05 Apr 2014, 10:10 am

I picked indifferent. On one hand, I have had a lot of success actually getting dates on there...far more than with offline dating. Most of the people I've met have actually been really interesting and nice people. So far, I haven't really run into anyone who wasn't exactly what they said they were in their profile. It provides an additional avenue to meet people, and you know off the bat that they are single and looking to date, and you can learn a bit about who they are.

The bad: You will face a lot of rejection, and with online dating the rejection can be very cold and abrupt (since you are basically a complete stranger to them even after you meet up once or twice). I've had people go from confiding their entire life story one day to completely cutting all contact the next. You will often be treated like you are little more than another number in a vast sea of potential candidates. With online dating, women essentially have 2-3 times as many available "suitors" as men, so they can afford to be extremely choosy and reject you for even the most frivolous reasons (oh, you don't like kung pao chicken? NEXT!).



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05 Apr 2014, 1:08 pm

Before you decide on things, I'd suggest you make a fake female profile just so you can see the kind of freaky crap girls get on that website. Its insane the amount of 'hey lets get laid' and lecherous messages they receive even if the profile is only a single photo and no text. You'd think there's a lecher-bot out there doing it. Its a spam-flood of it.

On the flip side, as a guy you will likely only get messages from cougars 10+ years older than you. If you put on your profile how wealthy and sucessful you are..homeowner, vacation-overseas taker, expensive car kind of guy you will get messages from the girls you were hoping to date in the first place (looks-wise not gold-digger wise).

Those dating sites are generally a waste of time.



TheHermit
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05 Apr 2014, 8:56 pm

Dating sites are in general a scam. They even employ fake female profiles to keep men interested. There's always going to be way more men than women, so unless you have boobs, you're not going to get much attention anyways. The only people who get any use out of it are the guys who don't need any help in the first place. I had to finally admit to myself that clicking through profiles on the internet isn't going to help me connect with people in real life. It seems to be ultimately counter-productive for most people most of the time (unless you're a girl).


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MXH
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05 Apr 2014, 9:47 pm

Neutral. Never dedicated the required time to get results or to see that im just wasting my time



inconelx
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05 Apr 2014, 9:57 pm

Dantac wrote:
Those dating sites are generally a waste of time.


that would depend on how much time you are willing to spend, my only successes in dating have been through sites, admittedly, the response rate is poor due to the spamming creepers, but it seems to work better than other means for me.

Admittedly in my case that is partly due to fear of trying to ask someone out in person when they might reject me and find me creepy and tell the world.



nick007
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06 Apr 2014, 2:10 am

I never had good luck on dating sites & I tried a lot of em but I had physical disabilities & mental stuff limiting me instead of just Aspergers. I voted for Neither positive nor negative due to that & because I didn't even get a date so my experience wasn't too bad


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06 Apr 2014, 12:44 pm

I have found there are generally a decent number of women but it's VERY obvious why most of them are single. The nasty, arrogant attitudes of the bulk of women on these sites gave me a bad impression of women in general that I am trying to recover from. The tiny percentage of decent women are usually not on these sites very long, likely either scooped up or scared off. It's really too bad because in theory online dating should be an excellent way of meeting single women since there's generally no guesswork involved. I formed one relationship but she turned out to have serious issues and is a textbook case of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I'm still on OKCupid but really don't hold out much hope. I have received a number of messages from women but they don't seem to really be taking it seriously at all and have only met one in person so far. The few times I messaged women I was treated rather rudely, including someone I know from real life that I thought was a dream match. Seems like few people have manners anymore. Oh well, off I go to the real world: hopefully I can meet someone there!



boinki
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06 Apr 2014, 5:11 pm

DANGER WILL ROBINSON!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!! !
beware women online
evil
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DANGER WILL ROBINSON!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON ! !!
beware women online



TheHermit
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06 Apr 2014, 5:34 pm

boinki wrote:
DANGER WILL ROBINSON!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!! !
beware women online
evil
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DANGER WILL ROBINSON!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON ! !!
beware women online


Haha, yes. Especially considering that many of them are actually men!


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Persevero
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06 Apr 2014, 6:05 pm

I've met some pretty interesting women but I've yet to make a relationship work more than two months with someone I've met online.

I kind of wish I could meet a clingy girl, but then I have to be careful what I wish for haha. I'm just a bit tired of women fading out on me :(



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06 Apr 2014, 6:48 pm

Online is not the place to look for a relationship. Nothing can be believed, and when it hits the fan, it's ALWAYS the guy to blame. Women always come out clean. Everyone will always take the side of the pretty face. It is not worth the risk. Isolation and solitude are a better option than dealing with females online.