Airport anxiety on first holiday with asperger's boyfriend

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Hi everyone

I am a neurotypical and this is my first visit to WrongPlanet.

I will be going on holiday with my boyfriend of nine months, who has (undiagnosed) Asperger?s, in a few days and he has expressed concern about feeling anxious whilst in the airport waiting for the flight.

Yesterday he said that he would be particularly anxious in the departure lounge and requested that I don't leave him alone during the time between entering the lounge and being called to board the flight.

However, I have a chronic bladder condition which he is well aware of (labelled painful bladder syndrome by my urologist) which means the muscles in my bladder contract frequently and I am often in pain even if my bladder is nowhere near full. The pain can build up very quickly, meaning I am always on the lookout for the nearest toilet.

I said to him that I will try and keep him calm in the departure lounge, but that I may need the toilet while we are in there and that I usually go to the toilet before I board a plane so as not to be stuck in a situation where I am desperate and may have an accident. I pointed out that there are nearly always toilets near boarding gates (at least based on my experience of airports).

He thinks I am not accommodating his needs by not taking into account just how stressful this situation will be for him, but this isn?t true, I?m simply trying to say I can?t guarantee that I won?t need to go to the toilet and am not going to deny myself this basic need if I need to use a toilet.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I might be able to explain this in a way which does not aggravate him or stress him out further?

Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable?

I?d be grateful for any opinions/advice on this.

He is being unreasonable. Does he understand your condition? Would he rather have you wear a diaper?

You are being more than reasonable and I say this as someone who had terrible anxiety at the airport. I still remember how my first time on a plane I had a complete meltdown (at age and while I never had a meltdown since I was always VERY uncomfortable. Thankfully the people who work at my local airport are absolutely terrific (winning multiple international awards) and the security people seem to pick up on it and are extremely professional and understanding without me having to say a word. It's nice to try to understand and be accommodating but he isn't a child, end of story.

How do you know he has AS ?

Also he does sound unreasonable, once he gets to the gate then as long as he has made himself known to the staff they should be able to make sure that he gets on the plane.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

You are already doing the best you can to reassure him. I wish I had someone has caring like you when I travel (I travel a lot for work and often alone, even on leisure flights), so he should understand that you have a bladder problem and I think he can deal with you leaving him a few times for a couple of minutes, you aren't going anywhere and will be back.
Me, I have fear of flying (but I like planes, the technology in them and know how they work), I absolutely hate flying even so I've been all over and fly a lot, in my case my doctor gives me either Xanax, or Lectoplam or Valium, I know they are chemicals but they do help.

I had undiagnosed autism and I flew by myself as an unattended minor at age 10. Talk about gut wrenching. Tell him at least he's not on his own for the whole thing. Honestly. I have a hard time believing someone could be so obtuse. Sometimes you have to suck it up for the team.

Not sure where his anxiety is based. Abandonment? Have him hold your purse as a sign that you'll return. Meltdown while you're away? Maybe there are unisex or family bathrooms in the departure lounge, and he could stand outside the stall and at least be in there with you, and not out in the crowded lounge, while you pee. But at the end of the day, he's being insensitive to your needs. You're not the one being unreasonable. And this scenario could recur down the road, in other stressful situations, so you may wish to re-think whether this relationship can work out long-term. Asperger's isn't an excuse for acting like a selfish clod.

The airport must have staff that can assist with this. I would try contacting the airport and explain to them that your boyfriend has anxiety issues but that you might not be able to stay with him for 100% of the time. They should have personal available that could assist you and could stay with him while you're gone. At least all the airports that I've been to have staff available to assist disabled people to board the airplanes (not just people who need wheelchairs) as well as getting off. I don't see why they can't assist here even if you don't need help specifically with boarding.

You could suggest he get a doc to prescribe him an anxiety med like Xanax to have for travel.