My thoughts on why you don't have a girlfriend.

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Well, I don't know about you, Boo, but personally I don't go around talking about oversized male genitalia with my friends (male or female).

And isn't "hot engineer" an oxymoron?

I don't know about it being just that. The way I see it, people get too busy beating around the bush and talking about asking girls out that they end up missing the point of actually asking a girl out. So focused on an outcome? Maybe. Talking about what they would do better next time or if the chance comes? Maybe. One thing is for sure is that this is certainly not an Aspie specific issue and I know that some people here could wake up and quit blaming things on being an Aspie.

browsing around here and replying to some messages over the last couple years suggest that a lot of people would rather be single, or don't know how to be supportive of a partner in a relationship (some may misinterpret support for having to be well off financially). There are those who get used and manipulated as well, and most of those people do what they can to make sure that never happens again. At the same time, others on here have enough experience dating people that they know full well what kinds of people to weed out and move forward from.

Then we also get the occasional socioeconomic types of posts that suggest that people diagnosed can't get ladies because they have no power, or good enough jobs or enough money to convince a girl to stay and that these girls would marry up anyway. Ladies coming in here complaining about their partners may complain about money making, but for the most part it is about how supportive their partner is emotionally. The lady feels like she cant talk to the male because he won't listen to her. These complaints about these marriages or relationships often contradict the belief that it's all about money or socioeconomic status.

So yes, that being said... there is definitely more to it than loving yourself and your fellow man friends. My man friends can teach me about how to be manly, but many of them haven't a clue about how to be supportive in a relationship.

My experience tells me that women are the people to talk to if you want to know about what women want, how to approach a women. All the guys I listened to gave me dumb advice based on stereotypes of women. I've learned more in six months coming here than the 29 years that preceded that. I learned it from women trying to explain things from their perspective. When you stop thinking about manipulating a woman into having sex with you and start seeing women as human beings who happen to be female, it becomes a lot easier to have a relationship with them (any kind of relationship from acquaintance to spouse).

The other stuff I agree with--especially the part about having a good relationship with yourself.

I've noticed this before actually. I don't get along well with anyone for a prolonged period of time, not even myself.

All i see is people with plays. REALLLY?

WRONG!

It's because I'm gay.

Well said.

I'd say even leave out that whole "who happen to be female" bit. People are just people. If you just want to find another person to have sex with, find a person whose interest and enthusiasm for sex with the opposite sex match your own. No manipulation necessary.

Exactly. This is what I am aiming on doing. To stop being such an isolated person and to actually get out there, meet people, make friends with both sexes; and hope I meet a nice girl or guy (i am bi).

Outgoing and confidence can be mutually exclusive. I'm shy but I can still go out and do things with equally shy friends. If we meet people or have a good time with the people with us then yeah.....

There's plenty of messed up guys with girlfriends because they can meet people, there's plenty of perfectly decent aspies inside that are single because they can't meet people.

I think this is most of us. Perfectly decent people who are just too isolated to really make friends; and when we DO get out there we are too much out of our comfort zone to really meet people properly...

The OP was trying to ask what actually makes a man attractive to women. I agree, "masculinity" doesn't matter, money doesn't matter, job doesn't matter, all that stuff does matter but isn't the decider.

What is the most important factor is simply how open you are as a person. If you completely hide all or most parts of your personality, both outdoors and at home, both to your friends and co-workers/schoolmates and even to your own family, etc. If you're just plain secretive and not willing to be open about who you are and be yourself you won't meet much people then...

Even shy people can talk about something they like to do with someone or something they like to watch/play/eat/drink/read/whatever.

For people to be INSTERESTED in you, you have to actually be INTERESTING is what I'm saying...

As an engineer, I take offense to that! For the record, I've never worn a pocket protector.

I'm a very open person, perhaps too much.
I meet lots of people, the question and challenge is how do they become friends. when is it appropriate. the people i meet as customers are probably not appropriate to try to make friends with.

all my friends were introduced to me by current friends. I made one friend back in 2nd grade and that spawned 20 friends who over time moved on so now it's 2.

Damn crooked, homey.

I don't think there's anything simpler than catching a chick or dude.

Eh? How is picking up chicks supposed to be "easy" when even NTs go to great lengths just to try and get laid?

If you're going to great lengths, you're doing it wrong.

I was just yanking Boo's chain. My late fiance was an engineer and I thought he was the hottest guy to have ever walked the face of the earth (and Boo knows that I feel that way).

LOL sorry someone had to say it!

By great lengths, I mean buying a nice car, working out, doing crazy stunts, becoming a musician, that kind of stuff. A lot of people do that kind of stuff in an effort to get some sex.