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Girls never want second dating with me

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Andreger
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10 Oct 2014, 7:13 am

Last time I devided to get a girlfriend and started datings, first time in last five years. I used social network like facebook, sought possibly single girls in groups about my interests (mainly military history and politics) and wrote them something like "Hi, I found you in *group_name*, you love history?"
It was a surprise but it worked, alomst one of three answered and after few days I had 2-3 girls who accepted my invitation to go out in the city. I did it several times so overall I had near dozen of datings. But! It seems I failed them all and I don't know why.
On each dating I was nice, we've been near historical sights of our city, went to cafes and so on. They all looked like happy of spending time with me, we found some common interess (as it seemed to me).
But now half of girls just ignores my messgaes, others occasionally answer something and with two there is nice communication now but they rejects all attempts to meet again with different reason every time.
What should I do?
Find new ones? I'm sure it would be the same as first dozen. Try to ask any of these two for dating? But if they doesn't want it for two weeks why do they change their minds? Damn, it's difficult!



Meistersinger
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10 Oct 2014, 1:47 pm

If you had my parents, there wouldn't be a first date. As soon as I brought a girl home, Dad would try his level best to make a jackass out of me, to the point of me feeling I was one half inch in height. Once he was finished, Mom would tear my date totally to shreds. The end result being told by the girl to never call or speak to her again.



Andreger
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10 Oct 2014, 3:25 pm

Meistersinger wrote:
If you had my parents, there wouldn't be a first date. As soon as I brought a girl home, Dad would try his level best to make a jackass out of me, to the point of me feeling I was one half inch in height. Once he was finished, Mom would tear my date totally to shreds. The end result being told by the girl to never call or speak to her again.


That's sad. However I'm 27 so the only thing parents could say is "He got it!" :D
Anyway these dates were only in the city center. I'm really confused of what is going wrong each time.



Jjancee
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12 Oct 2014, 12:44 pm

Andreger wrote:
Last time I devided to get a girlfriend and started datings, first time in last five years. I used social network like facebook, sought possibly single girls in groups about my interests (mainly military history and politics) and wrote them something like "Hi, I found you in *group_name*, you love history?"
It was a surprise but it worked, alomst one of three answered and after few days I had 2-3 girls who accepted my invitation to go out in the city. I did it several times so overall I had near dozen of datings. But! It seems I failed them all and I don't know why.
On each dating I was nice, we've been near historical sights of our city, went to cafes and so on. They all looked like happy of spending time with me, we found some common interess (as it seemed to me).
But now half of girls just ignores my messgaes, others occasionally answer something and with two there is nice communication now but they rejects all attempts to meet again with different reason every time.
What should I do?
Find new ones? I'm sure it would be the same as first dozen. Try to ask any of these two for dating? But if they doesn't want it for two weeks why do they change their minds? Damn, it's difficult!


You might not be doing anything wrong - dating tends to be a numbers game.

I find that of some guy asks for my #, there's about a 50% chance he will actually call. If he does and we meet for a drink, there's about a 50% chance we will have both had enough fun to want to do it again, etc.



Andreger
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12 Oct 2014, 1:51 pm

Jjancee wrote:
You might not be doing anything wrong - dating tends to be a numbers game.

I find that of some guy asks for my #, there's about a 50% chance he will actually call. If he does and we meet for a drink, there's about a 50% chance we will have both had enough fun to want to do it again, etc.


Maybe it is but I'm doing this for years with no result. Here I just wrote about few last tries. For almost 6 years I had no sex or serious relations.



Jjancee
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12 Oct 2014, 8:28 pm

Andreger wrote:
Jjancee wrote:
You might not be doing anything wrong - dating tends to be a numbers game.

I find that of some guy asks for my #, there's about a 50% chance he will actually call. If he does and we meet for a drink, there's about a 50% chance we will have both had enough fun to want to do it again, etc.


Maybe it is but I'm doing this for years with no result. Here I just wrote about few last tries. For almost 6 years I had no sex or serious relations.


How old are you? Do you have a group of friends you hang out w/regularly? Do you have friends who happen to be girls? Are you employed?



yellowtamarin
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12 Oct 2014, 10:53 pm

Andreger wrote:
Jjancee wrote:
You might not be doing anything wrong - dating tends to be a numbers game.

I find that of some guy asks for my #, there's about a 50% chance he will actually call. If he does and we meet for a drink, there's about a 50% chance we will have both had enough fun to want to do it again, etc.


Maybe it is but I'm doing this for years with no result. Here I just wrote about few last tries. For almost 6 years I had no sex or serious relations.

You probably need to change your behaviour somehow then, if you have been doing essentially the same things each time without success. I'd need to see you in action to know what you are doing "wrong" but it is most likely either during the date or immediately after (if immediately after, it would probably be that you are too smothering).

Alternatively, you could continue doing the same things and hope to meet someone who likes you for who you are and how you currently behave on a date. It's entirely possible that that will occur.

But I wouldn't persist with the current options, it does not sound like they are interested.



Andreger
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13 Oct 2014, 12:56 am

Jjancee wrote:
Andreger wrote:
Jjancee wrote:
You might not be doing anything wrong - dating tends to be a numbers game.

