How To React With an Aspie Love

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I really love an aspie, he is a wonderful guy, but sometimes the over reacting to things can be really difficult to deal with. He snaps my head off for sometimes really small things, which I know are prolly very big to him, but I'm someone who has been emotionally abused before so I tend to back away which makes him more irritable. I try to talk to him but it feels like no matter what I say he gets more annoyed. I can however see in his eyes that it bothers him when he sees that he is making me sad, like he feels guilty about it.

I'm not sure what to do, I know its difficult for him too, but its really hard for me because I have to really control my emotions at every single minute of the day so that it doesn't effect him negatively. He'll say I'm yelling at him when I don't think I am, but I know that Aspies tend to be more sensitive in senses too.....

I want him to be happy, but I feel like I cant do anything right for him....I cant really talk to him because if I bring up something that bothers me there is a good chance all I'll get is an annoyed ''whatever''. He feels very comfortable with me, but I think he wants and expects perfection, which I can't give, I wish I could, but I can't.

I'm sorry, I hope my post makes sense, my mind is all over the place today. I just really need some kind of help, and some reassurance I guess of some sort that I'm doing ok. I've looked up stuff online, but the irritability that he has doesn't get brought up in the aspie stuff I've seen, the articles just kinda make it seem like he would be timid, so they don't really help me figure out how best to work with him to either keep him from becoming so irritated and stressed, or how I can keep myself from becoming too overwhelmed or frustrated.

Is the over reacting and getting really angry about stuff pretty typical, and what are some good ways to handle it?

Are there any thoughts on how best to deal with him changing his mind on what he wants? He will say he wants something done NOW, but then shortly after I begin he will want me to do something else instead, which confuses me and irritates him when he realizes the first thing never got done.

He sounds like me (Im really sorry Tom!)

My best advice is to be frank and blunt at all times and tell him in exactly what way he is crossing boundaries.

I think it would be really helpful to remind him when he is doing the irritated thing or bossing- 'your giving me a task again' or 'your raising your voice, speak quieter' etc as I find it hard to remember my flaws and hard to keep them in check and slip into automode.

also I have a touch of OCDPD so it may be helpful to you to look up stuff abut that

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive% ... y_disorder

http://ocpd.freeforums.org/

Love is something which is very precious and every one cannot be successful in love.

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I don't think snapping is an Aspie characteristic. More common would be for an Aspie to hold in anger and then have a meltdown over a change in their routine, etc. Or, they might just withdraw and become distant.

One of the issues Aspies can have is sleep due to issues with over stimulation, racing thoughts, etc. Maybe he's not getting enough sleep?

I don't generally snap at people. I can be grumpy, moody, etc. but this seems like his behavior is going well beyond that. This is not behavior you should be constantly exposed to, especially since you've been in an abusive relationship.

You might want to consider couples counseling. I don't think this should be completely attributed to Asperger's.