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jaje85
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18 Apr 2014, 1:17 am

I would like some clarification on this. I've heard, and I don't remember the source or even remember if it was a reliable source, that Aspies should NOT date other Aspies. The reasoning was because Aspies tend to need an NT to help them with what they struggle with or something like that.

What I'm wondering is if there is any truth to this at all. Even if the reasoning is different. I do have my doubts about this. Joining this site is my first time connecting with other Aspies. So I want to hear what you think. Are there many successful Aspie/Aspie couples out there?



auntblabby
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18 Apr 2014, 2:43 am

it is slowly dawning on me that I have no business being in any kind of relationship with anybody, AS or NT or what have you. I am socially inept and not fixable as the part of the brain which makes for social success is simply missing in me. I know a couple who fight like cats and dogs, they consist of a strongly AS person and a moderately mild AS person. the mild partner chafes at the gaucheness of the strong-AS partner, while the strong-AS partner feels constantly misunderstood by the mild partner. but through sheer stubbornness they stick together as a bulwark against a cruel outer world.



KenM
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18 Apr 2014, 6:50 am

I have been in the best relationship of my life for the last 3.5 years. She also has AS. Key in any relationship is communication.



saraip
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18 Apr 2014, 1:55 pm

I think relationships work because the people in them choose to make them work together - regardless of being on the AS or not. I would liken that reasoning to saying "Type II diabetics shouldn't date other Type II diabetics because they need someone to help them with what they struggle with".



jaje85
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18 Apr 2014, 3:54 pm

That's pretty much what I thought. AS or NT, it doesn't matter if there's communication.

It did sound pretty ludicrous when I was writing it out.



NTGuyBR
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18 Apr 2014, 7:05 pm

From what I've read here in the forum there reports of lasting relationships of two types (AS-AS / AS-
NT) and yes, I agree with what was said, the important thing is communication, and also add: interest / love for their partner


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nick007
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18 Apr 2014, 10:01 pm

I think it depends on the specif Aspies as to weather or not they should date NTs or other Aspies. My current girlfriend is an Aspie & so was the one I had before her. When I struggled with things when single I wanted a partner who would understand me, understand why I struggle & be by my side & sympathize so an Aspie is much better for me sense we can relate instead of misinterpreting many things about each other including communication which would cause more stress & frustration. The phrase "Aspies tend to need an NT to help them with what they struggle with" makes it sound like they need an NT to be their mom or caretaker.


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Autism_Us
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18 Apr 2014, 10:10 pm

Im an NT and my husband is an Aspie. Best relationship I have ever been in! My previous relationships ere with NTs. I love my Aspie and the way we get along is amazing. It just depends on the people and if they are willing to respect each other as they are.



Cafeaulait
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28 Apr 2014, 4:43 pm

I am dating a guy with aspergers right now.
It's hard sometimes because there is mind blindeness on both sides.



ReverieMe
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28 Apr 2014, 4:58 pm

I've never been a fan of the idea that a couple needs to complete each other versus complement each other. We don't need to be good at everything. A person should be able to be whole on their own and fight their own battles, because to be otherwise is an unhealthy form of dependency on others. People turn to others to "fix" and "complete" them, anyway.

I'm in a relationship with an NT. I've occasionally been suspicious that he may be AS because of some of his childhood behaviors and his preoccupations, but it's probably the OCPD. Neither of us are social butterflies by a long stretch, but we've found ways to use our strengths and have always been concerned with not letting our weaknesses ruin our lives. I'm more creative and lighthearted while he's more intellectual and focused, but neither of us are a wreck without each other's strengths keeping us afloat.

If someone with Asperger's has trouble with something like keeping track of personal care, managing their emotions, or interacting with others, that's a matter of their personal well-being and not a significant other's responsibility.



minervx
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29 Apr 2014, 12:19 am

personally, i relate to nt girls more than aspie girls but i dont inherently prefer dating women from either side.



Klowglas
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29 Apr 2014, 12:54 am

Honestly, part of me feels that the higher force above us made aspies so they can have a nice little mutualistic relationship with NT's. :P



Cafeaulait
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29 Apr 2014, 4:48 am

Klowglas wrote:
Honestly, part of me feels that the higher force above us made aspies so they can have a nice little mutualistic relationship with NT's. :P


Poor NT´s.



Klowglas
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29 Apr 2014, 12:21 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
Honestly, part of me feels that the higher force above us made aspies so they can have a nice little mutualistic relationship with NT's. :P


Poor NT´s.


Nooo, it's the opposite. It gives them purpose in a way that's similar to a parent/child relationship, but they can have it on a more mature level.

NT's that can appreciate our difficulties are much more closer to unconditional love, and it's through that they find purpose, their seemingly simple and common abilities become extraordinary and uncommon to us, which makes them feel needed. Much like how a father's abilities might seems extraordinary to the child -- this same thing exists within us but on a mature level.



TornadoEvil
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29 Apr 2014, 1:48 pm

ReverieMe wrote:
If someone with Asperger's has trouble with something like keeping track of personal care, managing their emotions, or interacting with others, that's a matter of their personal well-being and not a significant other's responsibility.


This, more important than whether two people are Aspies or not. Still have trouble as hard as I try. There is also much more than whether a person is an aspie or not that defines them. Overall, it's perfectly possible, just you have to watch intentions and it you have to understand who is dependent on what for things to work out.



Cafeaulait
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30 Apr 2014, 9:33 am

Klowglas wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
Honestly, part of me feels that the higher force above us made aspies so they can have a nice little mutualistic relationship with NT's. :P


Poor NT´s.


Nooo, it's the opposite. It gives them purpose in a way that's similar to a parent/child relationship, but they can have it on a more mature level.

NT's that can appreciate our difficulties are much more closer to unconditional love, and it's through that they find purpose, their seemingly simple and common abilities become extraordinary and uncommon to us, which makes them feel needed. Much like how a father's abilities might seems extraordinary to the child -- this same thing exists within us but on a mature level.


Sounds horrible to me. I know many many many women that have dated AS man or are even married to them and complain like hell.