is the social status of people who ask you out in jeopardy?

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Shebakoby
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15 Jun 2014, 2:44 am

Usually AS people have so little social standing in general, that it would seem to me that the largest reason they don't get asked out (in instances where it is the norm to be asked out rather than doing the asking), or the reason people reject an AS person that did ask them, is because their social standing would be at great risk. As in they'd get ridiculed or the target of the same kind of bullying/teasing/what have you that AS people automatically get.

Of course for this to qualify for a reason the person who may have even had an interest has to be ...well....I don't want to say "coward", but that's the closest thing I can think of, in which case, anyone deterred by social standing ain't worth it anyway.



hale_bopp
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15 Jun 2014, 2:59 am

I think this is very real.

And it was one of the reasons I didn't have boyfriends at school. One of the cool boys liked me but didn't want to risk his social status.
It still happens to me this day.

As far as I'm concerned these people are weak minded, shallow and pathetic, you're better off without them, with someone willing to accept you for who you are, or no-one at all.



Shebakoby
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15 Jun 2014, 3:08 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I think this is very real.

And it was one of the reasons I didn't have boyfriends at school. One of the cool boys liked me but didn't want to risk his social status.
It still happens to me this day.

As far as I'm concerned these people are weak minded, shallow and pathetic, you're better off without them, with someone willing to accept you for who you are, or no-one at all.


yup

Though you'd think that kids in their 30s would be leaving the high school mentality behind them...



hale_bopp
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15 Jun 2014, 4:19 am

Shebakoby wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I think this is very real.

And it was one of the reasons I didn't have boyfriends at school. One of the cool boys liked me but didn't want to risk his social status.
It still happens to me this day.

As far as I'm concerned these people are weak minded, shallow and pathetic, you're better off without them, with someone willing to accept you for who you are, or no-one at all.


yup

Though you'd think that kids in their 30s would be leaving the high school mentality behind them...


A lot of people never actually grow up.



Shebakoby
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15 Jun 2014, 12:17 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I think this is very real.

And it was one of the reasons I didn't have boyfriends at school. One of the cool boys liked me but didn't want to risk his social status.
It still happens to me this day.

As far as I'm concerned these people are weak minded, shallow and pathetic, you're better off without them, with someone willing to accept you for who you are, or no-one at all.


yup

Though you'd think that kids in their 30s would be leaving the high school mentality behind them...


A lot of people never actually grow up.


I've noticed that XD
I just never expected that phenomenon to be so widespread :P



TheSpectrum
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15 Jun 2014, 12:29 pm

Shebakoby - In a nutshell, yes.



cberg
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15 Jun 2014, 1:41 pm

Life can be pretty reflexive, I know a girl whose' social status I've no doubt influenced however I wouldn't say negatively... On the spectrum we can be trendsetters just as easily as scapegoats.


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Azereiah
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15 Jun 2014, 10:11 pm

It seems like a person's social status is most at risk when they ask out someone with a publicly known diagnosis, or who is publicly known to be "not normal". Doesn't just apply to autism, applies to any diagnosis at all.



hale_bopp
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16 Jun 2014, 1:59 am

Azereiah wrote:
It seems like a person's social status is most at risk when they ask out someone with a publicly known diagnosis, or who is publicly known to be "not normal". Doesn't just apply to autism, applies to any diagnosis at all.


It's not even about that. If you're not "cool" they won't, even if they like you. Happened to me 12 years ago, happened to me this year, it's very common to meet people like that.



Sweetleaf
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16 Jun 2014, 2:45 am

Most likely, if they have social status to begin with....


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elkclan
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16 Jun 2014, 7:01 am

I don't suppose I really care that much about 'social status' but I do like to have friends. After years of being married to an ASD man, I'm kinda tired of his social anxiety and not being invited to couples' events because he's doesn't fit in well and he complains about going or just doesn't show up.

Most people don't just want an intimate partner, they want a partner who can fit in with the wider spectrum of fun, including socialising with friends and family.



GiantHockeyFan
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16 Jun 2014, 7:29 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I think this is very real.

And it was one of the reasons I didn't have boyfriends at school. One of the cool boys liked me but didn't want to risk his social status.
It still happens to me this day.

As far as I'm concerned these people are weak minded, shallow and pathetic, you're better off without them, with someone willing to accept you for who you are, or no-one at all.


Yes, I can say with 100% confidence that's why no girls would give me the time of day in school. That and the persistent gay rumours since I thought (and still do) with my brain and wasn't interested in a hook up. They are pathetic and that is why I spent most of my 20s alone. With "friends" like that who needs enemies.



Deuterium
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16 Jun 2014, 10:18 am

hale_bopp wrote:
As far as I'm concerned these people are weak minded, shallow and pathetic, you're better off without them, with someone willing to accept you for who you are, or no-one at all.

^ 1,000%

I feel that often people get down about things that aren't completely bad. We get down about how many people won't like us or acknowledge out existence, how many of them won't want to associate with us because of some quirk we have, how many people are only nice to us when they want something from us.

At face-value this all seems bad, and at face value it is - people deserve some base level of respect whether we find them attractive or not. But there is a value beyond that, on the 'bigger picture' - these people who look down on you are doing work for you. They're unintentionally working to show you how much they don't deserve you. It isn't a matter of having a big ego to say that, either; it's a matter of demanding respect from anyone who would be in a relationship with you - which is a reasonable and very healthy demand.

You deserve someone who acknowledges you and wants to associate with you, and who always makes efforts to be nice to you (or would apologize if they realized they weren't) because they would hate knowing that they hurt you. If someone isn't doing that kind of stuff outside of a relationship then it's almost guaranteed they would not within one.

The only thing you've lost when someone looks down on you for your social standing is someone who wasn't worth your time, who a relationship would never have worked out with. In essence, you have lost nothing of value.



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16 Jun 2014, 11:20 am

elkclan wrote:
I don't suppose I really care that much about 'social status' but I do like to have friends. After years of being married to an ASD man, I'm kinda tired of his social anxiety and not being invited to couples' events because he's doesn't fit in well and he complains about going or just doesn't show up.

Most people don't just want an intimate partner, they want a partner who can fit in with the wider spectrum of fun, including socialising with friends and family.


This is true. My old boyfriend came to town and we went to lunch. I had told him I did not want to see him and wanted him to remember me as I was but that does not register with him. I went, he was nice, I tried to be pleasant company. He said his family wanted me to come over the next day for a family gathering. I just kind of lost it. I said there was no way. Now his feelings are hurt, their feelings are probably hurt. I feel like an ogre/ogress. He has to explain to his family. I am just so loathe to spend time (especially a lot of time) with people. I would rather be the bad person, but that leaves him with the problem.


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Shebakoby
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19 Jun 2014, 3:13 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Most likely, if they have social status to begin with....


well I'm sure that the ones that may not even have significant social status at least have enough that they aren't bullied, or aren't bullied as much, and are afraid associating with a major target will put a big ol' bullseye on their back.



goldfish21
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19 Jun 2014, 10:34 pm

I suppose it could have been in the past, but not really anymore now that I'm healthier & wealthier than I've ever been before. I'm getting physically stronger, mentally sharper, and much more financially stable. My social interactions with others are fine & improving. There's not too much about me that would bring a partner's social status down anymore save for the fact that I'm living with family at the moment and drive a 24 year old shitbox honda civic - both of which are strategic in order to build up some more money.


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