Do the majority of guys with A.S. never get a girlfriend?

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I hate how society thinks guys are not real men until they have done it with a woman. I even read that some parents go so far as to hiring a hooker for their son to sleep with for their birthday. I guess things are a little easier for me because I'm female but only because of the myth that all women hate sex unless they're nymphomaniacs refuses to die.

yes but the instinctual natural desire to want a sexual relationship just does not go away

I also agree with this. I mean I'm a nice guy, I work hard, I'm reasonably intelligent and funny, but I still feel worthless because women don't like me. I should be able to be happy with my own life, but I feel like I have to get married, have kids and live a "normal" life. And God forbid if my male friends know how little action I get. I die inside a little when I have to lie about being with women. I should only have to worry about me and not what a bunch of women think about me. And whenever girls reject me I just want to cut myself, when in reality I shouldn't need them. They clearly don't need me.

Honestly if someone told me that women just don't like sex, I'd believe it. Since in my world, women don't have sex. Women only have sex in contexts completely independent from my world.

I dont think getting a relationship is so much the problem so much as whether an aspie man would actually like it.

I think most aspie men would be better off setting themselves up in a nice little flat, done out how they like, with all their hobbies around them.

I think most aspie men would get more out of reading a book on their interest, whilst eating their favourite food in nice quiteness rather than the continual sacrifices and self censure they would have to make in a relationship

All that sacrifice wouldnt lead to a nice life anyway as they probably would not like a noisy house full of kids, demanding partner wanting loving attention and less moneys for hobbies, horrible dinners that you hate but your wife and kids love, people moving your things, going on at you through your whole waking hours, constant nagging, no time for yourself.

no get a nice place for yourself and do things to please yourself and if you get someone who wants to casually date perhaps stretch to that but I dont think most aspies would really like a proper relationship and what it leads to.

The fact that you're describing yourself as a "nice guy" means that you're probably NOT a nice guy. You are very likely an over-entitled and totally-desperate-not-a-nice-guy and woman are (sensibly!!) staying far far away from you as a result.

I cannot tell you how many guys at work moan and complain that they dress nice, work hard and don't get why girls avoid them and instead date so-and-so whom they straight-up tell me is "less tall, less nicely dressed, more jerk-like" than they are.

Umm, nope. Not by a long shot. So-and-so may well be shorter, wear in ironed shirts but he's also got a fun personality, an interesting hobby, a self-deprecating sense of humor and an extra ticket to a chili cook off or his kid sister's playoff softball game!

The fact that you're describing yourself as a "nice guy" means that you're probably NOT a nice guy. You are very likely an over-entitled and totally-desperate-not-a-nice-guy and woman are (sensibly!!) staying far far away from you as a result.

This trope again, I find it surprising how many people somehow can smell through the internet how someone really is.

It's more like virtual bullying if nothing else.

This looks like a pretty mild complaint, actually, next to many I've seen. But if you look at this, for instance, from her post:

"Also during the early years I found that the "typical bachelor" behaviors were not in place because he was a bachelor but because he was somehow impaired. He didn't have poor hygiene because he'd gotten into a lazy habit, something which married life would renew or spark an interest in himself and his surroundings, but it was because he couldn't assess himself to determine whether or not he was clean, and further, did not have a sense in his worldview of "clean." He would brush his teeth, with a tiny dot of toothpaste (to save money), and as long as the toothbrush entered his mouth and he rubbed it around, then his teeth were brushed. There was never an assessment to know whether or not his teeth were actually clean, and even having a mouth full of cavities and regular plaque buildup, he never "connected" the two. As far as he was concerned, he brushed twice a day and had a lot of plaque and cavities. No further analysis, observation, or development of the idea ever crossed his mind."

Or this, from another:

"1) Brunt and pointed emotion without self awareness: Fighting with my husband continues to be a learning process to me as I filter his words through my heart, careful to guard myself, but not always succeeding. His anger can flare up and be intense. He. must. get. his. point. across.

In that process, I think self awareness takes a seat on the furthermost back burner. While I am standing in his blazing glory of anger, it's difficult to temper the hurt, while controlling my own emotions....which leads to the second point.

2) T i t for tat is not always that: His hypersensitivity to my affect and verbal behavior is aggravating and discouraging. He can sound off like a trumpet followed with explicatives that drift out into the atmosphere. My voice slightly flares in tone and pitch and all of a sudden he's concerned I am possessed and hysterical. Ok I jest a little, but perhaps you can relate."

This is from a guy about his wife:

"I have been seeing a therapist now for about 5 months at my wife's request. She has told me for a long time that I have anger issues. I have learned to not get angry but I still didn't understand her lack of empathy and the way she shuts down upon conflict. "

Or:

" His intense love and devotion to me mixed with no ability to communicate feelings and respond to my romantic , sexual and emotional needs has been devastating."

