Financial stability questions

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What do you consider financially stable and able to take care of you as a provider?

For this little exercise, let's assume that one of your criteria for someone you would date is that they must be financially stable as well as have & make enough money to be able to take care of you, leaving you with the freedom to work away at whatever it is you want to do and spend your income on whatever you want to, i.e. your car, tuition, travelling, or whatever your interests are.

Put some numbers to it. How much cash/assets? What income level? Or is it simply a matter of food/clothing/shelter paid for & anything else is gravy? Or is it more of a number of months expenses in savings sort of metric for you? Or some other criteria?

I'm just curious what others consider to be financially stable and/or a "provider's" level income. I sometimes see people write in personal ads the they're "financially stable," or "financially sound," or something of that nature & I've wondered what they mean by that exactly as everyone's idea of that may be different from one another's. Someone might consider having $100 left at the end of the month to be amazingly well off, someone else might not be interested in dating someone who earned less than $100K/year, and someone else yet might not consider someone well off enough to provide for them unless they were a millionaire. Same thing with people who post personal ads or dating profiles saying that they're financially stable.. I wonder what they mean by it - by what criteria they figure they're doing well enough financially to make that claim.

Personally, I have more money now than I've ever had, but I still don't feel financially stable or sound yet. Maybe I should feel more financially stable than I do. That's why it'll be interesting to read your responses and kind of gauge from them how I should perceive myself and my current financial situation.. as well as, I'm not gonna lie, how others might perceive me right now. I wouldn't want to declare myself "financially stable," if there turns out to be a bit of a consensus on what exactly constitutes financial stability if I haven't met those criteria with my income level/savings/assets yet.

And yes, I know that ages & locations are going to skew things. Younger people in inexpensive locales might consider a relatively low income/cash bass as financially stable as it covers expenses and life for a lot longer duration in an area where money goes further. Older people in port cities with expensive real estate might have higher expectations of potential partners' incomes and assets. I'll take all of those things into consideration when reading and contemplating replies. I get full well that there's plenty of grey area here, that there aren't just black and white numbers that work for everyone everywhere, but at least your responses give me some reference points to go from.

For me it would be an income above 20K and net worth above 50 (under age 30) or above 100 (over age 30), and some sort of skill or degree, as well as passive income of at least $100 a month or so, in case you lose your job. Although I don't specifically look for someone financially stable, this is where I'm at right now and what I consider to be decently financially stable.

I just read that men who own their own home are considered 3 times more attractive than men who do not. As you mentioned, it would differ in different parts of the country. I would say 6 months of expenses in completely liquid assets. Passive income, even only $100 a month is good. You will need to have enough to budget in transportation housing, clothing, utilities, taxes, insurance, medical insurance, food, a couple hundred a month to invest for retirement, a couple hundred a month for stuff that comes up, and a few hundred a month for having fun. I would call this financially responsible because financially stable could be taken as being on the wealthy side.

I would stay living with the folks as long as possible while accumulating money[and pay them something, clean up after yourself, and do tons of yard work] I mean, if you saved enough for a down on a modest duplex, you could qualify for an FHA loan as long as you lived in the other unit. Or rent them both out, and pay the sucker off ASAP. Theres your home for, free and clear, and residual income.

Women, in general love men with assetts. It helps to look good too. I have never [well, twice] seen a man who could not make himself into an attractive man.

Interesting response.

Above $20K income.. well, considering approx $20K/year Net is considered the poverty line for a single person I would think that an income of over $20K/year take home is kind of a given. $20K Net is approximately a $12.xx/hr full time job. That's not an income level I would consider "provider," level at all.

Interesting that you set the income/cash flow bar so low & then have asset levels relatively high in comparison. $50K isn't an unreasonable net worth to expect of someone who's been financially responsible for a few years in their 20's, but it's interesting that as soon as you go from 29 to 30yo the bar raises two-fold to $100K. I'm 31 years old, so it's interesting to know that from your perspective the bar has been significantly raised at this stage of the game.

It's also interesting that you thought to include a criteria of having passive income of some sort, although I wouldn't consider $100/month as much of a cushion should someone lose their job. It's not like that's going to replace employment income.

Not to be rude, but overall I kind of think your response is a bit all over the map. Poverty level income is acceptable so long as you've got six figures int he bank and $100/mo coming in in case you lose your job... those numbers don't exactly add up.

I'm sure that holds true about home ownership. It makes me wonder what the stats are here, locally. I live in the 2nd least affordable real estate market on the face of the earth. So, those that do own (not me) may be considered significantly more attractive.. however, since it's so damned expensive, people may not expect others to own anymore and it might not be such a negative stigma to be renting since so many people here cannot afford to buy anymore. But still, it's universally true that owning = more attractive than not for sure.

6 months worth of living expenses. Interesting metric - definitely not an unreasonable criteria. I'm familiar with what monthly bills cost and need to be taken into consideration.

