Is it Love OR Like?

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Joined: 5 Sep 2013
Age: 51
Gender: Male
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Location: England, UK

27 Jun 2014, 6:43 pm

I have discovered that it can be very difficult to know if I like someone, or if I Love someone.

To me, Love is defined in this scenario:
You are both walking across a road with traffic. You suddenly see a vehicle speeding which will hit the other person.
Love would be if you gave the other person a shove to move them out of the oncoming vehicles trajectory, which would then result in you being hit by the vehicle instead (as you'd be standing where they previously were before you pushed/shoved them out of the way).

I have strong feelings for someone, but it is VERY confusing. Part of me hates them because they have sent me "mixed messages" by their actions versus their txts. On the other hand I want to hug and kiss them, hold hands, and just be intimate with them.

Both the other person & myself are diagnosed with aspergers, but the other person appears to have a lower EQ than me.

I've not felt such feelings for someone since 19 years ago.

The thing is that I can't tell if I Love them because they aren't fully open with me, and present themselves to me in a way that they would like me to see rather than who they really are.

Has anyone else struggled with whether they Love or Like someone?

What is Love? (Is it just Oxytocin?)

I feel that this person and myself are so simular. When we get overloaded we do all the same things, and I understand them. I want to hug them but they are afraid. I'd even like to kiss them, but then I am afraid that the Oxytocin that that will release will make me like them even more when they may not feel the same way.

_________________
We, the people on the Autistic Spectrum have a choice.
We can either try to "fit in" with the rest of society, or we can be so egocentric that we can't be bothered.
I choose the actor. I observe NT's. I listen to their socializing. I practice it, so in social situations I can just emulate/mimic what is expected.
It isn't natural for me, but it enables me to "fit in".
It is VERY tiring and draining, but at least we can appear like them even though it is an act. Like being on the stage.
They can't see it is emulation, and so we are accepted.

Logan5
Deinonychus

Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 398
Location: Sanctuary

02 Jul 2014, 2:37 pm

Although I have been in several romantic relationships during my life, I am not sure if I have ever been in love. In fact, I am not sure what love is.

Nevertheless, I recently stumbled across the following article. This section may be of some interest.

Quote:

"In a romantic context, some essential characteristics that fit the description of a loving relationship include:
. Expressions of affection, both physical and emotional.
. A wish to offer pleasure and satisfaction to another.
. Tenderness, compassion, and sensitivity to the needs of the other.
. A desire for shared activities and pursuits.
. An appropriate level of sharing of possessions.
. An ongoing, honest exchange of personal feelings.
. The process of offering concern, comfort, and outward assistance for the loved one's aspirations.
Love includes feeling for the other that goes beyond any selfishness or self-interest on the part of the loved one. As such, love nurtures and has a positive effect on each person's self-esteem and sense of well-being. Love never involves deception, because misleading another person fractures his or her sense of reality.
So how well do we meet these standards for being loving? When we think about a relationship that is meaningful to us, we have to ask:
. Do we both behave in ways that nurture each other?
. Do we take actions to make the other person feel good?
. Do we consider what lights that person up, separate from our own interests?"

- "What it Really Means to Be in Love", http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/com ... be-in-love

StarCity
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02 Jul 2014, 3:03 pm

Logan5 wrote:

Many thanks Logan5.

At the moment I consider Love to be an Attachement induced by a neurochemical surge of Oxytocin. Thus inducing "bonding".

Eureka13
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02 Jul 2014, 3:31 pm

Meh. It's a lot easier to say "I love you" than it is to say "I'm addicted to the oxytocin surges that being with you produces."

StarCity
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03 Jul 2014, 2:36 pm

Eureka13 wrote:

Meh. It's a lot easier to say "I love you" than it is to say "I'm addicted to the oxytocin surges that being with you produces."

I don't know.
What I'd say is "When I'm with you and we touch my brain produces oxytocin, and it feels good. This has resulted in me bonding with you".
The reason I'd say that is because that is what would be actually going on. It's the Truth.
It is far better to say the Truth.

DW_a_mom
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04 Jul 2014, 2:17 pm

You know you love someone when things that might have been a huge irritation with someone else, are suddenly only minor ones.

You know you love someone when it makes you happy and peaceful to spend time with them.

You know you love someone when you trust them. Instead of obsessing over when they might call you next, you trust that they will, and any delay has a reason to it.

_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).

alexisforger
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