How do I get over this person!?

Post Reply New Topic

I don't believe I have ever wanted to be romantically involved with others (at least,no not seriously). Yet, I have grown particularly fond of one of my friends from uni. I didn't even find him attractive or even that interesting when I first met him. It was simply the case that our friendship grew to such a point where my feelings were not platonic anymore.

It drove me nuts because he was in my head and I didn't really want him there, but I let him in anyway. I knew he didn't feel the same way for me. Trust me, he's very transparent and he would have told me sooner if he had even a tiny crush on me. He thinks he's a ladies man, y'see. Still, I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship. I felt that he at least deserved to know and, hell, I just wanted it out. So I told him. I think he was a tad shocked at first, but then realised that it wasn't really surprising. He told me that even though he didn't share those feelings for me, he still cared about me unconditionally. Started crying because I was so overwhelmed with joy. I never wanted my feelings to come between us.

Now, in retrospect, I don't know what to feel anymore. I just want us to goof around and be friends like we are already, but I'm scared that my feelings won't die down. I can't help it - I still feel romantically inclined towards him, but I love him as a friend as well. I'm scared I won't get over him and I hate it.

I thought that telling him would end it, but its just the beginning. I hate it. I never wanted this. Even if he did feel the same for me, I still don't want it. I don't want him in my head anymore. I don't anyone in my head but me.

Its overwhelming and I don't know why it has to be. I got what I wanted, but I can't stop crying. I'm not sad because I was rejected - that was a given - and I'm not sad because I feel like I need to be in a relationship - I actually think the idea is gross. I don't know if its perhaps tears of gratitude, as if I am thankful that someone has made me feel these intense emotions or if I'm crying because this is the countdown to the death of a beautiful friendship.

I don't know if I made the right decision.

I would avoid seeing him for 3 months. pref 6.

When I have unwanted feelings, I avoid the person for a while and kind of ignore the feelings until they go away. I acknowledge them, but don't dwell on them or nurture them. I don't COMPLETELY avoid the person--still interacting with the person the way I normally do can be very helpful in getting rid of those feelings (besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder...completely avoiding someone and thinking about it a lot can make those feelings get even stronger). Don't try too hard to squash the feelings away or they'll come back with a vengeance.

It may take a long time for those feelings to die down. Depending on how strong these feelings are, they may turn into this "deep commitment" thing that I have with some of my friends rather than just going away (which is what regular crushes do). Usually the first one takes a lot longer to get rid of than the second, but the second is more irrational and uncomfortable, at least in my experience. But don't worry! These things DO improve eventually.