I'm currently living with my folks in order to save up money and get my life together better. So far so good. It's working. I'm working. I'm saving/investing.. but to save up enough for a duplex? That's a lofty goal. A cheap one in the suburbs would be well over half a million dollars unless it's a total piece of crap. And I've seen a half a duplex for sale for $10M in one of the pricier downtown neighbourhoods. A down payment for a several hundred thousand dollar duplex in the suburbs is still a significant chunk of change to save up. Not impossible, but it would certainly take a healthy income & financial discipline to do so. I'd say that in MOST parts of the world it would be more reasonable to have this goal or expectation, but I tend to think the bar shouldn't be set that high here considering just how expensive real estate is compared to local incomes. Besides, with the possibility that the real estate market could come down or even crash, it might be even more financially responsible for someone to rent anyways. There are many renters here who have sizeable net worths and many who believe the market will come down and thus don't buy because they believe it's the smarter move.

While I tend to agree that assets & looking good are both great for attraction, I really couldn't care less specifically what women love.. because I'm gay. But I still appreciate your response because it's still applicable - save for the part about caring what women like in a man.

I think it's different to every individual. I was reading a women's magazine I found lying around at my sister's house and one of the articles had an experience of one couple who were arguing about financial stuff. The woman thought that the man wasn't ambitious, he was earning £13000 a year, but was doing a job he loved, a sound engineer or something like that. She was more "ambitious" which I read as focussed on money, and thought it was time for him to stop playing and get a real job. She was earning more than him.

I thought, what's this guy doing with her, he should be with me. I view ambition as reaching out for a job you enjoy and doing something that makes you happy. I would rather be a low paid sound engineer than work in a bank or lawyers office.

My boss occassionaly asks me if everything is ok with the job I have and is worried I'll go for an interview for a higher paying job, but I really do enjoy my job and I'd rather live on this wage and want to get up and go to work than have more money and dread waking up every morning.

I genuinely believe that 2 people earning £13000 each could have a comfortable life. There would be enough to pay rent/mortgage, heating bills, electric, car payments and enough left over to enjoy, but then I'm a skinflint and buy most of my clothes off ebay and have one of the smallest most economical cars on the market.

I don't see owning a house as a must. I am happy to rent, that way if the roof needs fixing or the boiler breaks down, it's the landlord's pocket that takes the hit, not mine. I've moved around alot and don't need a permenant home. The most I've ever lived in one house is 6years. I can't imagine living in the same house for over 20 years. I like renting because I can give the landlord 2 months notice and leave and go wherever I want. I'm not tied to anything.

*edit, I don't live in an expensive area. In London I understand that rents and mortgages are higher, but personally I would never choose to live somewhere expensive. I live a couple of hundred miles away from the rest of my family.

^ This is a typical scenario when a woman has an income way higer than her man.

Income definitely does come into it. As does net value.

Though arguably ambition is somewhat confused with greed and materialism in the job world. IMO it's more ambitious to find a way of providing for yourself doing a job you love, than to trick your way into any old job that will pay you the most money and in return provide you with a miserable existence.

I consider "financially stable" to be someone who is able to comfortably live on their own with no outside assistance. By "comfortably", I mean being able to pay all of the bills, and then still have some money left over at the end of the month to either have fun or to put in savings. When I was living in an area that was relatively cheap to live in, I was about to live quite comfortably on $28k a year. In a more expensive area, however, I doubt that I could even afford rent on that salary, much less food or entertainment.

I like this, but I would add "consistently". That is, they have a regular, stable income and some savings for emergencies (2-3 months) or an irregular, but higher income with a higher level of savings (6-12 months) to compensate. The savings don't have to be all liquid, as long as you can access them by the time you need them.

For a "provider" I think the basic principle is the same, but the income/savings required have to be higher to support the extra people.

Being ambitious is related, but separate. Some people can earn enough to be financially stable without being ambitious. Some can't earn enough even if they are ambitious. It does help, though. By the way, I agree that "ambition" doesn't have to mean "ambition to earn as much money as possible".

I've managed to earn more than that recently (at jobs I enjoy), but with project based jobs.. so no long term stability - once a project wraps up, I'm looking for a job again. Fortunately I've been able to find something pretty much right away in recent times so I don't have long gaps w/o income & hope to never be involuntarily unemployed again.

The part of your post that stuck out was being a skinflint - I've become so incredibly frugal over the last few years or so. I buy almost all of my clothing at thrift stores, especially work clothes. Why pay $$ for clothes that are going to get ruined doing dirty work when I can go buy a pair of jeans and 15 t-shirts for ~$50 on half price day at the local thrift store? Also, my last car was free and I drove it for 5 months until it died. Then I bought my current one for $700 & spent $200 repairing it myself. It gets 32mpg (us g) and just keeps going & going like the energizer bunny.. I've put about 9,000kms on it the last few months and it's up to 442,000kms now. The only downside to this old econo-beater is other peoples' perceptions of it. It wouldn't make a great impression if I were using it doing a sales job or something as people would take one look at my car and feel wasn't successful. On that note, I kind of wonder if the one person I want to know I'm doing better financially thinks I'm flat broke because of what I'm driving.. meanwhile the only reason I'm driving it is so that I can stack cash and invest it so that I never have to be poor again. I saw his father recently & was able to work into conversation that I'm doing much better financially now than I have been, so maybe that message will get relayed to his son in some way or another and he'll realize I'm driving this shitbox not because I'm broke but so I'm never broke again. Time will tell. I might have to somehow communicate that message myself.

