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JacobV
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05 Apr 2014, 6:00 pm

I'm a 32 y/o aspie.. in love with another aspie... I wonder if there's any other guys out there who've been there before. Fate has it that I have no chance on earth to make it work with her.. but the thought of someone like her existing makes life seem so beautiful u.u



yournamehere
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05 Apr 2014, 8:59 pm

They all want me. :lol:



886
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06 Apr 2014, 3:38 am

JacobV wrote:
Fate has it that I have no chance on earth to make it work with her..


this statement is only true if you let it be true

/e unless she's married or something


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Cafeaulait
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06 Apr 2014, 3:43 am

Why would it not work with her dude? Have some confidence.



JacobV
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06 Apr 2014, 5:14 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
Why would it not work with her dude? Have some confidence.


Confidence has never been my thing. The reason it won't work is because she's beautiful and smart and awesome to talk to... which means she is desired by EVERY single male out there age 18 to 80. I don't need confidence.... I need total dillusion to think this would work out.

Seems like love for most aspies is different than it is for most NT's... it seems to me that we often enjoy the feeling of love alone... thinking about someone... fantasizing and dreaming about them.. and enjoying every feeling and thought that comes up in our lonesome bliss... when we fall in love, the object of our love often never finds out.

We don't have to actually live out that love to enjoy it, we've been conditioned to love, but never be able to realize it... so we learn to feel the happyness and the love on our own without it needing to be returned by the other person... to avoid the risk of being let down because of our obvious social lacking

bitter-sweet... but in a way it's amazing how palpable the feeling of love is to us that we can enjoy it on our own when needed... perhaps it's a sort of survival skill so that we won't feel miserable in our likely lives spent alone....

Has anyone else found themselves obsessing over someone you love without ever letting them know?

that was my go-to move for most of my life



yournamehere
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06 Apr 2014, 5:31 am

Women in general, have a need to be desired. They like confidence. Dr. Feel good stuff. You could have one toe. No eyes, and a half of a brain. That does not compare to how good you make someone feel, and how much you desire them. Just don't get all creepy.



Cafeaulait
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06 Apr 2014, 6:53 am

yournamehere wrote:
Women in general, have a need to be desired. They like confidence. Dr. Feel good stuff. You could have one toe. No eyes, and a half of a brain. That does not compare to how good you make someone feel, and how much you desire them. Just don't get all creepy.


YES!!



Cafeaulait
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06 Apr 2014, 6:56 am

JacobV wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Why would it not work with her dude? Have some confidence.


Confidence has never been my thing. The reason it won't work is because she's beautiful and smart and awesome to talk to... which means she is desired by EVERY single male out there age 18 to 80. I don't need confidence.... I need total dillusion to think this would work out.

Seems like love for most aspies is different than it is for most NT's... it seems to me that we often enjoy the feeling of love alone... thinking about someone... fantasizing and dreaming about them.. and enjoying every feeling and thought that comes up in our lonesome bliss... when we fall in love, the object of our love often never finds out.

We don't have to actually live out that love to enjoy it, we've been conditioned to love, but never be able to realize it... so we learn to feel the happyness and the love on our own without it needing to be returned by the other person... to avoid the risk of being let down because of our obvious social lacking

bitter-sweet... but in a way it's amazing how palpable the feeling of love is to us that we can enjoy it on our own when needed... perhaps it's a sort of survival skill so that we won't feel miserable in our likely lives spent alone....

Has anyone else found themselves obsessing over someone you love without ever letting them know?

that was my go-to move for most of my life


Please don't think that way. I've been dating an aspie guy since a month, and he thought exactly the same way about me: she's beautiful, smart, and awesome to talk to. He literally told me that he couldn't imagine this ever happening and having such a beautiful girl. And yet it did. I fell for HIM, and non of the other guys.

Don't give up when you haven't even started yet :?



kaedatiger
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13 Apr 2014, 6:06 am

Take a chance. My boyfriend thought I was going to reject him when he asked me out. Maybe she enjoys spending time with you as much as you do with her. You can't assume that because other people desire her they all somehow have a better chance than you do. If you are friends, that's about a third of what makes a good relationship anyway.



AngelRho
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13 Apr 2014, 7:19 am

JacobV wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Why would it not work with her dude? Have some confidence.


Confidence has never been my thing. The reason it won't work is because she's beautiful and smart and awesome to talk to... which means she is desired by EVERY single male out there age 18 to 80. I don't need confidence.... I need total dillusion to think this would work out.

Been there. Married that.

You'll never know until you try.

My woman is NT, but it doesn't matter. And just because you end up together guarantees NOTHING. You do guarantee failure, however, if you fail to ever try at all.

I can tell you this, though…confidence can only come with experience. My experience was that I'd been with the same girl for a few years before it finally occurred to me that things were not going in a positive direction. I was devastated in having to end the relationship because I was freaked out at the prospect of finding a decent girl who'd want me. I think my problem was always trying to skip straight to a relationship after a first date, but for a brief period I was able to get to know a few girls and I think that really helped me. I eventually went back to my old college flame who'd remained my friend all along. We've had our ups and down, but we're really good together. She's gorgeous. There were one or two other beauties along the way, one in particular that had real potential, but in the end it was finding what's really best that makes for relationships that can last. You can't have that without taking time and getting to know women.

I think it's ok to fall in love, to have those insane, obsessive feelings of attraction for one person, but I would advise not to let that cloud your mind. Relationships are the kind of thing you really do want to hedge your bets on. Don't go after this girl as though your life depends on it. Go ahead and preemptively move on. Only zero in on this girl if it starts to look like you've got something real developing. Otherwise, have some other potential candidates lined up in the event this doesn't work out.



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13 Apr 2014, 7:51 am

Take chances!

And don't limit Aspies to people who cannot have functional partners!

I have been married for almost 10 years. My husband pursued me for 5 years before I agreed to date him.

Persistence can pay off. (Though as mentioned above, don't be creepy.)


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So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
I have two children (one AS and one NT)
I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
I have significant chronic medical conditions as well