Stood up by an autistic girl

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I went out with a fascinating and clearly bright girl last week. We talked for quite a while, and during the course of the conversation she mentioned that she was autistic. I must confess to being more-or-less completely ignorant about autism. I told her I'd like to see her again, and she agreed. I arranged to meet her again last Saturday, but come Saturday all my messages went unanswered and I haven't heard from her since.

Normally, I would consider that behaviour rude, take it as a sign of disinterest, and leave it at that. My question is: might I be be misreading her because of her autism, and should I keep trying? At this point I'm not invested in the relationship. I have other options not the least of which being that I have no problem remaining single.

Has that Saturday come yet? If not, I would wait until that day and if she never shows up, maybe she forgot or she stood you up. She could have lost her phone so that could be why she isn't answering them. if you have any other way of contacting her like home phone or email, try that.

LOL, I could do with the answer to this one myself, up to a point, and am on a learning curve with this sort of thing right now Some autistic women (or those with ASD symptoms) can find it very hard to keep in touch and if you are less socially impaired than her (and since you seem to be saying you are NT, this would be the case) you might be tempted to wrongly assume that she's not making the same effort that you are.

However, this is a bit different in that this girl actually stood you up. So I suggest you give it until the following Saturday before assuming she's given up or changed her mind. If after that remaining single is an option for you, just do that.

Of course her difficulties may also be technical. Does she keep her cellphone on charge if she can't afford to run it all the time? Has she ever had internet connection problems? Maybe she just forgot and is embarrassed to contact you back.

Last edited by IKnowWhoIAmNow on 14 May 2014, 2:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

well, we are all different, but if it were me I would be feeling terrible anxiety. That's a good reason for not answering the messages or even showing up. Doesn't mean she is not interested! Keep trying

Ditto.

You could try sending a message later on, just a 'hi, wanna meet?' or something.

@the other posts: isn't it also important that people get the chance to show disinterest? It wouldn't be my way but I can imagine it is hers as she might not know a less rude way to communicate. Nevertheless I voted ''yes''. Aspies don't have their own social language like animals So I can't really tell. It can be either one.

Slight dilemma here, but one or two small messages can't do much harm... Good luck, OP

Welcome to the rejection club. I'm sorry, you seem like a really understanding guy, but people are people. I think you're a catch, if that helps.

Welcome to the rejection club. I'm sorry, you seem like a really understanding guy, but people are people. I think you're a catch, if that helps.

It is a very rude behavior and total lack of respect, autism doesn't justify it, she could simply say doesn't want or say that she's not interested or at least if she's shy she could text you saying she changed her mind.

If I was you I wouldn't talk to her again. If you stumble into her again then just treat her like any other complete stranger, don't even show that you recognize her face. Don't even approach her to say hi unless she says it first, don't even smile at her unless she does it first, otherwise just be total indifferent with her and don't boost any more arrogance into her head.

And delete/block her phone nb and any other online contact info you have (fb, skype...wtv) of her.

Reserve your self dignity.

I disagree. If you call an autistic child and she doesn't respond, you can't call it rude behavior. The same way many autistics don't do pm or answer cellphone messages, and that is okay, she did tell him she is autistic didn't she?
don't just ignore her, the worst thing you could do. I had lots of people I talked to ignoring me next time I saw them and that is just sad and confusing Because to be honest we don't know what we did to deserve that and feel very rejected. And our behavior is NOT arrogance!
just like if you are approaching a shy girl she may not react as usual and you have to insist a little bit more. She has to get used to you first. The same here, she may be feeling terrible anxiety and also not knowing how to answer the phone messages. If she liked you these feelings may even be worse. Just keep trying and when you see her go talk to her. If you don't bug her about the phone messages she is going to feel safe around you and feel free to be herself.

Last edited by linatet on 14 May 2014, 3:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

The user is called InsainoMan, so I guess she's an adult woman too, she's not a child and I don't think she's that low functional.

hmm I am answering based on my own behavior.. But maybe I wouldn't be considered adult woman as I am 19yo, more like a teenager probably.
but I don't think she is that high functioning as I think it is uncommon for a functioning person to tell people they still don't know right away they are autistic. If she did that she probably has noticeably weird behavior so she has to explain people it is autism. That is what I thought at least.
but I think my explanation might be true of her, anyway.

Simply look at your own signature, some autistics simply love to announce their autism at every chance because they are proud of it, you see that autie-snobbish attitude a lot in the general forum and they're not low functional.

This is a tough one. Do you know her at all, apart from the time spent together? I mean, do you see her around or such? She could well have had some personal/familial problem.

Otherwise I'd go with a few more polite, friendly, clear, non-pressured messages and leave her be.

Personally, I can go into all sorts of freeze-ups over contacting/replying to people I actually want to talk to. But I have also done the "I'm going to ignore you and hope you go away because I cannot deal with any ot his right now" thing. Such things are not my proudest moments, but they do happen.

I don't think "autism" should be confused with "stupid". It's more than likely she simply isn't interested.

Could have easily said yes because she felt uncomfortable saying no. For some people it's easier to reject in a "hide your head in the sand and hope they get the message" way.

I'm not saying It's acceptable, but it's what people do.
Guys do it to me all the time.

^this, I have rarely been to the point I cannot respond to someone but some people on the spectrum have that issue more severely and it was worse when I was younger, but yeah it had nothing to do with not wanting to more just not knowing how. Fairly recently I went a while without talking to this guy I met with and he started thinking i didn't want to see him again so I had to finally explain I was just under a lot of stress and needed some time but still wanted to get together again...still working on meeting up as he's been busy now. Also like another poster said she could have lost her phone, I lose things including phones pretty often and its frusterating especially when all the numbers you have are in the phone you lost.