Or:

"He's ruthlessly honest. Worse than brutal. The honesty in his statements causes scarring. But he is just as honest in his feelings for me, I know that he loves me. I have such ambivalent feelings about this relationship. He says things like "I don't know if I want to marry you because I'm worried that you are going to get fat after you have kids." If I were 10 years younger that statement might lead to an eating disorder. At least at this age it just makes me paranoid and angry. (FYI- I am already a very active and fit woman.) He says things like, "I don't respect the way that you spend your free time", "I don't know how to make myself be interested in talking to you." or "You know what you should have done...". And yet he seems incapable of understanding the devistating emotional impact of these types of statements."

None of these other people say anything about abuse, alcoholism, marrying a wallet, etc. And it goes on and on. I dunno, Boo, I don't see how the denial is helpful.

Eh, for me getting laid is just as impossible as finding love. Society wants a whole want of bullcrap that it's just not worth it. I always get feelings for girls that don't see me as anything more than a friend. And being in the friendzone is a death sentence. Then again I'm not attractive so maybe attractive guys see a different world than I do.

This looks like a pretty mild complaint, actually, next to many I've seen. But if you look at this, for instance, from her post:

"Also during the early years I found that the "typical bachelor" behaviors were not in place because he was a bachelor but because he was somehow impaired. He didn't have poor hygiene because he'd gotten into a lazy habit, something which married life would renew or spark an interest in himself and his surroundings, but it was because he couldn't assess himself to determine whether or not he was clean, and further, did not have a sense in his worldview of "clean." He would brush his teeth, with a tiny dot of toothpaste (to save money), and as long as the toothbrush entered his mouth and he rubbed it around, then his teeth were brushed. There was never an assessment to know whether or not his teeth were actually clean, and even having a mouth full of cavities and regular plaque buildup, he never "connected" the two. As far as he was concerned, he brushed twice a day and had a lot of plaque and cavities. No further analysis, observation, or development of the idea ever crossed his mind."

Or this, from another:

"1) Brunt and pointed emotion without self awareness: Fighting with my husband continues to be a learning process to me as I filter his words through my heart, careful to guard myself, but not always succeeding. His anger can flare up and be intense. He. must. get. his. point. across.

In that process, I think self awareness takes a seat on the furthermost back burner. While I am standing in his blazing glory of anger, it's difficult to temper the hurt, while controlling my own emotions....which leads to the second point.

2) T i t for tat is not always that: His hypersensitivity to my affect and verbal behavior is aggravating and discouraging. He can sound off like a trumpet followed with explicatives that drift out into the atmosphere. My voice slightly flares in tone and pitch and all of a sudden he's concerned I am possessed and hysterical. Ok I jest a little, but perhaps you can relate."

This is from a guy about his wife:

"I have been seeing a therapist now for about 5 months at my wife's request. She has told me for a long time that I have anger issues. I have learned to not get angry but I still didn't understand her lack of empathy and the way she shuts down upon conflict. "

Or:

" His intense love and devotion to me mixed with no ability to communicate feelings and respond to my romantic , sexual and emotional needs has been devastating."

Or:

"He's ruthlessly honest. Worse than brutal. The honesty in his statements causes scarring. But he is just as honest in his feelings for me, I know that he loves me. I have such ambivalent feelings about this relationship. He says things like "I don't know if I want to marry you because I'm worried that you are going to get fat after you have kids." If I were 10 years younger that statement might lead to an eating disorder. At least at this age it just makes me paranoid and angry. (FYI- I am already a very active and fit woman.) He says things like, "I don't respect the way that you spend your free time", "I don't know how to make myself be interested in talking to you." or "You know what you should have done...". And yet he seems incapable of understanding the devistating emotional impact of these types of statements."

None of these other people say anything about abuse, alcoholism, marrying a wallet, etc. And it goes on and on. I dunno, Boo, I don't see how the denial is helpful.

Like that woman for example:
http://www.experienceproject.com/storie ... me/2950772

She complains about his robotic behavior, yet by reading the first part of her thread it's obvious why her marriage is destined for failure: She married him because she was desperate for a relationship, money, and certain lifestyle he could provide. That's the recipe for a failed marriage right there, from the very beginning.

yes but the instinctual natural desire to want a sexual relationship just does not go away

jono, I don't know if you realize it, but you've managed to underscore every point the NT spouses are making. You're standing there saying "this is not a problem" or "this isn't anything about AS" or "it's the right way to be" without at all addressing the fact that they're seriously problematic behaviors in a marriage (and that yes, they're all behaviors found regularly in people with AS). Result: divorce. So we go back to the OP.