Am I not even ready to have friends?

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I've just realized that I'm probably not ready for a relationship. I'm wondering about whether I'm even ready to make friends. Whenever I'm around people my age I just get awful social anxiety. Whenever I come close to making friends with someone, I distance myself. I want friends, but I'm not even sure if I'm ready for that. I have no idea how to even make myself ready for friends because my life is just so empty right now.

Common interests, Common interests, Common interests.

You seem all right, DevilKisses. I think you'll be happier if you made some friends, even online ones.

You don't have to have a "deep" relationship--just do give-and-take with your friends.

I am guessing you don't have any friends now? I say you have to keep going outside your comfort zone until you get used to it, it takes a long time, but after that its easy. The more you worry about it, it only gets worse. You can start with just trying to make friends with random people, there is no need to commit either, a lot of socializing is casual. And, try to ignore negative experiences, this is usually what creates social anxiety, but a lot of people are out there are positive.

btw this should probably be in the socializing forum

The only person who can answer that question is you. I believe though that if you want friends you?re ready for the first step which is to try and deal with whatever is stopping you from getting them. You see there are many different stages to friendship. 1. You have to approach someone. 2. Establish a connection. 3. Then you have to build it. 4. Then you have to maintain it. You can be ready for one step and not for the others in which case you just need to deal with whatever is complicating that step. It sounds like you?re struggling in between approaching people and making a connection with them. Social anxiety can devastatingly complicate these steps so face it and begin dismantling the problem



Originally when I was in the hospital for suicide one thing I was diagnosed with was social anxiety disorder. My biggest complication for social anxiety that I have discovered is that I have no clue what other people?s intentions are. The way I have always viewed the world is that everyone is inevitable going to try and kill me. So keep my distance, don?t give them a reason, and always remain aware of them. I have begun to deal with this by finally realizing that the way I view the world and the way others do is vastly different. Other people don?t think about killing me perhaps there is even a vast separation between what they actually think and this probability. It has become a focal point of discussion with my therapist. She?s much better at explaining it than I am but apparently humans can live their entire lives without thinking of or intending to kill anyone. This helps me manage myself when approaching others.

Why do you get social anxiety?

You could meet new people at a local anime convention! Its kinda how I meet some of my friends.

When you have a lot of anxiety, I think that a lot of gentle and slow exposure can help reduce it. Start with situations that give you the least anxiety, repeat them until you've gained comfort in them, and then move on to a slightly more challenging one.

Doing an activity that you enjoy in a group of people instead of by yourself might be a good way to apply that "ease in" process. Maybe, for you, it is simple as using computers in public libraries instead of at home, as a place to start, since there wouldn't be any expectation of actual interaction.