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KazKazKaz
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17 Aug 2014, 12:55 pm

I'm wondering if I am non-romantic because of my difficulties to emotionally connect with people and replicate the same kind of romantic attachment they feel for me. I had what I thought was a crush on a guy in college that went on for months, butterflies in stomach whenever I saw him, etc., but when we actually started dating (my first relationship), I wasn't turned on by any intimate activities other than holding hands. Eventually I felt like I was just obsessed with him, and liked being around him (he was really interesting aesthetically and personality-wise), he broke up with me after a couple weeks because it was too much for him.

Second relationship was a year long and I felt like I just couldn't maintain emotional feelings for him, when we were apart and he wasn't immediately physically present I just forgot about him. He grew more attached to me and said he saw our love deepening ("absence makes the heart grow fonder") - I ended it because I didn't feel anything and thought it wasn't fair for him.

Third relationship which ended recently, also about a year long, same story as second, I started to not to feel anything and felt bad that I was leading her on.

I just feel like in general I can't sustain "romantic" attraction to people (I already identify I asexual) and am trying to figure out if the attractions I feel toward people are romantic or platonic or something else. I want to be close with people and hold hands, and maybe be very committed to each other in the sense of a strong supportive bond, but I don't know if this is necessarily romantic. I guess the closest word for it would be a bromance. :roll:



kraftiekortie
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18 Aug 2014, 8:09 am

My feeling is: is that you have lots of romance in you.

As for sex: you're probably just waiting for the "right person."

Nothing wrong with that.



Cafeaulait
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18 Aug 2014, 8:43 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
My feeling is: is that you have lots of romance in you.

As for sex: you're probably just waiting for the "right person."

Nothing wrong with that.


Agreed.



ClockWorkWonderer
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19 Aug 2014, 4:59 pm

Quote:
My feeling is: is that you have lots of romance in you.


Kraftiekortie, may I ask why you think this? Apologies if this seems rude to KazKazKaz(not my intention at all) but i'm genuinely interested as I could once upon a time relate to some of what's being described and it seems you have an interesting take on this.



Shebakoby
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19 Aug 2014, 6:13 pm

my experience is that "butterflies in stomach" is anxiety, not "romantic feelings".



kraftiekortie
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19 Aug 2014, 6:21 pm

I sense that Kaz Kaz enjoys romantic things like holding hands, cuddling, and just being with another person.

He, however, doesn't seem to enjoy the sexual aspects--which is a supposedly part of romance, but is not necessarily so.

This made me conclude that he waiting for the right person to go further than holding hands. He doesn't want to get more intimate than that until he is sure she's found the "right person." This is actually fairly common among humans--more than people think, actually.

If he were aromantic, I don't believe he would enjoy holding hands with another person. I don't think he would get "butterflies" when he sees someone whom she is attracted to (not necessarily sexually). He would just feel cold when he is holding hands with somebody, to the point where he would find it useless to hold hands with anybody.



fabzilla
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19 Aug 2014, 10:00 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
my experience is that "butterflies in stomach" is anxiety, not "romantic feelings".


LOL


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