Able to turn my feelings on and off like a light switch.

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I'm seeing for myself that ever since I started dating more-or-less regularly at age 23, I've always had very strong control over my romantic feelings. I'd fall in love very fast, in as little as a day, and fall out of love equally fast. That is, once it was clear that a girl truly, genuinely, 100% liked me, and she was someone I could see myself dating, (ding!) my feelings for her would activate, and I'd be thinking about her in a romantic context, such as going for a night on the town, taking a vacation together, and planning perfect special occasion gifts. Similarly, if I find out that girl I like doesn't like me back, or previously liked me and lost interest, any feelings I had for her vanish almost instantly, like they were never there. I immediately delete her number, and move on. The only time when my feelings don't go away this quickly is when parting ways is a given, like debarkation at the end of a cruise where I had a fling.

I have two theories for this:

First is the teenage rejection theory. I hit puberty at age 13 or so. Girls picked up on that, and started messing with me mercilessly by faking romantic interest, only to later reveal that they were lying. I wouldn't say my heart was being broken, but it kept getting chipped away. Within two short years, I pretty much knew no girl will ever like me, and abandoned all hope. Imagine how happy I was, when at age 17, a cute girl showed real romantic interest in me. She even said yes when I asked her out. But when I told her I didn't have a car, she broke the date, and my heart along with it. Less than a year later, at age 18, another girl went on a date with me, without a car; imagine that! We hung out together for a month after that, but never kissed, which I attributed to her being shy. But when I took her dancing, she didn't want to dance close, like in an embrace. That's when it hit me: She didn't like me the whole time! Another broken heart, despite my lack of physical attraction to her. Because of these experiences, I had no choice but to learn to control my romantic feelings like a computer. I learned to do it so well during my teen years, that I still cannot unlearn it at age 31.

Second is the family love theory. When I was 10 or so, my family would frequently say this to me: "When a person is ten years old, people love him for a reason, not just because." I'm not sure what that "reason" was: I figured that for me, it was good grades in school, doing what I'm told at home, keeping my room spotlessly clean, etc. I came to a conclusion that I had to keep giving reasons to keep the love switch on. When the reasons stopped, love turns off. So in my mind, my parents had the ability to turn their love toward me on and off. Fast-forward to when I can actually find dates. I seem to have carried over the same mentality to romantic love. When the girl gives me a reason to be interested (or "love"), my interest sets in. When the reason stops, the interest deactivates. So far, the only "reason" is the girl being sexually interested in me. Basically, my interest waxes and wanes in sync with hers. When she likes me, she becomes a person worth being with. When she doesn't, she becomes just another person in my life, and it's up to me to either be friends or politely say "take care". If I choose to be friends, I'm well aware there is no hope of dating, ever.

But I'm sure those aren't the only explanations. And I'm sure I can't be the only aspie guy with that ability. Care to share other explanations you might have, and/or share if you have that ability too?

I remember one person telling me once "You can't just turn your feelings on and off... like a switch. You can't just switch between the two." Yet the interesting thing is it seemed that she could do it effortlessly herself. I choose not to over-think what happened, but I do remember hearing that. That was over a year ago.

I do know that once I am rejected by someone, I never think about dating that person again, and i usually never initiate any sort of contact with that person either. When I don't initiate contact after, the other person usually thinks, and I have been told this too, "well, I guess he never cared about me. He can't even fight to keep me. I guess I will go find someone else." I was unaware I was supposed to chase someone that dumped me or rejected me. Sometimes they may contact me wondering why I don't talk to them anymore.

As for family stuff... Many people have a tendency to use other people for things they have or things they can do for them. I wouldn't call that family stuff at all. Family will at least listen to me when I voice concerns and not be expecting me to do something for them later on. What you say there sounds more like a business partnership, ie. "You have this and I have this. You do this for me and I will give you that."

my feelings, more often than not, turn ME on and off like a light switch.

I got a similar thing. Except:

I am long to fall in love. It really is a switch on thing but it takes me long to decide to hit the switch. I need a lot of time to get know the person and realize he/she is worth it. Then I let myself fall in love.

I need some time to get rid of all the feelings. My decision is a switch off to them and once I switch it off I would never go back to the relationship but the switch won't remove all the emotions. I imagine it as making a dam - the emotions, just like huge water are there, behind the dam and I can hear them splashing but the dam is strong so my mind is save and I can move on without thinking much about the emotions.

I voted inbetween as I can turn my feelings off quite easily, but not on again. I see this as simply a coping mechanism I've formed from the amount of rejections I've faced in life, mostly from friendships as I've always preferred close ones.

I can still show interest in a person just out of curiosity rather than from romance. When I need to back off from someone, I can't do it without switching off my feelings for them. Once it's happened, I'm unable to view them in the same romantic light again. Hence, I absolutely need to date someone straight-forward and who doesn't hold back, or it just won't work. Since men tend to hold back at some point, I feel the prospects of a relationship for me are hopeless.

I'm naturally needy, but as soon as I see the signs to back off (which can take a while since nobody is that blunt) I jump at the opportunity. Sometimes I misread it as I don't trust people enough, and I need reassurance. I don't even need much reassurance, just *some*. I switch off my feelings to stop me coming to a standstill (from the feeling of total rejection, and the resulting depression). When I'm rejected and I don't switch off my feelings beforehand, I can lay in bed for days/weeks unable to do anything except the basics. I can't look after myself either. It ruins my world. Thankfully it hasn't happened for years because of this coping mechanism.

That is an amazing, and very useful, ability. I can only wish I was like that, but I'm definitely not.