I have a younger cousin that earns approx $100K/year and has always bought his clothes at thrift shops and spends nearly nothing on anything ever. His dad/grandmother were that way and it's just ingrained in him. I don't want to be quite AS frugal as he is. Sometimes you've gotta spend some money here and there and enjoy it, but it's interesting to learn to be even more frugal from people who are extremely frugal.

I also have a friend that earns more than three times what my cousin does and he and his family still buy their clothes at thrift shops and swap meets like they always have since when they were struggling to pay their bills. It allows them to spend money on other things in life like cars/mortgage/travel/savings etc. I see no problem with this.. whereas my father never really shopped at thrift stores as he felt that doing so was for people that Needed to and if he did it he'd be taking inexpensive stuff from people who needed it to get by. I can kind of see his point, but now I see thrift store shopping as an intelligent way to get ahead in life vs. throw your money away on retail margins of overpriced textiles.

Being as frugal as I've become, and working my ass off, has allowed me to be on pace to match my brother's savings that took him several years to build up (even though he earns more than me, he spend a lot more than me) in a little over 1 year's time. It feels good to be rapidly catching up to my peers now & at this pace and level of frugality, especially once my income increases, I ought to be able to surpass his/others' net worths relatively quickly. A few years from now things should look dramatically better.

Very well put.

I am earning more than I have in recent years, but not the most I ever have, nor the most I ever will.. but I'm also doing work I enjoy doing that's building skills and experience for the business I intend to launch in stages over the next few years. Since I have a long term business/career plan, I'm opting to do work I'm much more passionate about doing than to simply do what will earn me the most money in the short run. It all works out in the long run since the end business plan will be more lucrative than anything else I've ever done, anyways.

But yeah, a nice reminder to pursue a work that you're passionate about, and a nice reminder to me that I am on that path already. The reason it's particularly nice is that the one person I want to know I'm on a much better path to financial stability also likes the trait in others that they do something they're passionate about, whatever it happens to be, whether work/money related or not. Thanks for the reminder that I'm also well on my way along this path, too, and that that should also score me some points.

Well Goldfish21 you sound like a man with a plan and personally I think that's a good thing.

I like cashiering. most don't consider this a real job though. I don't know what I am going to which I guess means I have no ambition. I think i do have it though as I keep trying to find work even though I don't have to.

as to the question Idk. I am and will be happy with paying my bills and have extra money to support my hobbies.

How long is a piece of string?
How much money do you actually need to put food on the table and a roof over your head?
One person's pocket change would be like a fortune to the next.

Financially stable-
Able to comfortably afford basic living costs and necessities, not up to the eyeballs in debt that was used to buy depreciating assets. Net savings increasing even marginally in order to provide funds for retirement.

Able to take care of you as a provider-
As in able to provide for a family and support them financially? Or to be a sugar daddy to a spoiled little princess for whom shopping is a form of recreation?
I think you'll find people's attitudes vary widely in this regard, considering how materialistic and shallow our society has become.

As far as meeting a partner goes I see financial criteria as completely irrelevant. Both parties should be pulling their own weight to support themselves financially. I see absolutely nothing romantic at all in the thought of being used as a walking wallet for someone too lazy to provide for themselves. My partner and I both work in reasonable jobs, own our own homes and pay for all of our own expenses. We choose not to have children so the "provider" role is irrelevant.

If I did choose to have children I would take on the role as financial provider to the family, however whether I would be a good dad has absolutely nothing to do with how much money I earn. It's surprising how little money you need to get by when you live in a house filled with love.

It's great that you are frugal. I have several gay friends who tell me that appearance tends to be more important in the gay world. I only mention this because so many Autistics do not put much effot into grooming and presentation.

Being a nudist, I ussually wear no clothing. When I do it's either raggedy old rags or upscale clothing. I do not often go to regular thrift stores, but I do go to the upscale designer consignment shops. I love Chico's and Eileen Fisher [yes, I am older than dirt] but they are too expensive to buy retail. I can get them for a decent price at a consignment shop. In the long run, I do not feel that I spend more on my clothing than I would at a regular thrift shop because of the quality of the clothing, and because I can bring them back to the thriftstore and sell them on consignment.

If you are "out and proud" AND somewhat on the feminine side, might I suggest a "Goddess Party." Everyone brings a snack [either extremely healthy or extremely decadent, nothing in between] gives each other manis and pedis and massages. Everyone also brings lightly used nice clothing they no longer wear an everyone trades clothing. Leftover clothing goes to a local shelter. It's a fun way to get pampered and new clothing on the cheap.