I find that of some guy asks for my #, there's about a 50% chance he will actually call. If he does and we meet for a drink, there's about a 50% chance we will have both had enough fun to want to do it again, etc.


Maybe it is but I'm doing this for years with no result. Here I just wrote about few last tries. For almost 6 years I had no sex or serious relations.


How old are you? Do you have a group of friends you hang out w/regularly? Do you have friends who happen to be girls? Are you employed?


27 yo. I have three friends - one is married, second has the same troubles with girls, third lives on other city. I am employed as IT manager - colleagues are mainly male, and females are 10-15 years older than me.



Last edited by Andreger on 13 Oct 2014, 1:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

Andreger
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13 Oct 2014, 12:59 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
You probably need to change your behaviour somehow then, if you have been doing essentially the same things each time without success. I'd need to see you in action to know what you are doing "wrong" but it is most likely either during the date or immediately after (if immediately after, it would probably be that you are too smothering).

Alternatively, you could continue doing the same things and hope to meet someone who likes you for who you are and how you currently behave on a date. It's entirely possible that that will occur.

But I wouldn't persist with the current options, it does not sound like they are interested.


So you think to succeed I need to act like some other person. Damn, why all my life I have to play some roles to reach at least something? Work, family, now relations...



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2014, 1:01 am

How tall are you?

Do you have a job, a car and a place for your own?



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 13 Oct 2014, 1:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

Andreger
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13 Oct 2014, 1:05 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
How tall are you?

Do you have a job, car and place for your own?


5'11'', I am IT manager (hate this career), sold car not long ago, renting appartments. Next year I'm going to move to another country if I'll be alive.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2014, 1:22 am

Andreger wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
How tall are you?

Do you have a job, car and place for your own?


5'11'', I am IT manager (hate this career), sold car not long ago, renting appartments. Next year I'm going to move to another country if I'll be alive.


Bad points: Hating job, no car, no house and no clear plan.


Not sure if this height is considered short there, bear in mind that girls can't see your height on FB; but when faced you for real got turned off. It *is* the most important physical attribute to too many of them.

Try to recall your dates' questions/reaction/behavior:
Did their questions revolve around your future/job/place(I am sure they did)?Did they ask how do you transport? Did they avoid or behave awkwardly when walking with you, like always walking faster or slower than you (a strong indication that they are embarassed by your height)



Andreger
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13 Oct 2014, 1:38 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Andreger wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
How tall are you?

Do you have a job, car and place for your own?


5'11'', I am IT manager (hate this career), sold car not long ago, renting appartments. Next year I'm going to move to another country if I'll be alive.


Bad points: Hating job, no car, no house and no clear plan.


Not sure if this height is considered short there, bear in mind that girls can't see your height on FB; but when faced you for real got turned off. It *is* the most important physical attribute to too many of them.

Try to recall your dates' questions/reaction/behavior:
Did their questions revolve around your future/job/place(I am sure they did)?Did they ask how do you transport? Did they avoid or behave awkwardly when walking with you, like always walking faster or slower than you (a strong indication that they are embarassed by your height)


No one asked me about job, house or car. When they were with me more then half were behaving normally as I think - I didn't ever thought I'm doing something wrong. For others it was at least more or less clear that they are uncomfortable with me.



yellowtamarin
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13 Oct 2014, 1:50 am

Boo are you seriously suggesting that 5'11 might be too short for a lot of women????



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2014, 1:55 am

Andreger wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Andreger wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
How tall are you?

Do you have a job, car and place for your own?


5'11'', I am IT manager (hate this career), sold car not long ago, renting appartments. Next year I'm going to move to another country if I'll be alive.


Bad points: Hating job, no car, no house and no clear plan.


Not sure if this height is considered short there, bear in mind that girls can't see your height on FB; but when faced you for real got turned off. It *is* the most important physical attribute to too many of them.

Try to recall your dates' questions/reaction/behavior:
Did their questions revolve around your future/job/place(I am sure they did)?Did they ask how do you transport? Did they avoid or behave awkwardly when walking with you, like always walking faster or slower than you (a strong indication that they are embarassed by your height)


No one asked me about job, house or car. When they were with me more then half were behaving normally as I think - I didn't ever thought I'm doing something wrong. For others it was at least more or less clear that they are uncomfortable with me.



Think again.

They don't have to ask you directly; you surely have provided them this info in an usual first conversation; these are basic living conditions.



yellowtamarin
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13 Oct 2014, 1:55 am

Andreger wrote:
No one asked me about job, house or car. When they were with me more then half were behaving normally as I think - I didn't ever thought I'm doing something wrong. For others it was at least more or less clear that they are uncomfortable with me.

I'm very sceptical about any of height, job, house or car being the main issue (if indeed there is a "main" issue here).

For me personally, I don't think I give the impression with a date who I am not interested in that I am not interested. I quite enjoy dating for dating's sake and will probably have a nice time even if I discover I'm not romantically interested in the person. This might be what is happening with your dates. For the ones who make it clear they are uncomfortable - do you take note of the moments when this occurs? Try to build correlations/patterns. Is it when you say certain things? Is it when you do certain physical things (e.g. maybe standing too close, or tapping your feet)? Something else?