I still don't feel ready to date aynone

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I've been working out pretty much all summer, and I gave myself a body I can be proud of. Just a few weeks ago I got a job with steady income. When I look in the mirror every morning I see a man who just looks plain more handsome then he did a year ago. My mind though, my brain, it's just not in the right place though. Granted I hardly have violent thoughts anymore, I've learned to think before I speak better, but I haven't gotten all that much better at talking to girls, and a lot of the time my mind will (among many other things) turn to sex. Not in a forceful, or erotic way though, when I think of sex with a woman it's in a very loving manner. I've been meditating using a combination of various techniques from various cultures, but I've found Native American meditations to be the most helpful, yet meditation still yields little answers to my love life. I can only come to the conclusion that (romantic) love is one of the most chaotic forces in the universe, never really giving us any answer, only leaving us in the penultimate quarry of life (the ultimate being death). I don't let these questions or thoughts stop me from looking for a woman with whom I can share a loving bond with. I guess I'm just thinking to much, and that's the biggest problem.

How about if the girl is named Eleanor, and she's your fifth cousin?

Heh, Roosevelt isn't even my favorite president I just like the name, Eisenhower is actually my favorite president. I am actually staunchly against incest and inbreeding, all it makes is a bad genetic code.

I'm just wondering, with my mind, the way it works, how fast I can think, how much I think, how much I try to fathom existence on a universal scale, how much god damn history I read, how little I actually read, how I can remember mundane details from random days, and random conversations better than most, my (side) obsessions with astronomy, physics, and genetics, and especially how many times I've been able to tell such convincing BS that it's Oscar worthy, is there anyway there can be another Human of the opposite sex who thinks like that, or at least similarly? If not then is there at least any women, or even men, out there who can understand this odd thought process I have? I can't really describe it as aspergers, cause it's not; it's like a mix of being bi-polar, OCD, ADD, and some autistic-like tendencies.

It seems to me that you are partly saying that you shouldn't date because your mind always thinks about sex, in a loving and romantic way. You are a male. There's a study that males think about sex every 12 seconds. Sex is a beautiful thing, and a part of the make up of human beings, so that is not a reason to not date. That is a reason to date.

With your concern about finding a woman with similar interests, you are just going to have to put yourself out there to find your match. Doing nothing is going to result in nothing. You have the bod, you have the job, now get the lady.

Good point; and it's not that I don't have kinky thoughts, it's just that I view them in a way that can result in romantic pleasure for both people. I mean of heard stories of my male friends submitting to pain (they say it's "pleasure") from a dominatrix girlfriend, and even some have told me of women that have literally said "please rape me," to them. When I think of that, it actually makes me seem incredibly normal (edit: at least through my own thoughts, actions, and vague opinions on what is normal.)

I wish it was easy for me to "go out there and get the lady," but when you live in a town with a population of about 6,000 people, and the closest city only has a population of about 50,000, it can make things difficult, and having no car or driver's license makes it even more difficult. Geographically it is very difficult to get around. I'm pretty much living at the bottom level of society in an area that is full of elitists. I hope that my car problem will be solved at least by next year, I need to start saving now if I even want a cheap car by winter, and it's going to be i area where gas right now is 4.35 a gallon (down from 5.00 a gallon just three months ago). Sometimes I just want to up and leave, but then I just realize things are probably equally as sh***y all across the country.

Totally agreed!

Actually, going out with your fifth cousin is not incest. A fifth cousin only shares your great-great-great-great grandfather. Fifth cousins have different great-great-great grandfathers.

Believe it not, in at least most states in the US, it's not illegal to marry your FIRST cousin (though I find that sort of marriage incestuous).

I know there are more states where you can marry your cousin than states where same-sex couples can marry. I just believe in interbreeding, and cutting off the genetic cap at some point, no matter how distant that relative may be. I'd rather not go off topic though that's just my opinion on the subject.

Sorry for going off topic

Don't feel bad, it's an important topic that needs to be discussed, I'd just rather not relate to my personal problems.

I'm here looking for advice primarily on what to say to a woman I'm interested in, and how to say it. It's always been one of my biggest problems I guess is relating to most women on the same the level I stand on. I mean sometimes I can have a good back and forth conversation with someone of the opposite gender, but I have a hard time finding another woman who would actually want to date me. I feel like I give off more of a "just friends" vibe than an affectionate vibe. I may look attractive, but I have a hard time attracting. I guess I just can't really find a way to be myself that is tolerable to most women.

The most important thing is to find common interests, or a common history--preferably, both. If you accomplish that, you're more than halfway there already.

Eisenhower was a great guy, in my opinion. He was a general who was skeptical of the "military-industrial complex," even though he was an integral part of it.

my history tends to shock more people than it interests.

how about common interests? Do you have a "special interest"?

When I think of "common history," I think of being within the same "culture" as a woman. Maybe you watched the same cartoons as a kid, and had similar reactions. Maybe the social mores taught by your parents were similar--you could identify by saying "I was spanked as a kid when I was bad," and the woman could, too.

I have a lot of hurt that goes beyond the times I was spanked.

I can sympathize (at least identify) someones interests easily enough. It's getting deep down to the root of me that I have a hard time talking about, or lack of talking about it. I guess that's what I wrote this article for, when do I bring up things that are very personal about myself with someone I'm interested in (relationship phase, or before)? Essentially when do you get to the point when you can talk to that other person about anything?

Much later in the relationship when you know the person, and trust them, and have an ongoing relationship with them. If a person doesn't know you well enough, and you tell them personal information about your past that is intimate, it could throw up red flags for that person. Why is he telling me this? What does he want from me? The reflex of that person will be to get out of the relationship quickly, if you talk about things too early.

The other thing to consider is do you *need* to talk about personal information about your past early in a relationship? I mean, were you scarred with cigarettes or something? Do these past experiences *define* you as a person today? They *impact* you of course, but that doesn't mean they make you *you*. I hope that makes sense.

I'm sorry, but that doesn't make any sense at all to me. I understand the "waiting much later in the relationship part" believe me I've been driven beyond insanity from just waiting for the right moment. My past experiences though, they aren't just the past they are the past, present, and future to me. I find it incredibly ignorant when people tell me to leave it in the past (you aren't ignorant, I'm referring to a few select folk in my life), because I can't, it's not physical (well it kind of is) it's emotional and mental pain. It's the kind of pain that you can't have a normal relationship with someone unless you let them know it some point, because if they end up as ignorant as myself, and the people who try to help me, then all it does is just breed unwanted passive-aggression. I don't let the traumatic experiences of my past control me, I have a good grip, and ways to cope, but there is just no %100 way I can ever let go. These experiences are a driving force behind what makes me *me,* If they had never happened I probably wouldn't be on this forum right now. They happened though, and they can never be undone; so when people say "stop living in the past, try to live in the here and the now," that's what always makes me angry, cause everyone just wants me to ignore my past, and I just feel to live in a healthy romantic relationship each partner should try to explore each others pasts.